CM Cliff's Notes

One-Eye · Post by **One-Eye** » 6/4/2004, 10:06 pm

Too lazy to read every thread on the board? Want to know what's going on anyway? NEVER FEAR! CM Cliff's Notes is here!

I'll start things off with the recent thread G'day:

Newbie el_scorcho, also known as Jess, joins the board and introduces herself.

Various people welcome her. Various other threaten/haze/shout "n00b!!!".

Maria and Aerin perform a brief Karaoke version of Weezer's "El Scorcho". Matt is confused.

Miss Maida and Waiting to Exist get fat and go swimming.

Alex appears and gets the party started with an exuberant MOOF. Reno seconds the motion. Aerin and Johnathan are quickly on board the moof-mobile. Johnathan provides K-Y jelly and a pool.

Party rapidly devolves into a cavalcade of skinny dipping, moofing, and general debauchery.

Newbie never returns.

Waiting to Exist · Post by **Waiting to Exist** » 6/4/2004, 10:07 pm

This is genius.

Miss Maida and Waiting to Exist get fat and go swimming.

Teehee.
EDIT: Hm, it has added a random [/quote] to the end of my post.

Johnny · Post by **Johnny** » 6/4/2004, 10:11 pm

You're mis spelling my name

One-Eye · Post by **One-Eye** » 6/4/2004, 10:13 pm

I fixed.

Johnny · Post by **Johnny** » 6/4/2004, 10:15 pm

joe_canadian · Post by **joe_canadian** » 6/4/2004, 10:17 pm

Aerin, would you be so good as to TTYNKAM for me?

Thanks, you're a pal.

Post by **al_** » 6/4/2004, 10:17 pm

Big Al is partying in Michigan

Henrietta · Post by **Henrietta** » 6/4/2004, 10:20 pm

I like this, but now you're commited to do it every day!

One-Eye · Post by **One-Eye** » 6/4/2004, 10:56 pm

Okay, now for CLASSIC CM THEATER. I bring you the best of Things OLP Would Never Say, a fantastically hilarious thread from late 2002. (Can you tell I have a final tomorrow that I don't wanna study for?)

"I'm a fucking troll and two shades shy of tone deaf. Why are all these girls wanting to jump on my scrawny bod?" - Raine

"Raine thinks he's a sexy bitch, but I'M the REAL sexy bitch in this band. I think I'll kill him in his sleep and take over as vocalist." - Duncan

"Steve is one sexy bitch. I wish I had picked him up before Raine did." - Mike

"dude, we should get Yanni to play with us, maybe he could add in a part on Supermans Dead"

"this song is about.... Goats... Saudia Arabian Goats with blue hair... "

"forget guitars, lets go to bagpipes and accordians"

"Think it's about time we changed our name to Nibblers of the Underworld?"
"For the last time, Jer, NO!"

"So, I was thinking. Now that Mike's gone, why don't you change your name back to Michael? I mean, you gotta admit, 'Raine' is pretty womanly."
"What are you implying, Steve?"
"Huh? Oh, nothing, only that you might want to..."
"I'll kick your ass if you were implying what I think you were implying!"
"No, I just meant..."
"I'm ALL MAN! You got that?!"
"Um, yes sir."

"I'm tired of being a wildly popular and talented musician. I'm gonna go shack up with Al, because he's one sexy bitch." - Raine

"Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and get scared, but I have to pee really bad, so Raine will have to get up and hold my hand while I go to the bathroom, because, like, everyone knows that tour buses have evil midgets who hide everywhere and try to attack innocent young guitarists while they're trying to take a nocturnal piss." - Steve

At a press conference. We decided to do a tour with Avril Lavine as our opener. We need MORE GIRLS in our audience.
(Aerin's note: now that this has come true, it's more SAD than funny.)

Tonight for your listening pleasure we are doing all POLKA versions of our songs.

"gail wasn't at the show last night"(all)

"why cant raine ever feel ME close...why do the guitarists always get all the action?!?!" (duncan)

"ummm...raine, that's not my guitar...."(steve)

"Ooo, a little to the left." (steve during birdman)

Raine: "All those 12-year olds screaming my name really makes me horny."
Steve: "12-year olds screaming your name makes me horny, too."

"Now that I've rid myself of those losers, I'm free to do a duo with Mel C!" - Mike

I should dump my wife and get an indian woman and let her screw up my band - Raine Maida

Okay, first screaming fan to mosh surf up here and rip my clothes off wins! -raine

I know, let's all come out in matching spandex suits and do provocative dance routines while we lipsync to our own music! -jer

"I'm too sexy for my mullet, too sexy for my mullet, so sexy I... wait, what rhymes with mullet?" - Raine

DRUMMERS BANG HARDER-Jeremy

"I was in Africa with a cross-dressing clown princess the WHOLE time!" -Raine
(Aerin's Note: If any of you remember the context for this one, you officially rock and belong in the CM Hall Of Fame.)

"Fuck is a bad word." - Raine

"wow, I'm glad P-Diddy is going to be in our next video." - Raine

"Jer, stop fornicating in the middle of our shows! if you think the drums are hiding you, you're WRONG!" - Duncan

"I don't mind Jer fornicating behind the drums during shows." - Steve

"yeah, anytime Jer wants to fornicate, it's A-OK with me!" - Raine

"I like to think about P-Diddy and fornicate behind my drums during shows." - Jer

"wow, this Rogaine is the shiznit!" - Raine

"Hey guys, I got an idea. Let's all perform naked! Chili Pepper style!" -Raine

"welcome to our band, a new member mr. llama, playing the tambrine"-whole band

"we have decided to join forces with limp bizkit and become 'our lady bizkit' " -whole band

Raine - This next song is dedicated to the man who made us who we are today, this man is our leader, mentor, inspiration, he's our fucking god... It's a song called The Birdman... inspired by our one and only true friend who has ever been there for us, and the man you too will grow to love if you havint already... Big Bird, this ones for you!!!

