Jokes that shouldn't be funny but somehow are
- Sufjan Stevens
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One-Eye wrote:Two peanuts were walking down a dark road. One was a salted.

Spell live mouse trap in three letters.
C-A-T

-Sarah
Goodbye you liar,
Well you sipped from the cup but you don't own up to anything
Then you think you will inspire
Take apart your head
(and I wish I could inspire)
Take apart your demons, then you add it to the list.
Goodbye you liar,
Well you sipped from the cup but you don't own up to anything
Then you think you will inspire
Take apart your head
(and I wish I could inspire)
Take apart your demons, then you add it to the list.
Here's a long and pointless joke:
Okay, a Texan, a Canadian, and a Seattleite are sitting in a bar.
The Texan orders a bottle of tequila. The bartender brings it to him, and he pours some into a glass, which he promptly drinks. Then, he hurls the mostly-full bottle into the air, whips out a gun, and shoots the bottle, splattering the entire bar with glass shards and tequila.
"What the hell'd you do that for?!" said the bartender, horrified.
"I'm from Texas," the guy said, "I can cross the border into Mexico and get cheap tequila whenever I want!"
So the bartender turns to the Canadian, who orders a bottle of French wine. The bartender brings it to him, and he poors some into a wine glass and drinks it. Then, he throws the bottle into the air, whips out a gun, and shoots the bottle, splattering everyone with more glass and wine.
The bartender is now quite pissed. "What did you do <i>that</i> for?" he asked.
"I am from Quebec," the man said, "I can get cheap French wine whenever I want!"
So the bartender turns to the Seattleite, who orders a beer. When he gets it, he drinks the entire bottle, hurls the empty bottle into the air, whips out a gun, shoots the Texan and the Canadian, and catches the bottle intact. Now everyone's covered in glass, tequila, wine, and blood.
"What was <i>that</i> for?" cried the bartender.
"I'm from Seattle," the guy said. "We've got plenty of Texans and Canadians where I come from, but a glass bottle - now <i>that</i> can be recycled!"

Okay, a Texan, a Canadian, and a Seattleite are sitting in a bar.
The Texan orders a bottle of tequila. The bartender brings it to him, and he pours some into a glass, which he promptly drinks. Then, he hurls the mostly-full bottle into the air, whips out a gun, and shoots the bottle, splattering the entire bar with glass shards and tequila.
"What the hell'd you do that for?!" said the bartender, horrified.
"I'm from Texas," the guy said, "I can cross the border into Mexico and get cheap tequila whenever I want!"
So the bartender turns to the Canadian, who orders a bottle of French wine. The bartender brings it to him, and he poors some into a wine glass and drinks it. Then, he throws the bottle into the air, whips out a gun, and shoots the bottle, splattering everyone with more glass and wine.
The bartender is now quite pissed. "What did you do <i>that</i> for?" he asked.
"I am from Quebec," the man said, "I can get cheap French wine whenever I want!"
So the bartender turns to the Seattleite, who orders a beer. When he gets it, he drinks the entire bottle, hurls the empty bottle into the air, whips out a gun, shoots the Texan and the Canadian, and catches the bottle intact. Now everyone's covered in glass, tequila, wine, and blood.
"What was <i>that</i> for?" cried the bartender.
"I'm from Seattle," the guy said. "We've got plenty of Texans and Canadians where I come from, but a glass bottle - now <i>that</i> can be recycled!"




- dream in japanese
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- nikki4982
- Oskar Lifetime Achievement Award: 2007
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Why do I love this thread so much? Oh yeah, cos I've got a really dumb sense of humor.
Keep 'em comin', people!

