Self-Harm

Joey · Post by **Joey** » 10/1/2004, 4:53 pm

this topic comes up all the time on the yellowcard message board where there are no moderators and the comments some people say are absolutely disgusting .. people are very insensitive about topics they don't understand. from someone who deals with this firsthand it's extremely hard trying to explain the reasoning behind this and it's very frustrating trying to make people understand when it's obvious it's something they'll never be able to grasp. especially with people who have issues with their holier than thou attitude .. even when they're trying to be nice it comes off as condescending.

nelison · Post by **nelison** » 10/1/2004, 5:25 pm

Then don't come in and talk about it if you aren't comfortable. If someone wants to discuss this they are welcome to, and you are welcome to post about it if you have something to contribute.

We should all be mature enough to discuss serious issues, and no one here believes they are mightier than another. We all have different points of view and it's important to discuss those.

As well the idea that someone should not be posting because they apparently don't understand is just as obsurd as the idea that you're telling us what we do or do not understand. It's like saying Canadians shouldn't talk about American issues. No difference really.

Anyways, back on topic. If anyone would like to discuss it I know there are more than a few of us that would be interested in such a discussion (not a bashing as Joey seems to think). Thanks.

Joey · Post by **Joey** » 10/1/2004, 5:38 pm

I know there are self harmers on this board and I've had conversations about it with them, so I am more then comfortable talking about such issues. I also know for a fact that the self harmers on this board will not participate in this discussion .. self injury is a very personal issue and for someone who self injures it's not that easy to discuss so openly on a message board .. that's like laying your heart completely wide open and allowing people to dissect it. Just because your intention is to have a 'discussion' about it, doesn't mean people are going to be comfortable discussing it .. that doesn't take rocket science to understand. You might not mean for your comments to come across as 'bashing' but it's a sensitive issue and needs to be treated as so and that's just not possible on a board with so many people.

Especially when people think it's so easy to overcome and it's so easy to just 'get help' when it's not that simple .. nothing in life is that simple. That's like someone who's never done a drug in their life telling a drug addict "oh it's easy to get help if you really want it." Telling people they need to realize they have a problem is not the way to go about discussions like these. Especially when the person telling you you have a problem, doesn't even understand the problem to begin with.

I also know there are so called professionals out there who don't understand self injury and have made the wrong assumptions about it to their patients and have caused more harm then good in the end. You're right, we should all be mature enough to discuss such issues with an openmind .. but that's not the case here. Everyone here is not mature enough for such discussions .. this topic has come up a few times on this board and I vividly remember some of the ignorant things that were said then too. Everyone's comments about self injury tend to stick in my head and bounce around there for awhile because it's a topic that hits so close to home.

I'm not one that really gives a shit about what random message board people think about me .. I'm a much stronger person because of the shit I've gone through in my life but that doesn't change the fact that this is a very personal topic to anyone who doesn't treat it like a 'trend' or a 'fad.'

Korzic · Post by **Korzic** » 10/1/2004, 6:54 pm

"That which does not break you only makes you stronger"

I've never self harmed but I do understand how it work. I sorta understand WHY it works, not logically, but emotionally. Logically, all you do is make a few marks on your arms and the next morning the problem is still there. But I understand that in a case of a friend, cutting was using physical pain to take away emotional pain.

Cole · Post by **Cole** » 10/1/2004, 6:56 pm

mosaik wrote:effin a.

i'm sure that for some minds, self harm even soothes other kinds of pain or what have you, but it is not a solution to any problem because it in itself is a problem.

like Jim says, things like this can be fixed but you may not know how to do it on your own and that's why we have people who have studied our minds and understand why we act how we do.

they're there to help.

It is a solution if the problem behind it is worse than the problem of cutting. (I hope that made sense)
And take it from me, someone who is studying psychology...most of these dopes have no clue what self-harm is all about. And they should, because it is a really serious and misunderstood issue. That's why I think it's kinda important to talk about it with random people, maybe from a message board, maybe not...as long as they don't know me personally, I don't mind.

And Joey, I'm sorry if I've offended you by making this thread, but you know... I've seen a lot of strange ideas about it and I'm past the point of trying to get someone to understand who just doesn't want to. I mean, don't you wish you didn't know what it was like? It's one thing to know first-hand, and another completely to just have an open mind about it and take our word that there's more to it than just "getting help". I don't think it's a good idea to leave everyone ignorant about the issue.

