The official CM support group thread

Soozy · Post by **Soozy** » 8/16/2004, 1:53 pm

I need some advice please.

When I was at uni I had a best friend, but during our 3rd year some stuff happened that meant that she wasn't such a good friend, though in the 4th year and after we grew closer again. After uni we saw each other a bit but she lived in London and saw more of her London friends so we drifted apart a bit but still saw each other occasionally. Then she moved to Japan for 2 years with her bf but I'd see her when she came back - usually in a group or people. So ... last year she got married and I was slightly surprised to only get an invitation for the evening, but I thought maybe the church was small or whatever and accepted it. Until I got there and found that every single other one of my friends was invited to the whole day - except me - even people that she barely kept in touch with from uni were there! So you can imagine that that made me very sad. She barely even said hello to me either which didn't help. I decided that if she was going to make me that upset that I wasn't going to have anythign else to do with her ever again if I could help it so I began deleting her emails (only group ones anyway) and binning her Christmas cards and stuff like that. However ... I got an email today from her saying that she's back in the UK and pregnant and that we should meet up (this is us 2 and another 2 people). So do I go? This is further complicated by the fact that I can't see her for about another 6 weeks at least anyway cos of going into hospital and then being radioactive and not allowed near pregnant people. But I'd have to tell them all about having cancer then which I'm not sure if I want to do.
It's so hard. Part of me wants to go and pretend everything's ok. But she seems to have no idea how much she hurt me at her wedding and I really don't want to be hurt like that again. And they whole smug married and pregnant thing will make me sad anyway.

Sorry for the rambling. I hope you're still awake. Does anyone have any ideas what I should do?

Post by **xjsb125** » 8/16/2004, 2:08 pm

Friendship is a two person thing. It can't just be all you making the sacrifices to make another person happy. Did she hurt your feelings intentionally? It's easy to hurt people's feelings without realizing it. If she didn't do it on purpose, explain you're feelings and ask her side of the story. If you are sure she did it on purpose, then politely decline and say you have some personal things going on and you won't be able to see her. If she asks about your problems, tell her you'd rather not talk about it. It's really all up to you and what you think of her. If you want to attempt to salvage your friendship, tell her how you feel and get her side of things. It might hurt, there is no guarantee that it won't. Sometimes, though, it's better to know the truth than to wonder "what if" for the rest of your life. I'm hurried right now, so when I come back from work I'll get my thoughts a little more organized and try to re-write this.

nelison · Post by **nelison** » 8/16/2004, 2:43 pm

Just be honest with the person. Honesty is always the best way to solve problems.

Henrietta · Post by **Henrietta** » 8/16/2004, 3:51 pm

Exactly, send her a personal email and ask her why she continues to put up the facade of friendship when she clearly doesn't value yours that much.

Rusty · Post by **Rusty** » 8/16/2004, 6:48 pm

If you still want to be her friend then go and see her and talk to her. If you are unsure of everything though you can e-mail her back and ask her why she ignored you at the wedding and why you were only invited for the evening. That way, you can clear the air with her and when you see her you won't have to hide any feelings and you'll feel better talking to her and stuff. But if you don't want to be her friend anymore then e-mail her back and tell her so exactly so she doesn't wonder what happened and keep inviting you to things. If you don't want to do that, then give her a second chance, everyone deserves a second chance, let her explain herself to you.

Post by **xjsb125** » 8/16/2004, 7:27 pm

Honesty is the way to go. Like I said before, it might hurt, but it's better to know the truth than to be living with uncertainty and the dreaded "what if."

Rusty · Post by **Rusty** » 8/17/2004, 1:07 pm

Alright, so I'm going to my friends brothers viewing tonight and I'm a little nervous and such. Like I don't really know what to say to him. Like it's awful his brother was only my age 17. I'm not sure what to say or do really, like his family is devasted, and I'm not sure if our other friends are going to the viewing tonight I know were all going to the funeral but I'm not sure about what I should say really.

Joey · Post by **Joey** » 8/17/2004, 1:38 pm

When my friends came to the viewing (about 4 of them together) my mom made me take them downstairs to get me out of the room. As much as I appreciated them coming, I really didn't want them there. If you're nervous about going alone try bringing another friend .. it's going to be an awkward situation either way. Depending on how close you are to this friend, you can offer to sit with them for a bit .. my cousin did that for me and it made all the difference.