<table><tr><td>~ Nikki Edwards
Queen of the Harpies <img src="../phpBB2/files/queen_of_harpies.gif" align="texttop"></td><td><font color="orange">President of the Pookie Brigade</font>
"If you put those on the internet, I'll kill you guys!" - Jer</td></tr></table>
<center><img src="../phpBB2/files/squiggle.gif">
<font color="#3C8C8B">Imagine there's no heaven, it's easy if you try, no hell below us,
above us only sky, imagine all the people, <font color="#FFFFFF">living</font> for today...</font>
<font color="#50B4B3">Imagine there's no countries, it isn't hard to do, nothing to kill or die
for, no religion too, imagine all the people, living <font color="#FFFFFF">life</font> in peace...</font>
<font color="#89CDCC">Imagine no possesions, I wonder if you can, no need for greed or <font color="#FFFFFF">hunger</font>,
a brotherhood of man, imagine all the people, sharing all the <font color="#FFFFFF">world</font>...</font>
<font color="#B1DFDE">You may say I'm a <font color="#FFFFFF">dreamer</font>, but I'm not the only one, I hope
some day you'll join us, and the world will <font color="#FFFFFF">live</font> as one.</font></center></font>
Queen of the Harpies <img src="../phpBB2/files/queen_of_harpies.gif" align="texttop"></td><td><font color="orange">President of the Pookie Brigade</font>
"If you put those on the internet, I'll kill you guys!" - Jer</td></tr></table>
<center><img src="../phpBB2/files/squiggle.gif">
<font color="#3C8C8B">Imagine there's no heaven, it's easy if you try, no hell below us,
above us only sky, imagine all the people, <font color="#FFFFFF">living</font> for today...</font>
<font color="#50B4B3">Imagine there's no countries, it isn't hard to do, nothing to kill or die
for, no religion too, imagine all the people, living <font color="#FFFFFF">life</font> in peace...</font>
<font color="#89CDCC">Imagine no possesions, I wonder if you can, no need for greed or <font color="#FFFFFF">hunger</font>,
a brotherhood of man, imagine all the people, sharing all the <font color="#FFFFFF">world</font>...</font>
<font color="#B1DFDE">You may say I'm a <font color="#FFFFFF">dreamer</font>, but I'm not the only one, I hope
some day you'll join us, and the world will <font color="#FFFFFF">live</font> as one.</font></center></font>
One-Eye wrote:Christ on a popsicle stick!




"if the nuremberg trials were applied to us foreign policy, every us president since 1945 would have been hanged." noam chomsky.
...and this is me hanging on / i'd burn our initials in the sun if it would shine / anxiety chokes me like razor wire / if hate's in your heart man, you'll take what you're given / wake up / i'm not the only one / it's never goodbye / go ahead and play dead / if everyone's a casualty, then take your time, there ain't no trouble / these wounds they will not heal / ambition can be a tricky thing / what the hell do i know about rape anyway? / this is not what i hoped for / ain't it so weird how it makes you a weapon / who will be there to tell me how stupid i am? / those living for death will die by their own hand / and it's me that I am spying on / pick up the pieces and live with the stars / hurry up and wait / things have never been so swell / they're always the ones who slowly drift / be great / ...and this is my world.
...and this is me hanging on / i'd burn our initials in the sun if it would shine / anxiety chokes me like razor wire / if hate's in your heart man, you'll take what you're given / wake up / i'm not the only one / it's never goodbye / go ahead and play dead / if everyone's a casualty, then take your time, there ain't no trouble / these wounds they will not heal / ambition can be a tricky thing / what the hell do i know about rape anyway? / this is not what i hoped for / ain't it so weird how it makes you a weapon / who will be there to tell me how stupid i am? / those living for death will die by their own hand / and it's me that I am spying on / pick up the pieces and live with the stars / hurry up and wait / things have never been so swell / they're always the ones who slowly drift / be great / ...and this is my world.
- nikki4982
- Oskar Lifetime Achievement Award: 2007
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I personally prefer "Christ on a cracker". 

