THE DISAPPEARANCE OF RAINE

One-Eye · Post by **One-Eye** » 10/3/2002, 5:26 pm

This is Yolanda Humperdink of MTV news, reporting live from someplace in Canada.

A ransom note for missing OLP frontman Raine Maida was found this morning on the front steps of the home he shares with his wife, Chantal Kreviazuk. In letters cut-and-pasted from magazines, it reads:

"If you ever want to see your husband again, stop making crappy music."

Experts suspect that this note is NOT from the kidnappers, but rather from someone who really, really doesn't like Ms. Kreviazuk's music. We contacted Ms. Kreviazuk for comment; and she had the following to say:

Chantal: "I will never stop making crappy music! Never!"

Back to you in the studio, Kurt.

happening fish · Post by **happening fish** » 10/3/2002, 5:27 pm

Ok i just read this whole thread and I still have no idea what the FUCK is going on :wtf:

< obviously missed something...

One-Eye · Post by **One-Eye** » 10/3/2002, 5:27 pm

psst, Alex, it started somewhere in the middle of the "Did you ever notice about Jeremy" thread...

liam · Post by **liam** » 10/3/2002, 5:33 pm

yes the thread i created MUAHAHAHA

happening fish · Post by **happening fish** » 10/3/2002, 5:34 pm

LOL thanks aerin i get it now :lol:

<

liam · Post by **liam** » 10/3/2002, 5:47 pm

no one can find raine maida i bet this whole thing isn't really happening and everyones just spamming about it on some stupid OLP website... :wtf:

thats tooo strange, that never happens... right lori

Lori: :roll:

happening fish · Post by **happening fish** » 10/3/2002, 6:09 pm

*smiles and nods*

joe_canadian · Post by **joe_canadian** » 10/3/2002, 6:36 pm

Raine: ....why is it so quiet now? No more phone calls? No more rescue attempts?? No more sex???? Anyone?
*silence*
Raine: Come on! I'm a kidnapped celebrity! Look at meeeeee!!
Kidnapper 1: It's late damnit. Scandal later. Sleep now. *drugs Raine*
Raine: Ooowaa..

happening fish · Post by **happening fish** » 10/3/2002, 6:40 pm

"Nurse! Give this man 50 CC's of.... drugs!"
"What drugs, doctor?"
"Uh.... heroine?"

One-Eye · Post by **One-Eye** » 10/3/2002, 6:48 pm

While Raine and his satisfied kidnappers sleep peacefully in the trailer....

The OLP-mobile is on the go!

Duncan: Think, dammit! Where would a bunch of obsessed fans take Raine?!
Jer: Dude.
Duncan: Must think like an obsessed fan... (in high girly voice)EEEEEEEE! Raine! I want to have your babies!!!!!
Jer:

Duncan: You're no help.

ArlieKoz13 · Post by **ArlieKoz13** » 10/3/2002, 6:49 pm

Holy bejeebus!! You guys are awesome!! This is so funny! :lol:

joe_canadian · Post by **joe_canadian** » 10/3/2002, 6:59 pm

Duncan: This is just too perplexing..
Jeremy: You're telling me, we're out of beer again. I swear to Jeebus if I see Hacket again...
Duncan: *snaps fingers* Jer, are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Jeremy: I think so Dunc, but how are we going to get the seven dwarves to shave their legs?
Duncan: No! We must activate... Robo-OLP!
Jeremy: *gasp* No! You fool, you'll kill us all!
Duncan: It is the only way my bespectaled compadre!
Jeremy: *sigh*
Duncan: *reaches into glove compartment of OLP-mobile, revealing big red button, labelled "Big Red Button"*
Jeremy: Hit it.
Duncan: *presses button*
*nothing happens*
Duncan: Well why the hell did we get that installed??
Jeremy: I dunno, Bob Rock gave it to us as a gift or something...

Meanwhile, back at the kidnapper's hideout...

