Has anyone heard of this british stand up comedian, EDDIE IZZARD?
He's one of the best out there, I think.
www.eddieizzard.com
Anyone?
Cheers.
EDDiE iZZARD
(talking about Hitler)
...And he was a vegetarian, and a painter, so he must have been going, "I can't get the fucking trees… Damn! I will kill everyone in the world!"
And he was a mass-murdering fuckhead, as many important historians have said. But there were other mass murderers that got away with it! Stalin killed many millions, died in his bed, well done there; Pol Pot killed 1.7 million Cambodians, died under house arrest at age 72, well done indeed! And the reason we let them get away with it is because they killed their own people, and we're sort of fine with that. “Ah, help yourself,” you know? “We've been trying to kill you for ages!” So kill your own people, right on there. Seems to be… Hitler killed people next door... “Oh… stupid man!” After a couple of years, we won't stand for that, will we?
Pol Pot killed 1.7 million people. We can't even deal with that! You know, we think if somebody kills someone, that's murder, you go to prison. You kill 10 people, you go to Texas, they hit you with a brick, that's what they do. 20 people, you go to a hospital, they look through a small window at you forever. And over that, we can't deal with it, you know? Someone's killed 100,000 people. We're almost going, "Well done! You killed 100,000 people? You must get up very early in the morning. I can't even get down the gym! Your diary must look odd: “Get up in the morning, death, death, death, death, death, death, death – lunch- death, death, death - afternoon tea - death, death, death - quick shower…"
So I suppose we're glad that Pol Pot's under house arrest… you know, 1.7 million people. At least he - we know where he is - under house arrest! Just don't go in that fucking house, you know? I know a lot of people who'd love to be under house arrest! They bring you your food… "Just stay here? Oh, all right. (singing laconically ) Have you got any videos?" You know, you just sit there all day... And Pol Pot was a history teacher. And Hitler was a vegetarian painter. So... mass-murderers come from the areas you least expect it. I don't know how the flip comes over, but it happens.
So, yeah. There was a lot of that, and we built up empires - we stole countries! That's what you do, that's how you build an empire. We stole countries with the cunning use of flags! Yeah, just sail around the world and stick a flag in.
"I claim India for Britain!"
They go, "You can't claim us, we live here! 500 million of us!"
"Do you have a flag?"
"We don't need a bloody flag! It's our country, you bastards!"
"No flag, no country, you can't have one! That's the rules that I've just made up,
...And he was a vegetarian, and a painter, so he must have been going, "I can't get the fucking trees… Damn! I will kill everyone in the world!"
And he was a mass-murdering fuckhead, as many important historians have said. But there were other mass murderers that got away with it! Stalin killed many millions, died in his bed, well done there; Pol Pot killed 1.7 million Cambodians, died under house arrest at age 72, well done indeed! And the reason we let them get away with it is because they killed their own people, and we're sort of fine with that. “Ah, help yourself,” you know? “We've been trying to kill you for ages!” So kill your own people, right on there. Seems to be… Hitler killed people next door... “Oh… stupid man!” After a couple of years, we won't stand for that, will we?
Pol Pot killed 1.7 million people. We can't even deal with that! You know, we think if somebody kills someone, that's murder, you go to prison. You kill 10 people, you go to Texas, they hit you with a brick, that's what they do. 20 people, you go to a hospital, they look through a small window at you forever. And over that, we can't deal with it, you know? Someone's killed 100,000 people. We're almost going, "Well done! You killed 100,000 people? You must get up very early in the morning. I can't even get down the gym! Your diary must look odd: “Get up in the morning, death, death, death, death, death, death, death – lunch- death, death, death - afternoon tea - death, death, death - quick shower…"
So I suppose we're glad that Pol Pot's under house arrest… you know, 1.7 million people. At least he - we know where he is - under house arrest! Just don't go in that fucking house, you know? I know a lot of people who'd love to be under house arrest! They bring you your food… "Just stay here? Oh, all right. (singing laconically ) Have you got any videos?" You know, you just sit there all day... And Pol Pot was a history teacher. And Hitler was a vegetarian painter. So... mass-murderers come from the areas you least expect it. I don't know how the flip comes over, but it happens.
So, yeah. There was a lot of that, and we built up empires - we stole countries! That's what you do, that's how you build an empire. We stole countries with the cunning use of flags! Yeah, just sail around the world and stick a flag in.
"I claim India for Britain!"
They go, "You can't claim us, we live here! 500 million of us!"
"Do you have a flag?"
"We don't need a bloody flag! It's our country, you bastards!"
"No flag, no country, you can't have one! That's the rules that I've just made up,
hilarious!
