An exercise in self-control

[Candy-coated Fake]

Dammit, why don't you people live in Thunder Bay!!

You're all way cooler than the people here. Plus you guys like OLP. My friends don't

That's it! We're having a CM party in Thunder Bay and ihatethunderbay (sorry, I forget your name ) is going to be the hostess. Everyone's invited!

[Mechanical Thought]

More ...

I am currently employed as a Junior Lifeguard and Swimming Instructor.
I'm scared to death of my job, in a way, because I don't know how I will react if I have so same someone.
I have never broken a bone myself, but I'm sure it hurts.
I have twisted my ankle.
But I don't really remember it.
I despise drugs and all they represent.
I hate my friends when they do them.
I hate them because I have lost respect for them.
I would never date a guy that smoke cigarettes regularly.
The guy I like currently thing I'm as ugly as fuck.
It is suspected his interests lie in one of my best friends.
My friends mean the wolrd to me.
I want the best for them, and that sometimes takes over how I feel.
I love to read books of all kinds.
I want to expand my mind.
I am afraid I will never make anything of myself.
I fear dying alone.
I love to sleep, it pushes away all my problems.
I think I am developing some sort of insomnia though.
I sit awake thinking and thinking ... about anything and everything.
I usually wake up midday.
My parents don't like that at all.
"In the middle of sleep and awake there is a taco stand called nothing. Can I take your order?" is a quote from Matt Good's book that I like alot.
Sometimes I think I'm wasting my life on nothing.
I get weird feelings and thought often.
I like to write, but generally, no one sees it.
I can't seem to walk away from life sometimes.
Yoga is something I should probably try.
I am going into grade 11.
My school won't let us wear running shoes anymore.
Fuck them, I'll wear my DC's if I want to.
I'm only 5'3, I'm short and compact.
I yearn to be accepted by only those I respect.
I can be mean and cynical even about people I love.
I hate freezies.
Wendy's is my fast food choice, over all.
Sometimes I wonder if I'll make it past 25. Will life get to me?

[nelison]

more...

my fave food is penne with pomodori sauce.
Fave book is Animal Farm by Orwell, while my fave movie is American Beauty.
I work as a host at KFC.
I'm in good shape, but not as good as I used to.
I ate the same lunch at school everyday for 6 years, and never even thought about changing it.
I have a brother who is 16, we don't get along at all, and I can't recall the last time something nice was said between the two of us.
I love golf.
I've never been outside of Ontario in Canada, but have been all over the US.
My dream is to one day live in Marseille France.
My full name is James Christopher J-Neli.
I should have III after my name but I have a different last name than my father and grandfather.

[Sufjan Stevens]

I am Alan.
I hate when people call me Al or Big Al. It bothers me.
I am 19 years old and go to Oakland University.
I am transferring this winter to go to Michigan State.
I plan to have a social life at MSU.
I am the youngest of two sons.
My parents pretty much neglected me my entire life.
My parents smoke weed.
I hate people that smoke weed.
My brother is a genius. I am compared to him all the time.
I hate being compared to people.
I am a born-again virgin. Sexless for a year.
I am madly in love with my ex-girlfriend, and she doesn't care.
I play the guitar and the bass.
I play the bass everyday, and I am damn good at it.
Music is my life.
I write at least one song a night, and write music around it the next morning.
I have no diagnosed problems, but I am far from being socially acceptable and normal.
I march to the beat of a different drummer.
I wear nothing that matches. I like to stand out in a crowd.
I don't have many friends, so I am not in many crowds.
I play tennis.
I should be playing for a small school in Indiana, but I am not.
I've blown my elbow out, torn my tricep, and sprained my knees many times from tennis.
I used to drink, but have been sober for more than a year.
I've had major depression bouts, but I've learned to control them.
Most people would consider me "emo" because of the music I listen to. I am not.
I am smarter than most people would believe.
I have problems walking in a straight line and not falling over.
I am extremely sarcastic.
I am very pessimistic.
I am not a pleasant ray of sunshine.
If you fuck with me, I make you pay. I don't let people walk all over me anymore.
Favorite book is Perks Of Being A Wallflower
Favorite movie is Rushmore
Favorite band is Alkaline Trio
I hate being alone.
I have no one to talk to
I am very paranoid about everything
I am very obsessive about making sure I have my things

I dunno what else to say. There, I opened up, no one cares. Good.