<table><tr><td>~ Nikki Edwards
Queen of the Harpies <img src="../phpBB2/files/queen_of_harpies.gif" align="texttop"></td><td><font color="orange">President of the Pookie Brigade</font>
"If you put those on the internet, I'll kill you guys!" - Jer</td></tr></table>
<center><img src="../phpBB2/files/squiggle.gif">
<font color="#3C8C8B">Imagine there's no heaven, it's easy if you try, no hell below us,
above us only sky, imagine all the people, <font color="#FFFFFF">living</font> for today...</font>
<font color="#50B4B3">Imagine there's no countries, it isn't hard to do, nothing to kill or die
for, no religion too, imagine all the people, living <font color="#FFFFFF">life</font> in peace...</font>
<font color="#89CDCC">Imagine no possesions, I wonder if you can, no need for greed or <font color="#FFFFFF">hunger</font>,
a brotherhood of man, imagine all the people, sharing all the <font color="#FFFFFF">world</font>...</font>
<font color="#B1DFDE">You may say I'm a <font color="#FFFFFF">dreamer</font>, but I'm not the only one, I hope
some day you'll join us, and the world will <font color="#FFFFFF">live</font> as one.</font></center></font>
Queen of the Harpies <img src="../phpBB2/files/queen_of_harpies.gif" align="texttop"></td><td><font color="orange">President of the Pookie Brigade</font>
"If you put those on the internet, I'll kill you guys!" - Jer</td></tr></table>
<center><img src="../phpBB2/files/squiggle.gif">
<font color="#3C8C8B">Imagine there's no heaven, it's easy if you try, no hell below us,
above us only sky, imagine all the people, <font color="#FFFFFF">living</font> for today...</font>
<font color="#50B4B3">Imagine there's no countries, it isn't hard to do, nothing to kill or die
for, no religion too, imagine all the people, living <font color="#FFFFFF">life</font> in peace...</font>
<font color="#89CDCC">Imagine no possesions, I wonder if you can, no need for greed or <font color="#FFFFFF">hunger</font>,
a brotherhood of man, imagine all the people, sharing all the <font color="#FFFFFF">world</font>...</font>
<font color="#B1DFDE">You may say I'm a <font color="#FFFFFF">dreamer</font>, but I'm not the only one, I hope
some day you'll join us, and the world will <font color="#FFFFFF">live</font> as one.</font></center></font>
-
- Oskar Winner: 2009
- Posts: 15117
- Joined: 11/26/2002, 7:35 am
- Location: new jersey
- Contact:
- nikki4982
- Oskar Lifetime Achievement Award: 2007
- Posts: 30273
- Joined: 11/14/2002, 11:34 pm
- Location: Collingswood, New Jersey, USA
- Contact:








