The Bad Jokes Thread

namkablam · Post by **namkablam** » 3/17/2005, 10:56 pm

I pooped my pants!

its4am_isanybodyhome · Post by **its4am_isanybodyhome** » 3/17/2005, 10:56 pm

ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and now grows in the middle.
BEAUTY PARLOUR: A place where women curl up and dye.
CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people.
CHICKENS: The only creatures you eat before they are born and after they are dead.
COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out.
EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
GOSSIP: A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.
HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage.
INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies better.
RAISIN: Grape with a sunburn.
SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time.
TOOTHACHE: The pain that drives you to extraction.
TOMORROW: One of the greatest labour saving devices of today.
YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed.
WRINKLES: Something other people have. You have character lines.

ihatethunderbay · Post by **ihatethunderbay** » 3/17/2005, 10:57 pm

How many kids with ADD does it take to change a lightbulb?

Hey lets go ride bikes.

its4am_isanybodyhome · Post by **its4am_isanybodyhome** » 3/17/2005, 10:59 pm

Deep within a forest, a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort, he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again, while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts. Finally, the female bird turned to her mate. "Dear," she chirped, "I think it's time to tell him he's adopted."

happening fish · Post by **happening fish** » 3/18/2005, 12:56 am

whats a bad jnoke

THAT

Rusty · Post by **Rusty** » 3/18/2005, 12:57 am

...Hahahaha. *puts Alex to bed*

happening fish · Post by **happening fish** » 3/18/2005, 1:11 am

Rusty · Post by **Rusty** » 3/18/2005, 1:17 am

Don't worry Alex you can have your teddy.

happening fish · Post by **happening fish** » 3/18/2005, 1:17 am

wow scary1

Rusty · Post by **Rusty** » 3/18/2005, 1:18 am

It wasn't that big when I found the pic.

happening fish · Post by **happening fish** » 3/18/2005, 1:21 am

okkkk
thanks for tryin though hun

Rusty · Post by **Rusty** » 3/18/2005, 1:22 am

There's just more of him to love.

Dr. Hobo · Post by **Dr. Hobo** » 3/18/2005, 1:42 am

thats the scariest bear ive ever seen

Rusty · Post by **Rusty** » 3/18/2005, 1:46 am

It was less scary when I found it dammit.

Dr. Hobo · Post by **Dr. Hobo** » 3/18/2005, 1:47 am

you lose

Rusty · Post by **Rusty** » 3/18/2005, 1:48 am

I tried so hard too.

Dr. Hobo · Post by **Dr. Hobo** » 3/18/2005, 1:52 am

its okay
you'll get better at it kid

nikki4982 · Post by **nikki4982** » 3/18/2005, 6:39 am

Hey, that teddy bear *is* cute, you meanieheads!!! *cuddles him*

Rusty wrote:
Cracky wrote:What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a bush?
-Russel

First of all it's "Russell" That joke also earned me the name "Bushman" For many years.

Bahahaha, looks like Rusty's got a new nickname on the CM!!! :evil:

its4am_isanybodyhome wrote:So the first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn't stand that for long, so he let go and fell -- but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balcony."

So... the guy brutally murders someone, and he gets let into heaven? :wtf:

half jill · Post by **half jill** » 3/18/2005, 9:52 am

that's what i plan on doing!

xoNoDoubt69 · Post by **xoNoDoubt69** » 3/18/2005, 9:55 am

hi dom!