[clumsychild_]

I thought of some more

I love rain, thunderstorms and rollercoasters.
I like different kinds of food, pasta especially and I have a new obsession with Thai and Indian food.
My favourite book at the moment is About a Boy.
My favourite movies are Ferris Bueller's Day Off, About a Boy and Orange County.
I like reading murder mysteries.
I have no idea what I want to "do when I grow up", which sounds crazy to most people.
The only job I can think of right now is a Casting Director for movies, tv etc.
However, I don't expect to ever live that out, I think it's more of a dream job.
I haven't gotten any part of my license yet.
I have the book to read for my G1 (beginner's license), but i've only read the first sentence.
I'm procrastinating with that.
I don't trust myself to drive.
My favourite subject in school is Drama, however I'm only good if i have good actors around me.
I also like French.
My favourite shows are Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Friends.
My room is currently purplish-blue and orange.
I want to paint it red, black and white.
I have lots of posters in my room.
I want more posters.
I especially want an OLP poster or posters.
I've started putting posters on my ceiling.
I have no life.
I've travelled to 7 different countries (i think).
I'm tall (almost 5'10), average weight and have uncontrollably frizzy hair.
I've gotten my hair straightened before, but it never lasts for very long.
I don't straighten it anymore.
I suppose I don't mind it that much anymore.
I like opinionated people, even though I am not particularly so.
I have some trouble speaking sometimes.
I mumble a lot or else I talk too fast.
I am very indecisive.
I get bored a lot.
I'm going camping with my best friend tomorrow til Friday.
I should be in bed since I have to get up early.

[Clumsy7Thief]

Wow...I'm finding it very interesting reading all of these over...

Now my turn...

My name is Emily (or Em or short)
I hate the nickname Emmy. My grade 5 teacher used to call me that and I hated it.
In grade 7 I was called Emilio Nighthiker and there's a long story behind that.
I'm 14 right now but will be 15 on September 7th.
I can't wait for my birthday.
I like in Ontario Canada with my mom, my cat and my two guinea pigs.
I hate my dad and I haven't seen him in years. Nor do I want to see him.
He and my mom were never married and separated when I was 9.
There separation was not pleasant and only my close friends know the details behind it.
My dad is a drunk and a very dangerous man.
It scares me to think of what he is capable of.
I was never popular at school.
Grades 4-7 were hell. Grade 8 was bad too but I was more accpeted than the other years, which was a very nice change.
I once had an untrue rumor spread about me that could have ruined my future, but thankfully it didnt.
My small group of friends stood by me tho. And I stood by them.
High school was a lot better for me and I made a few new good friends.
I'm very shy and when you first meet me I'm very standoffish.
Im only outgoing on line and with really good friends.
I'm straight, but I have questioned my sexuality before.
I have no problem with gay people and think they deserve the same rights as straight people.
I'm currently falling for one of my good guy friends.
I've never really been totally depressed, but I have had lots of dark days in my past. I havent had so many now.
Music is my life.
OLP are one of my main things that always seem to help me. Something about them and their music helps. I only wish I had found them sooner.
I've only gotten into OLP this year.
But I am already obsessed with them.
I need to see them live. And to meet them.
I also love to write.
I've written a novel and I want to get it published.
But I dont know if it will happen cuz I'm young and there's so much work into getting it published.
I havent been writing a lot recently and I want to again. I have too many ideas in my head.
I think. A lot.
I sometimes can't sleep at night cuz I think so much.
I dont drink or do drugs or smoke. I dont want to.
I have faith in something, and I believe there is a god but I dont go to church. My mom does but i dont go with her.
I have a headache right now and think i should go to bed.
And dam this was long.

[call me andrew]

my name is andrew ismael kabli and i'll be 17 on the 18th of august
those last two are arabic.
thats because my father is moroccan
my mother is from maine and 1/4th canadian
that makes me 1/2 moroccan 3/8ths american and 1/8 canadian
i go to morocco every summer to see my family. this summer was my 9th trip.
i can speak english french and arabic.
i just got glasses yesterday and now i can see really clearly. i never knew vision like this was possible.
i have the most beautiful girlfriend in the world.
we've been going out for almost 11 months
i've cheated on her 2 times.
she knows.
i'm sorry about all of them.
i've smoked pot before. actualy 4 times. it makes me do really stupid shit. but i do it anyways.
a lot of my friends think i'm an alcoholic, but i'm not.
i like to drive really fast. and i do.
i drive standard transmissions only. unless i really have to drive an automatic.
i love music.
occasionaly when my girlfriend calls, i'll tell her i'm busy so i can keep listening. but i feel bad after that.
lots of things i do make me feel bad.
i just got done messing around with her.
her name is kristen by the way.
we stopped because she wanted to stop. i think its because earlier she had some chocolate cake.
she's alergic to chocolate, so he started breaking out.
it was my fault she ate it.
i feel bad about that too.
i dont believe in god. my grandmother doesnt like that.
i dont give a fuck
i dont understand why people are so dumb. when we die, we're just going to rot. thats it. sorry. no heaven no eternal life no white lights no hell if you have butt sex. no fire.
i'm fine with people who have butt sex. but i've never done it.
i meant that for gay and strait couples.
i'm turned on by lesbians.

