TTYNKAM (TYPDCAA) IV

Henrietta · Post by **Henrietta** » 11/12/2009, 9:16 pm

If you go into marriage thinking it will end badly then it probably will. I guess if I thought that way I wouldn't get married either! But a happy marriage isn't overrated. I've seen plenty of studies that have measure happiness in married vs. non married people.

But before I met Alec I was resolved that I would never marry anyone if it wasn't right. I'd rather be an old maid mormon, and if you know any mormons you know that's pretty much the crappiest thing to be.

laurel · Post by **laurel** » 11/12/2009, 10:08 pm

Oh, I know I could make a marriage work. If I wanted to.

I just have no desire to try. There's no point in it for me - I'm with someone I love, I'm happy, and that's good enough. I don't see the point in getting married. Sure, there are some legal benefits...but that's it, to me.

I'm happy in the type of relationship I choose to be in. Others may prefer to be married - that's fine and dandy.

But if I get asked one more effing time when I'm going to marry Lando, I will hurt that person. Yes, we've been together for over 3 years...but that doesn't mean we EVER want to get married. And yes, we are extremely happy. And I know, without a doubt, we would be extremely unhappy if we ever did do the marriage thing.

So...I'm not saying marriage is overrated because I'm single and bitter, or single and wanting to enjoy that single life. I'm saying it because I'm in a loving relationship, and I don't see how marriage will improve my relationship whatsoever. Others in relationships feel differently. I understand that, but...marriage is not for me.

Lando · Post by **Lando** » 11/12/2009, 10:10 pm

the only kind of ring you're getting is an onion ring! and you dont like onions, so I'll eat it. the ones from A&W. mmmm

laurel · Post by **laurel** » 11/12/2009, 10:19 pm

i like onion rings!

but not a&w ones! those are icky.

Carson79 · Post by **Carson79** » 11/12/2009, 11:20 pm

Even though I am married I agree with you Laurel, this is not 1910 anymore, having a life with someone does not have to mean marriage.

I do have one question for you though, why would doing the marriage thing make you extremely unhappy? I'm not asking because I think you should get married but would it change your life so much it would make you unhappy? Just curious as I lived with my now husband before we were married and getting married didn't really change how we feel about each other or change how we go about our lives (which makes me wonder why we did it, lol).

My one main problem with marriage is people (ok, well women) only care about the wedding...they don't put as much effort into the relationship as they do the wedding.

Henrietta · Post by **Henrietta** » 11/12/2009, 11:36 pm

Ya I'm wondering that too, why would marriage make you unhappy?

I don't know how I'd feel if I weren't religious, but being married is a very big part of my belief system. I would never have a sexual relationship with someone if I weren't married to that person. And I'd only marry someone absolutely perfect for me.

beautiful liar · Post by **beautiful liar** » 11/13/2009, 2:02 am

Marriage is what you make of it. For me, it's a business contract with my partner; it is not even a sexually exclusive arrangement. Marriage does not have to be a "one-size-fits-all" deal. We'd be just as happy unmarried, but this way, we get some benefits that we need financially at this point of our lives, which we might as well capitalize on because we'll be together for the foreseeable future.

I also understand Laurel's position. Marriage is just one lifestyle option, and there should not be pressure on anyone to get married just because it is "what's done" when you reach a certain point in a LTR. Or a certain age. Or whatever else people use as an excuse to push marriage.

What i absolutely hate are the people who assume that because i am married babies will follow. I am not interested in children, nor am i obligated to discuss that choice with any person who happens to discover the fact that I'm married. *shakes fist*

Post by **xjsb125** » 11/13/2009, 4:35 am

For me, it's not a way to get some added benefits. It's a formal symbol of commitment to each other. However, in Laurel's case, I think if her and Lando's relationship is great the way it is, I'd encourage you to keep it that way, and to hell with what anyone else thinks.

laurel · Post by **laurel** » 11/13/2009, 7:13 am

Thank you, Matt.

It's very frustrating - even nowadays, I get many negative responses to the fact that I don't want to get married. ESPECIALLY because I'm a female - geez, can you imagine? A female that doesn't want to get married? That's just crazy!

Edit - I'll address other stuff later...I have to run out the door and don't have time to formulate responses at the moment.

Carson79 · Post by **Carson79** » 11/13/2009, 9:13 am

laurel wrote:ESPECIALLY because I'm a female - geez, can you imagine? A female that doesn't want to get married? That's just crazy!

Like come on, what is wrong with you??? :lol:

When you are female you are expected to want to get married to your prince charming and have his babies. I have a good friend who goes through this all the time, she says she will get married if the right guy comes along but absolutely wants NO children. People always say to her - "oh you'll change your mind" and I find that rude and horrible - what's wrong with making a choice like that? I wish more people would make the choice not to have children sometimes - there are too many horrible parents out there.

ClumsyGirl618 · Post by **ClumsyGirl618** » 11/13/2009, 9:32 am

MsCarson79 wrote:
laurel wrote:ESPECIALLY because I'm a female - geez, can you imagine? A female that doesn't want to get married? That's just crazy!

Like come on, what is wrong with you???

When you are female you are expected to want to get married to your prince charming and have his babies. I have a good friend who goes through this all the time, she says she will get married if the right guy comes along but absolutely wants NO children. People always say to her - "oh you'll change your mind" and I find that rude and horrible - what's wrong with making a choice like that? I wish more people would make the choice no to have children sometimes - there are too many horrible parents out there.

I agree. I work with kids on a daily basis and I've seen lots of children that are products of those that probably should NOT be reproducing. The behavior/ respect issues these kiddos have is one thing, but the parents lack of involvement and concern for what their children do at school breaks my heart.

Kids just aren't for everyone nor should they be.

Johnny · Post by **Johnny** » 11/13/2009, 12:31 pm

The whole of my family expects me to marry and have children someday, in particular a son. I'm the only male in the family who has the duty of carring on the family name.

Post by **xjsb125** » 11/13/2009, 9:36 pm

We got asked about kids even before we were married. Though, I think that we will probably try for one in the coming year. Heather is ready. Me, I'm nervous as hell about it. I think we'll do great, though.

beautiful liar · Post by **beautiful liar** » 11/13/2009, 10:04 pm

Nerves are good - it means you understand how much having a kid is going to involve. You guys will be great, I'm sure.

Carson79 · Post by **Carson79** » 11/13/2009, 10:17 pm

I don't know you or Heather but it sounds like you are not making the decision lightly. I think it something you figure out as you go...but the difference between good parents and bad parents is that the good parents actually care and put in the time with their kids. I think it is really that simple.

m2 · Post by m2 » 11/15/2009, 1:36 pm

Random Name · Post by **Random Name** » 11/15/2009, 3:55 pm

What up?

m2 · Post by m2 » 11/15/2009, 4:06 pm

Not much. Chillin'. Crankin' tunes as I move my stuff upstairs to my new room.

m2 · Post by m2 » 11/17/2009, 4:22 pm

...embarrassed.

Just asked out a girl. Didn't realize she had a boyfriend... Told her not to tell anyone i asked her out while she was on the phone reading everything i say to her best friend who coincidentally has a big mouth and will tell all of America....

Probably not going to school tomorrow...

Johnny · Post by **Johnny** » 11/17/2009, 5:34 pm

Good god. You have enough personal turmoil and conflict in your life for another teen drama on the CW.