THE DISAPPEARANCE OF RAINE

liam · Post by **liam** » 10/3/2002, 7:38 pm

Raine: *thinking to self* when i get home if i get home, i'm gonna make sure i woop alll my fellow members' asses then i'm gonna have sex with my wife... alot... YEAH... Then i'm gonna start checking the CM websites for the new plan to kidnap me...

One-Eye · Post by **One-Eye** » 10/3/2002, 7:43 pm

Kidnapper 1: Uh, Raine, you can't sleep now. *whips out handcuffs*
Raine: *sigh* Again?
Kidnapper 3: Heehee! I just got it, guys! Hey Raine, you how in all for you you wanted a new tattoo and a lot more sex? Well, now you got it, buddy!
Raine: NO! You take my lyrics too literally! That line was referring to karma and the cosmic forces which align to direct our lives and...
Kidnapper 2: Hey, Kidnapper 3, you're right! Teeheeeheeeheeee!
Kidnapper 1: Guys? There's handcuffs and Raine Maida right here and you're discussing the meaning of LYRICS?!
Princess Brent: I'm gonna get some tacos.
Kidnapper 2: And miss out on the fun? *shrugs* Don't blow our cover, okay?
Princess Brent: *walks of trailer, forgetting that he's wearing his home-made "I kidnapped Raine Maida and all I got was this lousy T-shirt" shirt...*

To be continued....

superboots · Post by **superboots** » 10/3/2002, 7:46 pm

ok..I have the whole story in order now...when it's done, maybe we should post it or something :-D

joe_canadian · Post by **joe_canadian** » 10/3/2002, 7:46 pm

My god women (and brent), are you trying to kill him? The man needs rest!

liam · Post by **liam** » 10/3/2002, 7:47 pm

why does kidnapper two refer to kidnapper 3 as kidnapper 3...

One-Eye · Post by **One-Eye** » 10/3/2002, 7:49 pm

Shutup. We don't want to assign names. Suffice to say that the kidnappers are myself, Suzie, Lori, Arlie, Emma, and Gail. You can assign names at will.

:evil:

joe_canadian · Post by **joe_canadian** » 10/3/2002, 7:50 pm

Bradford How: We have an update on the Raine Maida kidnapping! Though their demands remain a mystery, the kidnapping group responsible has claimed that they will "fuck mister maida to death" unless their mysterious demands are met. Truly horriffic. *cough*

liam · Post by **liam** » 10/3/2002, 7:51 pm

*clumsyrific* wrote:ok..I have the whole story in order now...when it's done, maybe we should post it or something :-D

YAY GO BETH!

Susan · Post by **Susan** » 10/3/2002, 8:00 pm

Jer: Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Duncan: Alright! We can all rest easy knowing Jeremy is in charge!
Steve: No we can't.
Duncan: I know! I was... Nevermind.
Jer: Ok. Duncan, I need you to go through this *points at chart* vent over the west corridor of the compound.
Duncan: Why me? Steve's smaller.
Steve: Shhh!
Jer: Fine! Steve's going through the vent. Duncan, we need you to distract the dogs.
Duncan: What dogs?
Jer: The ones that walk around in side the fence. You know, the big ones, that foam at the mouth.
Duncan: What the fu-
Jer: Wait! You don't actually need to go. We'll just use your shirt to distract them from your scent!
Duncan: The one I'm wearing?
Steve: The holey shirt?
Jer: Yeah.
Duncan. No.
Jer: Fine, don't give us your shirt. We can just drop you through the roof right into the room where those crazy chicks are and-
Duncan: Screw it. I'll distract the dogs.
Jer: Steve! We'll arm you with something for when you finally make it out of the vent.
Steve: With a gun?
Jer: Yeahyeah, sure. Now, what do you do if you encounter one of those crazy people in the building?
Steve: Uh... Shoot them?
Jer: HOLY SHIT! You're DEAD!

The saga continues.

superboots · Post by **superboots** » 10/3/2002, 8:03 pm

Back to the Jer, Duncan and Bethany scene

Jer: Damnit Steve, you made her pass out again! Give me one of those beers, let's see if this'll work

(spills beer over Bethany's head)

Bethany: *awakens once again and sees Jer, Duncan and Steve's heads looking down at her* AHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

Steve: Whoa! Whoa! calm down! Be quiet!

Bethany: I just had a dream....and you, and you and you were in it too...I dreamed that I hit a telephone pole and passed out and then I saw Jer and Duncan, passed out again, woke up, saw Steve and passed out again, and that... brings us... to now.

Steve: umm...that did happen. So, I think we've met before, you're, Bethany, right?

Bethany: yeah, that I am, I'm your biggest fan, *gets nervous*i'mtheleaderofacultlikethingaboutyouexceptitsnotacultitsamobthemazuritemobandwereadyourbedtimestoriesandbrushyourteethand...and....watch people grab your bum.

Steve: What did you just say...YOU'RE the leader of the Mazurite Mob!!! Everyone's been telling me about you! I finally get to meet you! *gives Bethany a hug* Here, take a guitar pick...or, how about my black shirt, you want that? *rips off shirt and gives it to Bethany* When we come back to Detroit, I'll make sure you're on the guest list.

(hey, a girl can dream, can't she?)
Jer: Hey, what's on your hand?

Bethany: *looks down at hand* oh, I wrote down the number of the Find Raine hotline thing.

Duncan: Wait! Do you know anything about what's going on?

Bethany: Yeah...actually, I was going to call it and yell at those mean cmers for ..*looks at Steve* umm...for kidnapping poor, innocent Raine!