Duncan - sorry folks but there will be no encore... just me and a hoola-hoop!!

Jeremy - guys, I've decided that the drums just aren't for me... its all about the Kazoo now!!

" hahahaha... I tricked all of you i'm really just a dwarf on stlits"- raine

Steve - Alone, Alone, I'm thinking why-e-i-e-i-e ya Isn't Raine dead?...

"Actually, i would like to sleep with all the teeny bopper 14 year olds that want to rape me" ~ Raine

"ow, my back hurts. Aerin, would you give me a massage? wait! let me take my pants off first..." - Raine

"Talking is just masturbating without the mess and the pleasure and the people walking in on you and the hardness of your penis and the relief of getting the cum out and the dog licking it up" Raine

"costumes were a great idea, Bob! I'll be the Indian, Duncan can be the Biker, Steve - you're the Construction Worker, and Jer is the Sailor!" - Raine

"sure working with bob rock was cool, but for the next record we're going to get Dr. Dre"

*Aerin and Susie are trying to shove each other out of the way in order to be the person in front of Raine's crotch*
"girls, don't fight! there's plenty of my crotch to go around!" - Raine

"Gail, I hope you don't mind me thrusting my tube-sock-covered penis in your face during the next song." - Raine

Raine: I think I'm going to quit the music buisness and start a career with my true passion.
Jer: And what is this "true passion" you speak of?
Raine: Pizza delivery.

Raine: I think I'm going to quit the music buisness and start a career with my true passion.
Jer: And what is this "true passion" you speak of?
Raine: Cheap porn films.

"Buddy Hackett stole our Apples, He's an Apple Stealer"

Steve *waking up*: Oh shit no. Do I know you?
Bethany: Oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god

Bethany: I'm going on the Maury show to prove that you are the father of my child!
Steve: "Ya'll don't know me!!!!!"

Jer: We'll have to get some rest so we can prepair for tomorrow night.
Steve: What are we going to do tomorrow night?
Jer: The same thing we do every night, Steve! Try to take over the world!

Jer: We'll have to get some rest so we can prepair for tomorrow night.
Steve: What are we going to do tomorrow night?
Jer: The same thing we do every night, Steve! Try to cut Raine's hair!

*guitarist auditions*
Raine: "Ugly, ugly, ugly, creepy, ugly... hey, what's your name?"
Steve: "Steve Mazur."
Raine: "You're sexy; you're in. Audition over."

"Sometimes I like to spam up the CM under the name "ObsessedwithRaine". Helps release the tension of the tour."
-Steve-

Waiting to Exist · Post by **Waiting to Exist** » 6/4/2004, 11:01 pm

I'd never read a "For Dummies" book as long as that last post.

Still, good stuff.

One-Eye · Post by **One-Eye** » 6/4/2004, 11:03 pm

What do you want from me? The original thread is 17 pages long!

Johnny · Post by **Johnny** » 6/4/2004, 11:07 pm

One-Eye wrote:"I was in Africa with a cross-dressing clown princess the WHOLE time!" -Raine
(Aerin's Note: If any of you remember the context for this one, you officially rock and belong in the CM Hall Of Fame.)

Hmmm, isnt that from the The Dissappearence of Raine thread? :think:

Henrietta · Post by **Henrietta** » 6/4/2004, 11:08 pm

Aerin. You know what? I love you. I haevn't laughed that hard in about ten years. Why did we quit doing this thread?

"So, I was thinking. Now that Mike's gone, why don't you change your name back to Michael? I mean, you gotta admit, 'Raine' is pretty womanly."
"What are you implying, Steve?"
"Huh? Oh, nothing, only that you might want to..."
"I'll kick your ass if you were implying what I think you were implying!"
"No, I just meant..."
"I'm ALL MAN! You got that?!"
"Um, yes sir."

One-Eye · Post by **One-Eye** » 6/4/2004, 11:12 pm

I don't know! It was gold! GOLD!

(Now if only I could find the Disappearance of Raine thread, we could have us some real hilarity....)

nikki4982 · Post by **nikki4982** » 6/4/2004, 11:13 pm

Ohmygod... :lol:

(And, I caught the context of the one... and I wasn't even a poster on the board yet at that time!!! Do I get a cookie? :mrgreen:

)

nikki4982 · Post by **nikki4982** » 6/4/2004, 11:14 pm

Oh yeah, and my post would've been before everyone else's replies to the really long post, but my STUPID FREAKING MODEM went out again. :mad:

Just felt the need to share that.

:spam:

Johnny · Post by **Johnny** » 6/4/2004, 11:15 pm

One-Eye wrote:I don't know! It was gold! GOLD!

(Now if only I could find the Disappearance of Raine thread, we could have us some real hilarity....)

Best. Thread. Ever

"And heres Duncan and Jeremy in the OLP mobile"

:lol:

One-Eye · Post by **One-Eye** » 6/4/2004, 11:17 pm

And wasn't there something in there about making Steve run around downtown Toronto butt-ass-naked in order to free Raine from the rapists... er... kidnappers?

Also, *gives Nikki a cookie. A chocolate chip one.*

Henrietta · Post by **Henrietta** » 6/4/2004, 11:18 pm

I have a feeling I missed some good times.

*goes to dream of a better cm time*

nikki4982 · Post by **nikki4982** » 6/4/2004, 11:20 pm

Yaaaaaaaaay!!! Cookie!!! *munches happily*