Open Letters to People and Things You're Mad At

myownsatellite · Post by **myownsatellite** » 8/25/2006, 7:14 pm

Dear life:
I hate you.
You suck.
Me

Kicker774 · Post by **Kicker774** » 8/25/2006, 8:38 pm

Dear Megan,

Quit being so emo and go listen to some Weird Al

-- Brian

laurel · Post by **laurel** » 8/25/2006, 9:09 pm

dear whiplash,

why would you ever ever come back? i hate you. die. but don't kill me when you die. cause that would really really suck. i don't feel like dying because my whiplash died. maybe you should just leave, so we can be on the safe side.

-laurel, the whiplash retriggerer pro

Post by **saman** » 9/11/2006, 9:06 pm

dear stomach,

make up your mind. either stop making me sick or kindly leave.

love, saman.

myownsatellite · Post by **myownsatellite** » 1/8/2007, 7:02 pm

This isn't an open letter, because it's more of a conversation, but:

Dear Maria and Sherrie:

YOU PISSED ME OFF TODAY AND YOU MADE ME WANT TO BANG MY HEAD AGAINST THE DESK OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER JUST TO STOP THE CRAZY!!!!!!

Me.

And the background, this was my day at work today:

Sherrie: Who's that in that picture?
Me: My brother.
Sherrie: He's pretty good-looking. But why do you have a picture of your brother on your desk? That's just weird.
Me: Because we're really close, and we're like best friends.
Sherrie: Hm. He's really good-looking. How far apart are you?
Me: About six years.
Sherrie: Is he married?
Me: O_o;; He's 17.
Sherrie: Oh, well he looks older than you. You have a baby face.
Me: Yeah well... and his girlfriend is really sweet, I adore her.
Sherrie: I bet he's a player, right?
Me: No, I taught him how to treat a woman, he treats his girlfriend like a queen.
Sherrie: *gives me a condescending look* He's in high school. He's a player. *walks away*

*flash to a few hours later*

Maria: Does this guy want a pre-payment?
Me: O_o;; (this came totally out of the blue) What guy?
Maria: Dr. Collier! Does he want a pre-payment for this addendum?!
Me: No, why would you think that?
Maria: Because your note says so!
Me: Not it doesn't...
Maria: *reads* "Spoke to Linda, addendum will cost $50 and Dr. will do it"
Me: Yeah, that's because the addendum will cost $50, and Dr. Collier said he'd do it.
Maria: Well it reads both ways.
Me: Whatever.
Maria: Megan, you have a big chip on your shoulder and you need to get over yourself.
Me: Excuse me?! You have been snippy with me ALL day. Every time I've asked you if you needed help you snapped at me and I don't appreciate your tone.
Maria: Well I don't appreciate your tone! You need to stop talking to me like that!
Me: Well then I guess we're clear!
Maria: Yeah we're clear!
Me: *turns back to my book because I'm on my fucking LUNCH BREAK*
Maria: WHO'S THE BITCH?!
Me: What the hell are you talking about?!
Maria: DID YOU JUST CALL ME A BITCH?!
Me: Absolutely not! I'm not going to sit here and call you names. (in my most condescending and above-you voice)
Maria: GOOD.

Post by **saman** » 1/8/2007, 7:26 pm

dear mun,

you have royally screwed me over. i hope you're happy, because i certainly am not.

saman

laurel · Post by **laurel** » 1/8/2007, 7:34 pm

dear mun,

i considered you as a university. i'm glad i didn't choose you now, cause you screwed saman over.

laurel

Random Name · Post by **Random Name** » 1/8/2007, 9:21 pm

saman wrote:dear mun,

you have royally screwed me over. i hope you're happy, because i certainly am not.

saman

WHAT HAPPENED?!

Post by **saman** » 1/8/2007, 10:16 pm

oh, erm, they told me a week before the start of classes that i can't do my masters' after all unless i had $6,000 in funding.

which made me pretty emotional until i found out that i could still do my m.sc. part-time. so, i guess i'm a little less mad at mun now...

Rusty · Post by **Rusty** » 1/9/2007, 3:40 am

Dear me,

It is currently 4:38am, and you have an 8:30 class that will last until 10:00. Then you have class that starts at 11:30 and goes until 2:30, then you have work from 5:00 to 9:30. Perhaps you don't realise this, but you're screwed.
Sincerley,
Myself.

Sonya · Post by **Sonya** » 1/9/2007, 5:58 am

dear dad,

why THE HELL did you send me here?

<3sonya

Random Name · Post by **Random Name** » 1/9/2007, 9:00 am

Wow. I fail at making letters.

Random Name · Post by **Random Name** » 2/6/2007, 6:52 am

Dear Teeth,
Please beat up my gums in your spare time. My gums are weak and terrible and I floss and it sucks. Start pulling your weight around here or you're out!
<3 Sarah.

Rusty · Post by **Rusty** » 2/6/2007, 10:01 am

Dear sandwhich place,
A clubhouse has more than two pieces of bread and I'm almost sure it doesn't involve bacon.
Sincerley,
An unsatisfied customer
P.s. Stop being so scary, you frighten children.

ihatethunderbay · Post by **ihatethunderbay** » 2/6/2007, 4:33 pm

Dear Seneca

You guys are a bunch of morons. I'm taking my money to Loyalist.

Fuck you and your stupid tests that screw out-of-towners over.

-Sarah

Kathy · Post by **Kathy** » 2/6/2007, 5:39 pm

Dear Juno people,

Does Bob Rock really deserve to be inducted into the Canadian Music Hall of Fame?!

http://www.junoawards.ca/PDF/20070206a.pdf

:mad:

Random Name · Post by **Random Name** » 2/6/2007, 7:37 pm

:O

Hi Kathy.

Gimme_Shelter · Post by **Gimme_Shelter** » 2/7/2007, 2:15 am

Kathy wrote:Dear Juno people,

Does Bob Rock really deserve to be inducted into the Canadian Music Hall of Fame?!

http://www.junoawards.ca/PDF/20070206a.pdf

yes

Lando · Post by **Lando** » 2/7/2007, 3:51 am

Yeah pretty much.

Sonya · Post by **Sonya** » 2/10/2007, 11:57 am

dear life,

why bring me people i love and then rip them away from me a week later? i hate that. stop it or i will throw a temper tantrum like a 3 year old girl.

thank you.

sonya

ps. actually, thanks for LOSING MY BAG but then finding it an hour later. with absolutely EVERYTHING still in it, ie. ipod, cell phone(s), digicam, passport, credit cards, etc. that was really nice of you. just give me back my 200 pesos and we'll call it even.