[Johnny]

I am Johnathan
but my frineds call me John
I prefer to be called Johnathan
or Bear as it is my nickname
I am 21 years old
I live in a small town called Mundare
I grew up here
There is nothing to do here
but it will always be home
I have no brother
I have no sister
there is a void between my father and I
which is beyond repair
I am a single native male
I am 6'5 1/2
I do not like my relatives
So I stay away from them
I am unemployed
I used to have a job
A good job that I liked
but I got fired
I'am looking for work
but to no avail
I barely have any friends
So I am somewhat of a loner
I think I am an individual
I am insecure about myself
I have no self esteem
I play guitar
I own five guitars and one bass
I am very good at them
Its one of the few things that I do well
I write songs and music
I am too shy to share ithem with people
but I hope that one day I may become a musician
But I doubt that will happen though
I failed out of high school
I didnt drop out
I tried my best but zi didnt make it
Its been three years since I left high school
and I am going to be getting my GED soon
I hope that I can go to University next year
I am a shy and quiet person
I do not smoke
Its disgusts mes
I do not do drugs
I drink but not that often
I like to drive and I drive well
I have never been stopped by the cops
I'm a fussy eater
I do not like vegatable
I hate traveling
I do not go to church
but I belive in God
I hate being alone
Its the worst feeling in the world
I do not have anybody to talk with
I'm all alone



Thats all me

[Henrietta]

Jonathan, you have me to talk to!

Alan, I happen to care. And I think I am more like you than I care to admit

[WhiteLightning]

My names Tyler, and Im 15, no one has a nick name for me.
I was born in Winnipeg, MB and mover to Auroa, ON at 6.
I remember being teased their, i dont know why, but it was enough
that i wished i was back in Wpg. My dad got transfered again at 10
and we went back to Wpg, got my wish i guesse. Nothing was the same,
people change, i had none of my old friends, so i started new. Took me a while but people got to know me, and i got to know them. I came to know
almsot everyone, cause my school only had one class in the higher grades.
So life was fine. I recently came into high school, cept my dad wanted me in
this all guys school... I didn't fight it much. This was a big deal for me cause i prefer girls as friends, and im kinda shy so makin friends out side of school is hard for me. I've made a few friends at my school, got involved. School ain't that bad nemore, cept i still wish girls were their, but im at the point now i dont know if i could talk to girls like i usta. My social life isnt what i want it to be, i spend too much time inside on comp, ect. Im in a bowling league, witch ive made some girl friends their, but not good enough friends to hang out outside of bowling. I also play badminton, these are things to keep me doin stuff. I've recently gotten drunk for the first time, it was fun, i dont think ill become an alchohalic though. Havn't done drugs yet, dont really wanna. My few and only friends im unsure of, some i know i cant count on, others... well bluntly they make fun of me, they call me gay, loser, ect. except all the time, so i wonder about them. I live with my mom and dad, only child, however i have 3 half-brothers (who are the greatest, but live in Calgary where i dont see them as much as id like to). My family is pretty solid, however me and my dad dont get along very well, I'd like that to be different but it's hard, and neither of us seems to have enough patience. I've lost touch with music through the years, im trying to listen more now, i forgot how much it helps... Well i think thats pretty much it for now...
Tyler

[areusad831]

