smile and regret

committed · Post by **committed** » 5/2/2003, 12:56 am

i watched you choke on regret
you turned so blue
you looked so perfect
i can't help but wonder what if
you hadn't turned
you hadn't slipped

i see myself in your shoes
and in your arms
but in your eyes
i'm not who i used to be
well neither are you
and that's fine by me

i wrestle with the demons in my head
i wish it was you in my bed
i can't sleep alone anymore
all curled up shaking on the floor

i still fantasize about you
in not so pleasant ways
things would be different
if you lived five minutes away
my crystal ball says in the near future
but it's been wrong before

i laid to rest the demons in my head
and slept sound with you in my bed
i don't sleep alone no more
since you picked me up off the floor

emily · Post by **emily** » 5/2/2003, 5:40 am

i like it, except for the "i don't sleep alone no more" in stanza 5

starseed_10 · Post by **starseed_10** » 5/2/2003, 1:13 pm

i'd like "any more" better i think. but its good...again.

committed · Post by **committed** » 5/2/2003, 9:57 pm

damn i expected more feedback on this

it's easily the best thing i've ever written

this is about as personal as it gets

clumsychild_ · Post by **clumsychild_** » 5/2/2003, 10:05 pm

it's good. :nod:

very good.

2+2=5 · Post by **2+2=5** » 5/2/2003, 10:44 pm

I wrote a song similar to that the other day. Good.

committed · Post by **committed** » 5/2/2003, 10:45 pm

thanks

2+2=5 · Post by **2+2=5** » 5/2/2003, 11:13 pm

you are most certainly welcome

Sufjan Stevens · Post by **Sufjan Stevens** » 5/2/2003, 11:26 pm

I like the song a lot. It definitely sounds like something Matt would sing. Again, you need to put some music around this.

committed · Post by **committed** » 5/3/2003, 12:09 am

sounds like something <b>i</b> would sing

committed · Post by **committed** » 5/3/2003, 12:10 am

get it right

while heavily influenced by skib-dawg, these are my songs.

i started on music to stab in the dark the other day

starseed_10 · Post by **starseed_10** » 5/3/2003, 10:24 am

the transition between the "i wish it was you in my bed" chorus and the "and slept sound with you in my bed" chorus seems to come too quicky IMO. of course it might work out well with music in there, but i think it could use another verse or a bridge or something i between the two to lengthen the period of change.

committed · Post by **committed** » 5/4/2003, 1:06 am

yeah. i might add another verse and i'll probably repeat the first chorus again before the last one

*MaNdA* · Post by ***MaNdA*** » 5/4/2003, 2:06 am

If i could write songs that'd be great, all i can do is write poetry....

Johnny · Post by **Johnny** » 5/4/2003, 1:26 pm

Very Good Dude

Johnny · Post by **Johnny** » 5/4/2003, 1:26 pm

All I need to say is this----- :thumbs:

Mechanical Thought · Post by **Mechanical Thought** » 5/4/2003, 1:34 pm

in the situation i am in right now, i can really take something from that.
your wrighting is so awesome, don't ever stop. it would be a serious loss.
but yea, i really like this one. :love:

Automatic_Flowers · Post by **Automatic_Flowers** » 5/8/2003, 5:51 pm

i dont think you need to add/take away anything, its prefect