<------- total Eddie Izzard fan. When I first heard of him, it was actually when I was asleep, and I could hear my parents laughin like hell watching TV and they woke me up. ('Dress To Kill' was on HBO or something, and it was always aired at night... 'cuz he's a "professional transvestite"?) I later literally peed my pajamas laughing... I loved the Puberty act. Beautiful!
hehehe:
...Puberty's over months and years. It should be one day, get the fucker over with! Go into school, ( squeakily ) “Sorry I'm late, I don't know why I was late." By the time you get home, ( gruffly ) "Right, I'm going home to get a job with a drill." And that one day at school will be, ( swinging from high to low ) "Sorry, I don't know the answer to that question, I don't... 'Scuse me, can I be excused? I seem to have the plague..."
...Puberty's over months and years. It should be one day, get the fucker over with! Go into school, ( squeakily ) “Sorry I'm late, I don't know why I was late." By the time you get home, ( gruffly ) "Right, I'm going home to get a job with a drill." And that one day at school will be, ( swinging from high to low ) "Sorry, I don't know the answer to that question, I don't... 'Scuse me, can I be excused? I seem to have the plague..."
Fabio_kun wrote:stlloki wrote:HAHA ^ In heels as well!!
Cause he's a professional transvestite
Cheers.
he's not only a proffessional transvestite, he's the executive transvestite.
"if the nuremberg trials were applied to us foreign policy, every us president since 1945 would have been hanged." noam chomsky.
...and this is me hanging on / i'd burn our initials in the sun if it would shine / anxiety chokes me like razor wire / if hate's in your heart man, you'll take what you're given / wake up / i'm not the only one / it's never goodbye / go ahead and play dead / if everyone's a casualty, then take your time, there ain't no trouble / these wounds they will not heal / ambition can be a tricky thing / what the hell do i know about rape anyway? / this is not what i hoped for / ain't it so weird how it makes you a weapon / who will be there to tell me how stupid i am? / those living for death will die by their own hand / and it's me that I am spying on / pick up the pieces and live with the stars / hurry up and wait / things have never been so swell / they're always the ones who slowly drift / be great / ...and this is my world.
...and this is me hanging on / i'd burn our initials in the sun if it would shine / anxiety chokes me like razor wire / if hate's in your heart man, you'll take what you're given / wake up / i'm not the only one / it's never goodbye / go ahead and play dead / if everyone's a casualty, then take your time, there ain't no trouble / these wounds they will not heal / ambition can be a tricky thing / what the hell do i know about rape anyway? / this is not what i hoped for / ain't it so weird how it makes you a weapon / who will be there to tell me how stupid i am? / those living for death will die by their own hand / and it's me that I am spying on / pick up the pieces and live with the stars / hurry up and wait / things have never been so swell / they're always the ones who slowly drift / be great / ...and this is my world.
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sYdeshowFreek
- Posts: 105
- Joined: 8/4/2003, 1:11 am
- Location: California, USA
The Avengers
My friend who told me about OLP was who I first heard about Eddie Izzard from (she's got great taste in just about everything), but I didn't really know what he looked like or who he was until I bought The Avengers (not a spectacular movie but I have this unhealthy obsession with Ralph Fiennes and it's a great quotable movie). He has one line the entire movie and it's right at the end, "Oh fuck." It's great when no one else has seen it and you're like "here come's his only line."
Amber
Amber
"Music washes from the soul the dust of everyday life." - Berthold Auerbach
...and Mr. and Mrs. Humperdink did -not- say "Oh, what shall we call our son so he does not get the shit kicked out of him at school?" "How about Engelbert?"
"if the nuremberg trials were applied to us foreign policy, every us president since 1945 would have been hanged." noam chomsky.
...and this is me hanging on / i'd burn our initials in the sun if it would shine / anxiety chokes me like razor wire / if hate's in your heart man, you'll take what you're given / wake up / i'm not the only one / it's never goodbye / go ahead and play dead / if everyone's a casualty, then take your time, there ain't no trouble / these wounds they will not heal / ambition can be a tricky thing / what the hell do i know about rape anyway? / this is not what i hoped for / ain't it so weird how it makes you a weapon / who will be there to tell me how stupid i am? / those living for death will die by their own hand / and it's me that I am spying on / pick up the pieces and live with the stars / hurry up and wait / things have never been so swell / they're always the ones who slowly drift / be great / ...and this is my world.
...and this is me hanging on / i'd burn our initials in the sun if it would shine / anxiety chokes me like razor wire / if hate's in your heart man, you'll take what you're given / wake up / i'm not the only one / it's never goodbye / go ahead and play dead / if everyone's a casualty, then take your time, there ain't no trouble / these wounds they will not heal / ambition can be a tricky thing / what the hell do i know about rape anyway? / this is not what i hoped for / ain't it so weird how it makes you a weapon / who will be there to tell me how stupid i am? / those living for death will die by their own hand / and it's me that I am spying on / pick up the pieces and live with the stars / hurry up and wait / things have never been so swell / they're always the ones who slowly drift / be great / ...and this is my world.