my name is rob
I am 19 going to be 20 at the end of the month
turning 20 scares me b/c it is 1/4 of my life being over
I dont feel like i have accomplished anything in that time
unlike most my parents are still together and have raised me
just fine i guess but not really to the point of loving me
they always think i could do more and want me to make a lot of $$$
I really dont know what i want to do with my life
I am too lazy to actually achieve my goals and afraid of letting everyone down at the same time
I am going to a new college come september upstate
I am afraid to be alone and im afraid my problems will get worse
I have had struggles with anxiety attacks and depression but i dont think
my problems are as bad as others so i play them down
I have drank, many times to the point of being way too drunk
I actually enjoy it on occassion
I have smoked weed it was dumb
I have been caught drunk and was kind of the rebel in middle school but never had any friends
I have dated since 7th grade and had sex and everything in between though i kind of regret it
I have really loved one person in my life and she broke my heart into a million pieces and has left me a fragile wreck when it comes to love and relationships and trust
I dont trust people anymore since then and am not sure i ever will again
I have never had a "group" of friends and the few i have had just felt bad for me and called me on occassion
I have mostly sat at home all summer on this computer
this computer is basically responsible for my current life
People i consider my best friends i have met on here: Joey, Jacqui, Kimmy, Nikki, and Melissa and it is good to know that first impressions arent everything and many people on here i respect even though i dont talk to them.
I also met my best friend and current girlfriend on the CM and im not afraid to tell people that
I am happy Bethany can accept me for who I am and isnt afraid to talk to me about anything and is always there for me but im afraid I will loose her just like I loose most people
I like listening to people and trying to make them feel the least bit better even when im not happy myself
I am not sure ill ever be happy with who i am but i have come to accept that
I dont think my family will accept me for who I am
I am very emotional and sometimes can act like a girl
I am addicted to music and am very defensive over my music
I am a big fan of emo music and I dont think it is right for people to pick on it b/c they cant identify with it
I have seen 9 OLP shows and met many cool people at the shows
I wish I could play music but I am quite content enjoying music other people make
I went to catholic school for 4 years and it has made me less certain of my faith then before I went
I look at the world and find it hard a god could exist
Sometimes I wish I would just dissapear and I dont think anyone would notice
I feel alone way too much and am getting used to it which cant be good
I am scared for my future

[Henrietta]

Ok it's late and I think I'll give this a shot but I'm not sure if it will still be here in the morning!

My name is Cass, short for CASSIE, not Cassandra or Cassidy
I am 19 years old and for the first time I feel like a really old person
I have been going to college for a year
I am on scholarship and they pay my tuition, but I live at home
I feel like a loser for living at home, but I only have 600 dollars to my name
I don't get a job cause I want to get good grades, REALLy good grades
like 3.91 GPA grades, which I can't do w/ a job
And I don't get a job in the summer cause I'm too picky
I have absolutely no idea what I want to do with my life, which is really scary
My dream job is to own my own record label, but that's like wanting to be a rockstar
I want a cell phone and I'm going to waste financial aid on it in a week
I'm kinda greedy and freak out if anyone touches my stuff, especially electronics
I have never been in love, and never been in a serious relationship either
I have been kissed though...
Music is my life
Although I can't sing or play anything, pathetically enough
I come off VERY standoffish and mean on first impression, but I'm really sensitive and emotional
If you are my friend, I am loyal to the death
I have a close circle of friends, and I'd probably be dead if it weren't for them
I didn't have one friend in the world till them
I have lived in Utah most of my life, but have lived in Michigan and Ohio too
My family owns a ranch w/ lotsa land
I spend too damn much time on the computer
I like the people on this board so much and have made alot of good friends (you know who you are)
I also like OLP, and I am also obsessed w/ a couple other bands, The X-Files, and Johnny Depp
I am extremely sarcastic and cynical
I have extreme self confidence problems, although I'm mega good at hiding it and pretending I'm outgoing
I have body issues and have border line eating disorders, although no one knows about it
I don't let people walk all over me and can get confrontational
I have never been diagnosed w/ depression, but it's looming and my mom has it (thought won't do anything about it), and I'm the same and can't tell loved ones
My parents are still together and I'm pretty sure still love eachother
My mom is my best friend in the whole world
My mom and my dad's side both have serious, freaky diseases and I'm afraid to have children in the future
I don't consider myself very eligious, but that is religious for Utah, so I probably am to most people, although I don't really go to church
I'm guarded, but you can possibly get to know me

And that was fucking long and now everyone can read me like an open book...eek

[just a phase]

my name is julie
i'm 17 years old
i don't post here often, but i'd like to more since i come here daily
i have read your guys's posts for over a year and i'd like to know some of you better, but i'm painfully shy (hopefully that doesn't make me sound like a creeper)
i live in port coquitlam, BC
i sometimes hate the suburbs but i travel to vancouver alot
i have no idea what i want to do with my life, and that scares me
i really want to go to waterloo, but i'm not sure if i have the money or guts to do it
i get really good grades in school...it kinda comes naturally to me
i've been drunk a couple times...people buy me alcohol because apparently i'm a funny drunk
i think i only did it because i'm tired of being the good girl
i've never had a boyfriend, i think it's because i'm not attractive
i don't believe in god
i'm introverted, so unless you talk to me first i probably won't talk to you
i love the band incubus, the CD make yourself changed my life
i've seen them twice, once i came home early from my vacation to see them, and once i begged my mom to take me to seattle
i work at mcdonalds, which i actually don't mind, except that i always smell like french fries
i have trouble telling people how i feel, so i mask what i'm really feeling with humour
i have really supportive friends, but i feel like none of them really know me
i have one older sister
my dad had surgery on his hip this year and almost died, and i didn't find out until a month later, so i felt really hurt but i couldn't tell anyone
my parents have always let me do what i want (within reason) because my moms dad was an abusive drunk, and they always wanted me to live a better life than they did

[Henrietta]

i love the band incubus, the CD make yourself changed my life
i've seen them twice, once i came home early from my vacation to see them, and once i begged my mom to take me to seattle

Me too...me too. They are amazing. I am seeing them again in 11 days.