I can't speak for other people, but I HATED hearing the words "i'm sorry" .. maybe just offer to stay, ask him if he needs anything or wants to get out of the room to go for a walk etc. Basically leave it up to him... I'm sure just you going and showing up will help a bit.

Rusty · Post by **Rusty** » 8/17/2004, 1:47 pm

Well I've known him and his brother and his family since we were in grade one. So thats about 10 years I guess. Thanks Joey that makes sense.

Henrietta · Post by **Henrietta** » 8/17/2004, 4:46 pm

Well, think about if it was you. What would you want done? Just stick to that rule and you'll be ok.

closeyoureyes · Post by **closeyoureyes** » 10/1/2004, 9:35 pm

I have a problem... I dont exactly know how to put it.. Its like, for a long time i've just been repressing all of my sad feelings, and not feeling anything. A long time being like a year. And recently i broke it off with my boyfriend of 2 and a half years. I repressed that too. And now. I feel like i'm drowning. Everything has come back. I know you shouldnt repress things, but i think its a bit late to go back and fix everything. I dont know what to do anymore. Everything is just so much. I feel like, a loser. A super loser. :cry:

. Nothing seems to go right anymore.

Joey · Post by **Joey** » 10/1/2004, 10:03 pm

I tend to do the same thing. I keep things locked inside and hidden away until eventually everything starts to resurface again and then just gets to be too much and I don't know handle everything all at once. I'm not very good at dealing with things.

I think I'm just in denial about a lot of things. :uh:

It's a scary feeling.

closeyoureyes · Post by **closeyoureyes** » 10/1/2004, 10:06 pm

I feel the same way.

nelison · Post by **nelison** » 10/2/2004, 8:41 am

Sine wrote:I have a problem... I dont exactly know how to put it.. Its like, for a long time i've just been repressing all of my sad feelings, and not feeling anything. A long time being like a year. And recently i broke it off with my boyfriend of 2 and a half years. I repressed that too. And now. I feel like i'm drowning. Everything has come back. I know you shouldnt repress things, but i think its a bit late to go back and fix everything. I dont know what to do anymore. Everything is just so much. I feel like, a loser. A super loser. . Nothing seems to go right anymore.

It's never too late to go back and fix things. Even if it doesn't completely fix it it takes the weight off of your shoulders, and at least you can live with the fact you tried. Honesty solves a lot of things (from personal experience) and it will make you feel a lot btter.

Rusty · Post by **Rusty** » 10/2/2004, 2:52 pm

Sine wrote:I have a problem... I dont exactly know how to put it.. Its like, for a long time i've just been repressing all of my sad feelings, and not feeling anything. A long time being like a year. And recently i broke it off with my boyfriend of 2 and a half years. I repressed that too. And now. I feel like i'm drowning. Everything has come back. I know you shouldnt repress things, but i think its a bit late to go back and fix everything. I dont know what to do anymore. Everything is just so much. I feel like, a loser. A super loser. . Nothing seems to go right anymore.

I know where you're coming from. I tend to repress things too and it just builds up until it all crashes and maks you feel awful like you described. I have learned though that repressing things is not the way to deal with them you need to let them out and work them out. If you run from your problems they will follow you forever and get worse and worse, you need to turn and face them, deal with them the best you can. If it's possible talk to the people that you're repressing all the stuff for. Like nielson_12 said it is never too late to go back and fix things. At least vent out everything on your mind to someone or into a journal or something, it might make you feel better.

closeyoureyes · Post by **closeyoureyes** » 10/2/2004, 7:32 pm

Thanks Guys

thirdhour · Post by **thirdhour** » 12/6/2004, 11:13 pm

My thirteen year old next door neighbour hung herself after school today. The girl was only in grade 8, and left her identical twin, her best friend, behind. I just didn't know she had it in her.

I'm numb.

Lando · Post by **Lando** » 12/6/2004, 11:21 pm

Holy eff... This is really sad...

happening fish · Post by **happening fish** » 12/6/2004, 11:23 pm

...wow. That is truly horrific.

closeyoureyes · Post by **closeyoureyes** » 12/6/2004, 11:30 pm

Yannic, if you need to talk, i've been through suicide of others before. If anything, i can listen.