by Dick_Baxter » 1/11/2010, 7:03 am
hey everyone,
i'm very new here and just wanted to tell my story, i've been very depressed over this weekend starting Saturday night when my relationship of almost five years came to an abrupt end or hold. I'm so numb and it's sinking in that i will not be seeing her at all and it hurts like hell.
we were going to get engaged this summer after she finished school. we had just gotten back from vacation last saturday. i took her to arizona for a week and felt that something was off the entire time, it's like we never really talked and that we were not together at all. On new years eve we had a conversation at dinner about our impending engagement and i asked her if she was still up for the engagment and she said she was getting cold feet and was asking how do you really know if you're the one, etc. I was like you never really know anything in life but you have to give it a shot and take a chance somewhere.
fast forward to last sunday, we were back and had dinner at her parents house, after dinner her mother said "so what makes you guys want to be together?" (there was no malicious intent here, just friendly chatter) and my gf didn't have a response, i didn't either but i thought it was a loaded question and very on the spot, you don't have to have a laundry list of reaons why you are with someone or love someone, at least i don't think, it's a feeling for me.
i didn't see her all week and everything sounded fine from our conversations and texts, we usually only saw each other on weekends anyways, i work full time and am in school online and our weekends we spend together. well saturday she was supposed to stay over and i had called her saturday afternoon and was asking "are you going to stay over tonight" she responded with "we'll talk about that when i get there". This set off alarm bells with me and i immediately called my friend and told him i might need his support later and if he could make himself available. i then proceeded to talk with my brother about the situation before i met her. my brother gave me a great pep talk and asked me if i was truly happy in the relationship and that if she really complimented me. Now i have been a lifechanging person to her, i set her on the path to straight and narrow and she really has changed because of me for the better (not taking all the credit but i was a major influence in her life for the positive). My brother said that we don't really have any of the same interests and that i'm just comfortable with her, and the more i thought about this the more i realized that it was true. I have passions for movies and music and real interests, she doesn't seem to be into that at all, which is fine, but our interests don't intersect at all.
Two summers ago right before she graduated, she pulled something like this before, she didn't know what she wanted to do and needed to find herself and be on her own and it killed me and i was so depressed because i didn't see it coming at all. Well i sat around for 3 months and waited for her, and she did come back and it was amazing and it was the greatest time for me.
Fast forward to this saturday, i get to my place, she meets me there and i could tell right away that she had been crying. She came in and said that she had doubts about our relationship and that she needs to be independent and be on her own and that she doesn't want to be in a relationship right now and shes not ready for that commitment. she said she needs a year to herself and that i shouldn't wait for her, she was crying the entire time and said that she's not looking for anyone else that she has a lot of issues to work out for herself and that she needs to be able to do things for herself, she said that we'll meet up in a year for coffee and see what happens then. i told her that she can't keep doing this to me, and that i might not be available in the future.
i love this girl and i was going to propose this summer and want to spend the rest of my life with her. my brain tells me that this is the best thing that could possibly happen, before i bought a ring, before we were engaged or even married and then something like this happens, but my heart is shattered and i'm very numb. i put all our pictures in the back of my closet and anything that reminded me of her there. then after i got home last night from my parents on my door was a bag with the key to my parents house and a note from her mother saying how sorry she was and that i was part of their family and that she was grateful for me for protecting and caring and loving their daughter for all these years. i had expected something of this nature from her mother, but i broke down again when i read this, i put this back in my closet as well. i then went to my parents house and watched king of queens with my brother and father. after i talked with my brother for a good while at which he said that this was a great thing to happen now while i'm in my mid twenties, have a great job and am a great guy, this sums up what all of my friends are saying, and that i deserve so much better, someone who really appreciates me for me and wants to be with me and be affectionate and caring. Not that she wasn't but she was a very unaffectionate person and cold at times.
the hardest part for me is the nights, i'm going to miss her like hell at night, we always talked everynight and saw her on the weekends. i'm going to start living my life and finding out what i want, but i really thought that we were going to end up together and we still might, who knows what happens in a year but i'm not going to sit around and wait for her either. i think i'm a great guy,with a good job and i'm a very caring and loving person. i'm going to take this time to look around and possibly date a few other people and see what i really like and who knows if in a year goes by and she has worked out her issues and i still feel the same way, who knows. i did spend 4 and half years with her for a reason.
any of your thoughts are welcome and will go towards helping me sleep at night. i know i'm new here but everything i read on CM shows that you all are great and caring people as well and i'm hoping you will take me under your wings . . .