<table><tr><td>~ Nikki Edwards
Queen of the Harpies <img src="../phpBB2/files/queen_of_harpies.gif" align="texttop"></td><td><font color="orange">President of the Pookie Brigade</font>
"If you put those on the internet, I'll kill you guys!" - Jer</td></tr></table>
<center><img src="../phpBB2/files/squiggle.gif">
<font color="#3C8C8B">Imagine there's no heaven, it's easy if you try, no hell below us,
above us only sky, imagine all the people, <font color="#FFFFFF">living</font> for today...</font>
<font color="#50B4B3">Imagine there's no countries, it isn't hard to do, nothing to kill or die
for, no religion too, imagine all the people, living <font color="#FFFFFF">life</font> in peace...</font>
<font color="#89CDCC">Imagine no possesions, I wonder if you can, no need for greed or <font color="#FFFFFF">hunger</font>,
a brotherhood of man, imagine all the people, sharing all the <font color="#FFFFFF">world</font>...</font>
<font color="#B1DFDE">You may say I'm a <font color="#FFFFFF">dreamer</font>, but I'm not the only one, I hope
some day you'll join us, and the world will <font color="#FFFFFF">live</font> as one.</font></center></font>
Queen of the Harpies <img src="../phpBB2/files/queen_of_harpies.gif" align="texttop"></td><td><font color="orange">President of the Pookie Brigade</font>
"If you put those on the internet, I'll kill you guys!" - Jer</td></tr></table>
<center><img src="../phpBB2/files/squiggle.gif">
<font color="#3C8C8B">Imagine there's no heaven, it's easy if you try, no hell below us,
above us only sky, imagine all the people, <font color="#FFFFFF">living</font> for today...</font>
<font color="#50B4B3">Imagine there's no countries, it isn't hard to do, nothing to kill or die
for, no religion too, imagine all the people, living <font color="#FFFFFF">life</font> in peace...</font>
<font color="#89CDCC">Imagine no possesions, I wonder if you can, no need for greed or <font color="#FFFFFF">hunger</font>,
a brotherhood of man, imagine all the people, sharing all the <font color="#FFFFFF">world</font>...</font>
<font color="#B1DFDE">You may say I'm a <font color="#FFFFFF">dreamer</font>, but I'm not the only one, I hope
some day you'll join us, and the world will <font color="#FFFFFF">live</font> as one.</font></center></font>
-
- Oskar Winner: 2009
- Posts: 15117
- Joined: 11/26/2002, 7:35 am
- Location: new jersey
- Contact:
- nikki4982
- Oskar Lifetime Achievement Award: 2007
- Posts: 30273
- Joined: 11/14/2002, 11:34 pm
- Location: Collingswood, New Jersey, USA
- Contact:


<table><tr><td>~ Nikki Edwards
Queen of the Harpies <img src="../phpBB2/files/queen_of_harpies.gif" align="texttop"></td><td><font color="orange">President of the Pookie Brigade</font>
"If you put those on the internet, I'll kill you guys!" - Jer</td></tr></table>
<center><img src="../phpBB2/files/squiggle.gif">
<font color="#3C8C8B">Imagine there's no heaven, it's easy if you try, no hell below us,
above us only sky, imagine all the people, <font color="#FFFFFF">living</font> for today...</font>
<font color="#50B4B3">Imagine there's no countries, it isn't hard to do, nothing to kill or die
for, no religion too, imagine all the people, living <font color="#FFFFFF">life</font> in peace...</font>
<font color="#89CDCC">Imagine no possesions, I wonder if you can, no need for greed or <font color="#FFFFFF">hunger</font>,
a brotherhood of man, imagine all the people, sharing all the <font color="#FFFFFF">world</font>...</font>
<font color="#B1DFDE">You may say I'm a <font color="#FFFFFF">dreamer</font>, but I'm not the only one, I hope
some day you'll join us, and the world will <font color="#FFFFFF">live</font> as one.</font></center></font>
Queen of the Harpies <img src="../phpBB2/files/queen_of_harpies.gif" align="texttop"></td><td><font color="orange">President of the Pookie Brigade</font>
"If you put those on the internet, I'll kill you guys!" - Jer</td></tr></table>
<center><img src="../phpBB2/files/squiggle.gif">
<font color="#3C8C8B">Imagine there's no heaven, it's easy if you try, no hell below us,
above us only sky, imagine all the people, <font color="#FFFFFF">living</font> for today...</font>
<font color="#50B4B3">Imagine there's no countries, it isn't hard to do, nothing to kill or die
for, no religion too, imagine all the people, living <font color="#FFFFFF">life</font> in peace...</font>
<font color="#89CDCC">Imagine no possesions, I wonder if you can, no need for greed or <font color="#FFFFFF">hunger</font>,
a brotherhood of man, imagine all the people, sharing all the <font color="#FFFFFF">world</font>...</font>
<font color="#B1DFDE">You may say I'm a <font color="#FFFFFF">dreamer</font>, but I'm not the only one, I hope
some day you'll join us, and the world will <font color="#FFFFFF">live</font> as one.</font></center></font>