ClumsyMonkey.net

how do you know when a woman is going to say something smart?
she starts with "a man once told me"

lol i like that one. it's true, too...

i think i'm gonna go um...take some soap and shove it in my eyes now.....

ummm won't that hurt?

psst.... she doesn't know better, she's a woman.

I'll you!

this calls for Johnathans signature maneuver!!

Thanks to my boss...

Two Iraqi men decide to move to the US. As the come off the ship in the US, they decide to come back two years later to this very place and see which one of them has become more Americanized.
Exactly two years later, the two of them meet on the dock. The first says "Well, I think I'm pretty American now. I've got a wife and a baby on the way. My wife and I love fast food and we watch baseball every night. How about you?" The second one says "Fuck you, rag head."

There's another one similar to that...now watch as I butcher it horribly cause I can't remember it properly

Two black men were walking down the street when they see a sign outside a building saying 'Turn white for 99 cents', so they decide to go in. One of them has $1 and the other 98 cents, so they agree that the one with a dollar should go in first and give the change to his friend.

So he goes in. A little while later, he comes out and his friend goes up to him "Wow man, you're really white! Can I have that cent now?"

To which the other replies, "Go get a job, nigger."

What the hell.


Why are wedding dresses white?

So the dishwasher matches the fridge.




What do you do if your wife's watch breaks?

Nothing. There's a clock on the stove.




How did Hellen Keller's parents punish her when she was bad?

They rearranged the furniture.




What are the two biggest lies in Poland?

"The check is in your mouth" and "I won't come in the mail."





What did Christina Aguerlia say to King Kong?

Is it in yet?



And finally,

How else do hellen Keller's parents punish her?

They leave the plunger in the toilet.

Heres one a friend told me..its horrible but thats the point right lol.

Why do Mexicans re-fry their beans? Have you seen a Mexican do anything right the first time?

lukin wrote:Heres one a friend told me..its horrible but thats the point right lol.

Why do Mexicans re-fry their beans? Have you seen a Mexican do anything right the first time?

...thats kinda mean.....

¡Bastardos malos!!