I hope what i said makes sense... :wtf:

Joey · Post by **Joey** » 10/1/2004, 7:03 pm

Korzic wrote:"That which does not break you only makes you stronger"

I've never self harmed but I do understand how it work. I sorta understand WHY it works, not logically, but emotionally. Logically, all you do is make a few marks on your arms and the next morning the problem is still there. But I understand that in a case of a friend, cutting was using physical pain to take away emotional pain.

Exactly .. when you can't fix the pain on the inside you cause harm on the outside, a real physical pain you can feel and control. The only time I've ever done this is when I was at breaking points where if I didn't do something like this, I would have done something much worse. It's a fast, temporary solution to something that could spiral out of control and this was my way of taking a breath and calming myself down. It's a release .. you will feel a calming effect almost immediately.

I'm not offended by this topic at all. I just know by previous attempts at this topic on this particular board it never ends well. I agree people should be clued in to this sort of issue, especially parents .. but this message board is not known for it's sensitivity to put it nicely and I don't know if you were around when this topic was brought up before, but it wasn't pretty.

Clumsy7Thief · Post by **Clumsy7Thief** » 10/1/2004, 7:18 pm

Joey I really agree with almost everything you've said. And that took a lot to keep coming to this thread and posting. :thumbs:

I agree with Cole too, especially about how its somewhat easier to talk to a message board about it cuz they dont know you in real life. I dont cut, but I do other forms of self harm and I couldnt even dream about telling some of my friends. :\

Korzic · Post by **Korzic** » 10/1/2004, 8:00 pm

I know I talk to my net friends lots more than my real life friends... it just seems easier. <3 Sarah and Kym

</diversion off main point>

Joey · Post by **Joey** » 10/1/2004, 8:01 pm

None of my 'real' friends know anything. Well, just one .. but even then, I don't like talking about it face to face .. but I can go on for hours if we're talking online. My 'real' friends are clueless and too self absorbed to notice something like that.

nelison · Post by **nelison** » 10/1/2004, 8:59 pm

Cole wrote:
mosaik wrote:effin a.

i'm sure that for some minds, self harm even soothes other kinds of pain or what have you, but it is not a solution to any problem because it in itself is a problem.

like Jim says, things like this can be fixed but you may not know how to do it on your own and that's why we have people who have studied our minds and understand why we act how we do.

they're there to help.

It is a solution if the problem behind it is worse than the problem of cutting. (I hope that made sense)
And take it from me, someone who is studying psychology...most of these dopes have no clue what self-harm is all about. And they should, because it is a really serious and misunderstood issue. That's why I think it's kinda important to talk about it with random people, maybe from a message board, maybe not...as long as they don't know me personally, I don't mind.

I happen to be a psych major as well... I may have more faith in the system than most people, but the system is set up to help people. If it didn't work, it wouldn't be around. I understand these things have a lot of depth to them, but sometimes it takes others to put that into a manageable context. You don't know until you try. Maybe people would stop abusing themselves if they went and talked to someone. I'm going to do some research on it tonight with some psych journals. I'll try and report on my findings tomorrow.

Just a question, but wouldn't you rather want to develop a way to cope without having to inflict harm on yourself?

closeyoureyes · Post by **closeyoureyes** » 10/1/2004, 9:27 pm

It has become a fad. But you can tell from the people who actually do it, to the people who do it as a fad. The people who do it to relieve pain, hide the cuts. Its a shameful thing[or atleast it always felt that way]. People who do it as a fad, im sorry, but they really suck. Because there are people who actually need help. Doing something because other people do it, is never cool. And especially something like this.

I would know. :uh:

I cant explain why, i dont know why. It helped me, but then at the same time, it just hurt me more. I dont think you can ever understand it, if you've never done it. Not to make it something exclusive, i just dont know HOw to put it into words.

Joey · Post by **Joey** » 10/1/2004, 9:56 pm

I'm not ashamed of myself for doing it. I hid the marks and the scars for 8 years simply because I didn't want my mom finding out because it would have killed her and I didn't want to bring anymore pain to anyone else .. so I kept the pain to myself. Rather then hurt someone else, I'd rather hurt myself.

