The ASK LANDO! Thread

Lando · Post by **Lando** » 7/24/2003, 5:32 am

Do it! I need a reason to come to the CM other than to spam!

xoNoDoubt69 · Post by **xoNoDoubt69** » 7/24/2003, 6:18 am

should i stay or should i go ?

Lando · Post by **Lando** » 7/24/2003, 6:22 am

Go. For sure. Unless you're referring to the song. Then staying might be a better option. If you're asking about what I think you're asking about. Then GO is the answer. Or even better. Follow your heart.

nelison · Post by **nelison** » 7/24/2003, 9:27 am

Lando... what's your life story?

Mechanical Thought · Post by **Mechanical Thought** » 7/24/2003, 9:54 am

Whats the deal with ... cows?

robcore · Post by **robcore** » 7/24/2003, 9:55 am

Is it right or wrong to laugh at people because they have natural deformaties.

dream in japanese · Post by **dream in japanese** » 7/24/2003, 10:03 am

is it possible for me to ever be as cool as you?

sandsleeper · Post by **sandsleeper** » 7/24/2003, 10:08 am

what's that stuff growing on the banana in my kitchen?

dream in japanese · Post by **dream in japanese** » 7/24/2003, 10:16 am

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if said woodchuck could chuck wood?

Sufjan Stevens · Post by **Sufjan Stevens** » 7/24/2003, 11:00 am

Hey Strongbad, how did you get so awesome? And by Strongbad, I mean Lando.

Susan · Post by **Susan** » 7/24/2003, 11:00 am

My 500 shares of a coporation vest in 3 months, and I need a new wall-mounted flat-screen TV.

Solve for x.

megxyz128 · Post by **megxyz128** » 7/24/2003, 12:58 pm

my question is: why aren't you answering questions???!?!?! HUH!

thirdhour · Post by **thirdhour** » 7/24/2003, 1:00 pm

that is the question!

xoNoDoubt69 · Post by **xoNoDoubt69** » 7/24/2003, 1:20 pm

he answered my question

thirdhour · Post by **thirdhour** » 7/24/2003, 1:31 pm

now get your ass on the other ones, you lazy bum! :mad:

ourladypeace10000 · Post by **ourladypeace10000** » 7/24/2003, 5:29 pm

Lando...why was I born to this earth?

Even more important...Lando, why do you look like this sexy clown? :clumsy:

<-Lando the sexy clown

Lando · Post by **Lando** » 7/24/2003, 8:18 pm

J-Neli wrote:Lando... what's your life story?

Well my real life story is about as plain as white bread with nothing on it... Leave it outside on the counter too long and it dries out, grows mold and smells funny.

So I'll tell you my version, which hopefully is much more interesting.

Back in 1903 I was working in a Diamond mine in North Carolina. I'm a born Canadian, but I needed the work and was outlawed to work in Canada for a decade.
While working in the mines I met a good friend. Gus O'Callahan. He saved my life once when a bunch of rabid skunks were going to devour my leg. I found out later, he just saved me so he could ask my daughter Agatha's hand in marriage... Well I solved that by cutting off her hand. I know, to you, this sounds insanely cruel, but back in 1903 it was a common thing to do. Accepted by society if you will.

So after about a decade of working the mines I moved back to Canada and took up a job opportunity. I decided I'd be the local Superman. So I put on the tights, climbed to the roof of a really tall building (thought: Why the hell didn't I take the freakin' stairs!?)
and waited for a crime to occur down below on the polluted streets. After about 79 and a half hours I saw an old women having her purse stolen. I decided to fly down and catch the criminal in the act. So I lept off the building head first, fists out, heading directly toward the thug. Unfortunately, super powers were a requirement for this job... Another thing I wasn't aware of. When I awoke, they were peeling me off the pavement. Lucky for me, I didn't break every bone in my body. My spine was still intact. Later that day I slipped into a 40 year coma, after awakening I had another 8 years of rehabilitation before I was able to walk again, so I decided it was time to start my life over. Now 97 years old. I wanted to start another family. I learned to read so I could read the classifieds for Mail order brides... My understanding was that the Mail or (post office) would order a bride for me. From where? I didn't care! So I went to the post office and asked them to order me a bride... They looked at me like I was crazy and I refused to leave until they ordered me a bride. I did show them the add in the paper after all. After about 30 minutes of ranting a bunch of men in White suits came and locked me up in a rubber room for another 18 years. It was the greatest time of my life!! Have you ever been in a room where the floor, roof and every wall was like one big trampoline!?!? I didn't think so!!! I got so much excercise that when I was released I entered the competition for Mr. Universe and won!!! I became very rich and decided to become a actor!! I started off in softcore porno, but soon worked my way up to the big times. Yes, that's right. Late night Infomercials! Ever since then I've been living off my riches and watching continuous episodes of DUCK TALES! WOO-OOO!

Now days I eat a healthy diet of 13 Arby's roast beef sandwiches a day and drink 47 gallons of unpasturized milk. At my age, it's the only thing keeping me alive!

Of course there's a lot to my life I skipped out. That was just the basics...

Hope that clears some things up for you!

Lando · Post by **Lando** » 7/24/2003, 8:26 pm

Mechanical Thought wrote:Whats the deal with ... cows?

Cows. Well you see cows are a very complicated animal. Some of them are SPIES or IMPOSTERS as I like to call them...

If you ever see a field of cows and all of them are brown except for one or two that have WHITE heads or are multicoloured. Look out!!! It's a government spy!!! The government believes that cows are some sort of supreme being to humans and can actually coMOOOOOnicate on a higher level than humans.

Regular cows however, as we all know provide us with something to knock over when they're sleeping, milk, meat, but most of all something to challenge to a fight when you're to scared to call on a local bully because they'll pulverize you into the ground. You see, if you yell at a cow, it just stands there and says "MOOOO" which will just enrage you more, making you feel more powerful and that is a good thing folks. Then when you go call on your local bully at least you'll have the balls to do it before you get pulverized into the pavement!!!

As for the government spies... We all know cows aren't some sort of supreme being... They're just cows. Slow and dumb animals with bad flatulence and HUGE piles of fecies that probably weigh more than most people here on the CM do. Supreme beings. HA! Who could believe such a thing... That's rediculous!!!!

..................... Or is it?

Mechanical Thought · Post by **Mechanical Thought** » 7/24/2003, 8:27 pm

Thanks Lando!

Lando · Post by **Lando** » 7/24/2003, 8:31 pm

Gonna Sex You Up wrote:Is it right or wrong to laugh at people because they have natural deformaties.

Is it right to laugh at people with unnatural deformaties?

Exactly.

You see, deformaties are as normal as you or me. It's what makes everyone unique ore different. I work with someone who's been struck by lightning. He used to be a computer tech and has a family. 3 Grown up kids now, and unfortunately do to the accident he's dumber than a jar of marmalade now. Do you think his kids laugh at him because he mumbles and talks to the walls? Of course they do!!!

But they just do it behind his back. Just like everyone should.

It's a matter of being polite or rude. It's rude to smear fecies on someone's face when you're wiping your ass, but is it so rude to smear fecies on their walls when they're not there? Oh.... nevermind, bad example.

Just look at it like this. If you find it funny, it doesn't make you a bad person, but hurting them or their feelings because of their differences does make you a bad person. If you're laughing on the inside or with your friends while they're not there, then no harm done!!!