Raine: zzZZzz....zZz...... zzZzeerrryyyyes mister Rock.... yes that is a great idea.... I agree Bob.... yes sir...... yes I will change the lyrics....... you make our music so much better mister Rock..... zzZZzz..

superboots · Post by **superboots** » 10/3/2002, 7:04 pm

nooo! that's not what's supposed to happen! :neutral:

Instead of actually watching the film and analyzing it for my paper, I thought about the story.

Here's where I left off.

*Duncan and Jeremy bring me upstairs*

Jeremy: Hey, is anybody home? :lol:

I crack myself up...if those crazy cm girls end up sacrificing Raine or something, I should take over as the lead singer...and drummer! We'll be...a one man army, except, we'll be...a 4 man army! Yeah!

Duncan: :roll:

Hey, look, she's opening her eyes!

Me: *waking up slowly* what? huh? Where am I? What's going on? :wtf:

Duncan: You ran into a telephone pole, we offered you some beer, and you fainted.

Me: *realizing what is going on* Ah, I remember it now! Hi guys, my name's Bethany, I'm a very big fan of your work *must stay calm and collected, must not make a fool out of yourself again* Hey, where did you get that bookbag? I had one just like that, and it got stolen here last year.

Jer: Oh...this old thing? Found it on the street last year, it had an old blanket and some of our cds in it...

*Steve runs in, naked* Hey guys, what's the problem? Hey, this girl looks familar, oh yes, that's right, I've spoken with you at a few shows, um...Bethany, isn't it?

Bethany: *starting to hyperventilate again* OLP...has...my bookbag..and Steve Mazur...is..naked AND remembered my name. My ultimate fantasy has....come true. *faints*

then Josh and Gail's and everyone else's additions :-D

liam · Post by **liam** » 10/3/2002, 7:05 pm

Bob (ROCK): Hey you guys kidnapped raine, why would you kidnap me...

Kidnapper: well really it was soo we didn't get caught stealing the drugs we found in your house.... thanks to those Raine Loves us...

Bob: trust me he loved me more right raine?

Raine: No mama i hated that Jethro Tul album... Mom quit hitting me, i'm not your little girl anymore, i grew a penis...

Bob: thats my boy!

superboots · Post by **superboots** » 10/3/2002, 7:08 pm

because I don't want to do homework, I'm going to copy and paste this story so that everything's in right order.

I wanna keep this work of art!

liam · Post by **liam** » 10/3/2002, 7:10 pm

AWESOME, i was gonna do it... but then i decided i was too lazy

joe_canadian · Post by **joe_canadian** » 10/3/2002, 7:11 pm

*clumsyrific* wrote:Bethany: *starting to hyperventilate again* OLP...has...my bookbag..and Steve Mazur...is..naked AND remembered my name. My ultimate fantasy has....come true. *faints*

ROFL!!

This is the best thread ever :lol:

liam · Post by **liam** » 10/3/2002, 7:12 pm

it is!

nelison · Post by **nelison** » 10/3/2002, 7:33 pm

This just in from CNN...

We have heard news of reported Our Lady of Peace frontman Rone Mida has been kidnapped by a group called simply the CM... we at CNN have heard about this group in the past (you may recall the disappearences of such actors as Rosanne and all 5 members of the Bachstreet Boys) The best our professionals have been able to decipher is that the CM stands for Communico Mexiquo or for those of you who do not speak Mexican... The Mexican Communists...
stayed tune for more to come on the developments.

Back In Toronto
Kidnappers awaking to CNN news report...

kidnappers: :lol:

Hey Raine they think we're Mexican Commies!! Hey Raine, abla Espanol!?!?!

Raine: what? who? where am I? oh wait thats right i was kidnapped... ok then good night...

joe_canadian · Post by **joe_canadian** » 10/3/2002, 7:36 pm

Kidnappers: Raine! Wake the fuck up!
Raine: err.. wha? Is it noon already?