[superboots]

oh and i wanted to add some more about me
(cause i'm bored and i forgot to say more stuff)

I have a bird, Deitrich
who I love more than anything in the world
I am terrified of her dying
I also had a blankie that I had since I had my first big girl bed
and it was stolen in toronto before I started college
I went into post-traumatic shock when it happened
it took me a while to get over it, but I am ok with it now

I read my first sentence at 18 months,
it was a sentence on a billboard
I could read college textbooks at the age of five
but I was really hyper and never actually wanted to read
I was fascinated with commercials
I was double promoted when I was a child
and will graduate from college at age 21 and 2 months

I am a psychology major
and plan to go into clinical psychology
Psychology is my real passion in life
I obsess over my grades
to the point that I have had prolonged anxiety attacks about it
I am an extreme perfectionism
and all of my problems in life can be linked to that

I have a lot of fears in life
and I try hard to overcome them

I never really had a lot of friends
I am very shy
I need to feel comfortable
to be myself
From the ages of 11-14
I really had no friends and played by myself
I think it really affected my personality
I have always been the outsider in a group of friends
the one that you remember to call after calling everybody else
This used to upset me greatly,
but I am getting used to not having any friends
I am becoming distrustful of friendships


I am closer to my friends online
then I am to the people who live closer to me

I love helping people
Knowing that I made a difference to somebody makes me feel wonderful

I am extremely sensitive
and I don't mean to be
I can't stand it when somebody yells at me
or is upset with me

ok that's enough



wow, has anybody realized how depressing all of our little information tidbits are?

[Henrietta]

*raises hand*

[superboots]

I"m really not that messed up and weird

I actually had a quite happy childhood
and I've always been a really good kid for my mom to raise

What I Like about this thread the most
is that it shows that nobody is perfect
everybody has something in their past that is a little different
or not happy
not everyone lives the perfect, ideal life
we all have our own issues

[tasha]

^^haha, me too. i'm going to do mine now.


my name is tasha
i live in toronto
i'm 15 years old, turning 16 on november 6th
going into grade 11 this year
the thought of leaving high school scares me
i don't want to leave, but in a way i do
i watch too much tv for my own good
as well as going on the internet too much
as for smoking/drinking/drugs:
i will never, ever, ever smoke cigarettes. they ruin your lungs, and for what?!
i do, though, smoke pot.
i don't enjoy it if i am with a large group of people, i prefer either being alone or with a few close friends
otherwise i can't be myself
i also enjoy drinking
it's fun
i was never raised with any religion, i wasn't baptised
i don't believe in anything right now
not god, not people, nothing
in elementary school i was made fun of a lot
it still bothers me today, but i've gotten over it
ive realised that people aren't honest, and are selfish, and i simply don't care anymore
i try not to let everything bother me, but once in a while it catches up to me
in grade 8 i was depressed, but i've gotten past that
i love music
i wouldn't be who i am today without it
i loved the spice girls , i even saw them in concert
i've only had one boyfriend, and he treated me like crap for 2 months until i broke up with him
ive been really hurt by him & other guys
i'm straight
i don't trust people easily at all, and i don't usually tell people anything past the superficial stuff
my parents divorced when i was 3
i remember to this day, the day when they were arguing in our old kitchen and yelling about a divorce
my mom has since not had a boyfriend, except i know otherwise. a guy cheated on his wife with her, which made me lose a LOT of respect for her
my dad has since remarried, to the biggest whiny bitch in the world
this has resulted in me having a half brother who is currently 4
he can be a whiny brat, too. but i love him
like someone else said, i can't stand being around kids for more than 3 or 4 hours because they start to annoy me
last year i joined the girl's rugby team at mys chool
since then, i have been obsessed with the sport
i watch it every sunday OH NO EXCEPT FOR TODAY! crap i forgot it was sunday. haha
ive been told i have pretty hair, and that's about as far as compliments go in my direction

that's it for now i think

[starseed_10]

AHH!! you have the same birthday as me!

[tasha]

really?! thats awesome! lol