Duncan: You mean, you know what this CM thing is? Call it up! Jer, give her your cell phone!

Bethany: *calls the number*

One-Eye · Post by **One-Eye** » 10/3/2002, 8:09 pm

Crawling above the room where the kidnappers are keeping Raine, Steve hears the rafters crack, and the next thing he knows, he's fallen through the ceiling into the room.

Kidnappers and Raine: STEVE?!
Steve: Boo?! Are you okay?!
Raine: Never better. And you?
Steve: I'm great, now that I know you are!
Kidnappers: Awwwwww.
Steve: Raine... are you... naked?
Raine: *looks down* Oh, uh, yeah. We're kind of busy, actually.
Kidnapper 4: Where are our manners, ladies? Steve, would you like to join in?
Steve: Uh, actually I'm here to save Raine from you people. And my heart belongs to Bethany, anyway.
Kidnappers: Damn. Well, we can't have you taking Raine away from us, so I suppose we have to tie you up.
Steve: Oh. That sucks.

(Aerin: This thread has developed a mind of its own very quickly...)

liam · Post by **liam** » 10/3/2002, 8:11 pm

Jeremy: all this Raine Hunting is getting me mad

Duncan: don't say that hang in there

Jer: but i don't think i can go on

Duncan: c'mon i'll buy us dinner

Jer: thats not gonna work this time

Duncan: Gets closer: Who's my snugglup

Jer: no not know

Duncan:on top of jer: Who's my little snugglepup

JEr: Iam

*steve Walks IN*

Steve: umm, :wtf:

Duncan i thought i was you snugglepup :crying:

:runs away yelling: You don't know who I am inside

Dunc: now that he's gone lets get to the lovin

(JEESH THAT WAS HARSH>>>)

joe_canadian · Post by **joe_canadian** » 10/3/2002, 8:13 pm

Four way split screen mode:

Jer: *in OLP-mobile* Beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer!
Raine: Damn woman I already made sweet love to you five minutes ago, you trying to kill me?
Steve: Oh look, I'm naked again!
Duncan: *being chased by dogs* Why the fuck do I aways get fucked over like this!?

Xavier870 · Post by **Xavier870** » 10/3/2002, 8:14 pm

** Several Hours Later **

Brent- Hmm..... I think now that the girls have run off to find Emtee and drag his ass back here, I'll go have some private time with Raine... :evil:

:: knock knock knock ::

Raine: Wtf? :wtf:

Brent: Time to wake up buddy, I'm getting you the fuck outta here.
Raine: Where are you taking me?
Brent: Where am I taking you? WHERE AM I TAKING YOU?! Back to freedom! Back to reality! Back to where the grass is green, and the beer is free! I'm taking you too East Africa! Where the spider monkeys hang from trees like bats in a cave! I'm taking you to God's country, you pitiful fool! Now let's make haste before those silly CM girls come back. Don't they realize that Steve Mazur will never be traded for you? He's worth more! Think Raine, THINKL
Raine: ...Riiiiggght. Well I've never performed in Africa, and the whole Oral Sex thing is getting kind of old, so meh, what the hell.
Brent: Then let's be off. They will never know we are! I'll right a note and leave it here. All it says is.... "Gone to the spider monkeys.....". Let's see them find us now!
Raine: You're fucking insane. I want the girls back!
Brent: NEVER!

**TO BE CONTINUED....**

joe_canadian · Post by **joe_canadian** » 10/3/2002, 8:15 pm

Our stories are starting to contradict each other :freak:

liam · Post by **liam** » 10/3/2002, 8:16 pm

Jer remembers

OLP MOBILE TRAINing where cardboard cut outs of buddy hackett were set up and you had to make sure they were hit by the olp mobile before he stole your beer, no one expected it to really happen

(liam must sleep now goodnight everyone i love you all, most of you anyway)

superboots · Post by **superboots** » 10/3/2002, 8:16 pm

back to the phone scene:

Bethany: Hey, this is Bethany....*starts speaking in spanish so that Duncan, Jer and Steve don't know what she's saying* Estoy con el resto de la banda...y tengo Esteban...vamos a tratar de encontrar ustedes, y van a darse Esteban para Llueve....*bwa hahahhahah!!!*

( I am with the rest of the band, and I have Steve, we are going to try to find you guys and we'll give you steve for raine)

Susan · Post by **Susan** » 10/3/2002, 8:16 pm

Jer: Hmm. Doesn't seem like steve is coming back.
*Duncan runs like a madman leaps over the short wall that surrounds the building and scrambles back into the OLP Mobile*
Duncan: Damn... Dogs... Took... Shirt!
Jer: Gah! You're supposed to be inside the building!
Duncan: You didn't... Say anything... About-
Jer: Great! Now Steve's in there all defenceless!
Duncan: Didn't you... Give him a... Gun?
Jer: Nope. No guns around. I improvised and gave him a mallet instead.
Duncan: Mallet?
Jer: Yeah.
Duncan: As in... Croquet mallet?
Jer: I found it in a closet!
Duncan: HOLY SHIT! He's DEAD!

Xavier870 · Post by **Xavier870** » 10/3/2002, 8:17 pm

Ok we need to get back on track. Let's just assume that Dunc and Jer are in the warehouse where Raine was, and they find he's gone, but they find my note. Then the CM girls come back, find Jer and Dunc, and my note. Then they figure out I'm in East Africa with Raine. And Bethany and Steve are off somewhere else. :nod:

Susan · Post by **Susan** » 10/3/2002, 8:18 pm

I changed my post do Duncan and Jeremy are back in the mobile.