I hid my cuts/scars more for other people's benefit .. so they wouldn't have to feel uncomfortable asking me about it, so they wouldn't have to feel anything or feel guilty etc .. if I love and trust you I don't hide my scars .. of course there's only one person I feel that comfortable around but still.

I agree, unless you've experienced it firsthand or someone close to you has gone through something similiar you just can't understand. Just like you can't understand what it feels to be drunk or high until you experience it for yourself. Or you can't understand what it feels like to lose a mother or a father unless you've lost your own parent. We can tell you how we feel, what it feels like and why we do it .. but you never truly understand something until you go through it yourself no matter how many text books you read.

Cole · Post by **Cole** » 10/1/2004, 10:06 pm

J-Neli wrote:Just a question, but wouldn't you rather want to develop a way to cope without having to inflict harm on yourself?

Inflicting harm on myself doesn't bother me, as long as it helps. And in a way that obviously can't be understood, it does.

Sonya · Post by **Sonya** » 10/1/2004, 10:08 pm

Joey wrote:for the people who are saying talk to professionals .. try it. you confide your deepest and darkest thoughts and feelings to a complete stranger. and if you get stuck with a professional who doesn't understand self harm, good luck .. let's face it, most so called 'professionals' are idiots .. plus what most people don't understand is, that not everyone WANTS help ..

I have to agree with everything here.

i used to cut myself ages ago, when i was really depressed... not so much anymore, but it's kind of become a nervous habit. :uhh:

Joey · Post by **Joey** » 10/1/2004, 10:10 pm

I haven't cut in a few months but I've taken to picking the hell out of my fingers .. until they're gross and bleeding. I get really tense and nervous and I have to be doing something so that's what I do. I won't even realize I'm doing it until I'll look down and my finger will be bleeding. :uh:

Cole · Post by **Cole** » 10/1/2004, 10:12 pm

I haven't cut for 2 months, but night before last it got to me again, and...blah :uh:

Joey · Post by **Joey** » 10/1/2004, 10:16 pm

The thing with talking to someone about it .. a lot of times you'll tell them what they want to hear, just so they'll leave you alone. They lie, they say they aren't doing it anymore, they're just cutting in a spot that's not as noticable. You're a stranger, we don't trust you with something so personal .. that's an invasion of privacy so we smile and nod and tell you what you want to hear. I know I would do that if forced to speak to someone about it. A doctor once saw my arms .. I was there for completely different reasons, he looked at my arms, asked me what happened .. I dodged the question and he rolled his eyes at me. :uh:

Cole · Post by **Cole** » 10/1/2004, 10:47 pm

Joey wrote:The thing with talking to someone about it .. a lot of times you'll tell them what they want to hear, just so they'll leave you alone. They lie, they say they aren't doing it anymore, they're just cutting in a spot that's not as noticable. You're a stranger, we don't trust you with something so personal .. that's an invasion of privacy so we smile and nod and tell you what you want to hear. I know I would do that if forced to speak to someone about it. A doctor once saw my arms .. I was there for completely different reasons, he looked at my arms, asked me what happened .. I dodged the question and he rolled his eyes at me.

If someone saw my scars and asked me what happend, doctor or not, i would just be like "What scars? I don't see any scars." and no matter how much they insisted they were there, I would just deny seeing anything. lol..I'm sure that would shut them up eventually.

closeyoureyes · Post by **closeyoureyes** » 10/1/2004, 10:49 pm

I havent cut for... 5 Months. I dont know why. I just dont anymore. I dont know if you can outgrow it. I pull my hair out now when under stress. I dunno if its any better. But i just dont want more scars. I was so sick of hiding it, I just felt like i wanted to rip down my sleeves and be like "Do you still think You KNOW me?". So I Stopped.

superboots · Post by **superboots** » 10/2/2004, 6:29 pm

i understand what everybody is saying about not trusting a professional with talking about your feelings/cutting/etc. i've never really thought about cutting myself but i have done stupid things to try to ease my pain when i was really depressed. Talking to a counselor really helped me. It's their job to listen and understand, they have much much practice in knowing how to listen and help. But if you can't trust the person, it never works because they only know what you tell them. If somebody cuts themselves to feel better, and it works for them, I think it may not be the best solution, but if they honestly cannot see a counselor because of trust issues, it may be the only way they can try to feel.

so basically i didn't really say anything just regard my message hehe