The ASK LANDO! Thread

dream in japanese · Post by **dream in japanese** » 1/8/2004, 10:40 am

i was watching this cartoon where the bad guy Mr. Twitchell invented a spray that removed snow. his evil plan was to rid the whole town of snow and winter would be gone forever. Will he ever come to my city?[glow=darkred][/glow]

Bandalero · Post by **Bandalero** » 1/8/2004, 1:01 pm

hey lando, i got this big assed pimple on my ass...and i need help poping it.....help me out?

Lando · Post by **Lando** » 1/8/2004, 6:14 pm

Bandalero wrote:hey lando, i got this big assed pimple on my ass...and i need help poping it.....help me out?

Considering I don't know how to POPE something I don't know if I can help you out. You should try calling the Pope, he probably knows what to do.

Here's his number 1-800-ILUVHOS

Lando · Post by **Lando** » 1/8/2004, 6:18 pm

carnival_7 wrote:i was watching this cartoon where the bad guy Mr. Twitchell invented a spray that removed snow. his evil plan was to rid the whole town of snow and winter would be gone forever. Will he ever come to my city?[glow=darkred][/glow]

You're lucky in this case, you see in NINJA TURTLES 2 The Arcade Game, for Nintendo, the ninja turtles stop a weather machine from turning the whole city into winter. However, now that this enemy is trying to do the opposite, all you have to do is get a hold of the turtles on their shell-coms and tell them you need Donatello to alter the weather machine, so that you can use it to create winter in your town, just in case Mr. Twitchell shows up. You could also get Donatello to build you a clone of the machine, so that you have your own. Then you don't need to borrow theirs.

Now, aren't you glad you have T-U-R-T-L-E Power!?

dream in japanese · Post by **dream in japanese** » 1/8/2004, 6:29 pm

i'm afraid my concern was misunderstood. i actually want this Mr. Twitchell to come and rid winter from my city. do you know if he will be coming to my town soon? if not do the ninja turtles perhaps have a weather machine that turns the whole city into summer? i'd be very much interested in one of those. would you perhaps have Donatello's shell-com number? i might be interested in calling him up some time. i have a few favours i must ask him.

Lando · Post by **Lando** » 1/8/2004, 6:40 pm

Oh, in that case, if Mr. Twitchell doesnt visit your city, then yes Donatello could easily reverse the effects of the weather machine to make it summer.

As for the Shell Com number, if you don't have a shell com, you won't be able to reach him. If you do have one, all you have to do is open it and it dials the Turtles automatically!

Lando · Post by **Lando** » 1/8/2004, 6:43 pm

Absent Minded Guitarist wrote:Lando, will I ever get a job?

I don't see it happening any time soon, unless you become a rock guitarist.

dream in japanese · Post by **dream in japanese** » 1/8/2004, 6:47 pm

i do not have a shell com

do you have a shell com you could lend me? or will i just never be able to contacts the turtles.

Lando · Post by **Lando** » 1/8/2004, 6:50 pm

Absent Minded Guitarist wrote:Lando, will I ever get a job?

I don't see it happening any time soon, unless you become a rock guitarist.

Lando · Post by **Lando** » 1/8/2004, 6:52 pm

carnival_7 wrote:i do not have a shell com

do you have a shell com you could lend me? or will i just never be able to contacts the turtles.

Hope is not lost. I couldn't lend you mine cause they'd kick me out of the turtle fan club. You'll have to try to become a member to this elite club. If you do, you're awarded a shell com. Unfortunately, it's pretty hard to become a member, there are only 16 people in the club worldwide!

I got in by using Krang as a bowling ball. It made the turtles laugh and I also defeated their enemy, so I was awarded membership!

dream in japanese · Post by **dream in japanese** » 1/8/2004, 7:17 pm

do you have any suggestions as to how i can get into this elite club?

Lando · Post by **Lando** » 1/8/2004, 7:22 pm

There are only THREE ways to become a member.

1. Impress a Ninja Turtle

2. Save the life of a Ninja Turtle (or Splinter)

3. Be a relative of the Ninja Turtles.

Johnny · Post by **Johnny** » 1/8/2004, 9:26 pm

Lando, I don't sleep well. Will I ever get a good night sleep?

dream in japanese · Post by **dream in japanese** » 1/8/2004, 9:36 pm

Lando wrote:There are only THREE ways to become a member.

1. Impress a Ninja Turtle

2. Save the life of a Ninja Turtle (or Splinter)

3. Be a relative of the Ninja Turtles.

i don't see much hope in me ever becoming a member

Sonya · Post by **Sonya** » 1/8/2004, 11:46 pm

Lando - I am getting 37% in Gr.10 Math. I have exactly 6 business days to raise that mark up to 65%. Do I have a chance at passing Math?(!?!?!)

nikki4982 · Post by **nikki4982** » 1/9/2004, 12:17 am

Lando, where do babies come from?

Lando · Post by **Lando** » 1/9/2004, 5:38 am

Absent Minded Guitarist wrote:Lando, I don't sleep well. Will I ever get a good night sleep?

See a doctor. Or take over the counter pills to aid your sleeping endeavors. Understand that most of them are healthy. But seeing a doctor first might give you some insight as to what you can do or what can be done to help you sleep better.

Also, listen to an OLP album as you're going to sleep. If you sleep better to softer music. Make your own mixed cd of the slower songs.

Oh yeah and the answer is YES. You will. Many in fact.

Lando · Post by **Lando** » 1/9/2004, 5:48 am

tiarie414 wrote:Lando - I am getting 37% in Gr.10 Math. I have exactly 6 business days to raise that mark up to 65%. Do I have a chance at passing Math?(!?!?!)

You have to talk to the teacher. See if there are any assignments you still need to hand in and if he/she/it will accept them. If so, you have to calculate how much those will bring your mark up. This also depends on what exams are coming up and how much they're worth. If you can bring your mark up into the forties I can see you passing math with an exam that's worth a lot.

As for 65% if that's what you need to pass math... then I'm really not too sure if it's possible. Unless you have a lot of assignments to hand in that the teacher will accept.

Lando · Post by **Lando** » 1/9/2004, 5:58 am

nikki4982 wrote:Lando, where do babies come from?

Okay nikki, I know I've given you a different story when you were younger, but you're 21 now, so I think you can know the truth.

Babies are created when a man (or boy who has reached puberty) inserts his penis into a woman's vagina. This is called sexual intercourse.

Wait wait wait... nevermind that's how STD's are transmitted...

Sorry I got a little confused.

Babies are created when you have Bill Cosby visit your home and yell things like "SHAZZAM!" or "I AM THE MASTER OF THE UNIVERSE!" Yeah... that's right... I'm sure those are his sayings.

Anyway, when he yells those things, check your toaster. If you have a piece of toast in there that's a light brownish colour, then check your bottle of mouthwash. If it's a green, blue, or greenish blue colour, then check your closet. If you have more than 3 shirts in your closet, then check your neighbour's garbage. If there are old Barry Manilow records that they've thrown out in there, then check your Sombrero collection. If any of them have beads or are have any red in them, then go back to where Bill Cosby is standing staring at the ceiling and check his underwear from behind. If he wrote his name in them, on the butt area, or on the elastic. Or if someone's even sewn his name into them, then order a pizza. Make sure you ask to have it delivered. When the delivery boy shows up, he'll be carrying a baby!

And that's where babies come from.

dream in japanese · Post by **dream in japanese** » 1/9/2004, 10:34 am

Lando, since you are so tight with the turtles, do you think there is any way you could maybe get me in the elite ninja turtle club? :puppyeyes: