So a bird shats on my head today.......

happening fish · Post by **happening fish** » 6/26/2003, 7:59 pm

He's like a living legend :lol:

crazyblue32 · Post by **crazyblue32** » 6/26/2003, 10:17 pm

Johnathan, you are the reason I wake up in the afternoon.
You give me reason to.. brush my teeth.
Thinking of you helps me to concentrate while.. watching TV.. (figure THAT one out!)

Johnathan, you are my hero.

Keep being clutzy, dude!

Solidarity 9-6347 · Post by **Solidarity 9-6347** » 6/26/2003, 10:21 pm

hey jonathan, got a picture 8-)

clumsychild_ · Post by **clumsychild_** » 6/26/2003, 10:26 pm

yeah...we need to get an actual picture of what you would look like performing these mishaps... :lol:

Johnny · Post by **Johnny** » 6/27/2003, 12:21 pm

Just picture a big guy being stuck to a metal railing 8-)

crazyblue32 · Post by **crazyblue32** » 6/27/2003, 12:27 pm

This is your mother speaking: Johnathan, get a picture for the losers on the cm..

thirdhour · Post by **thirdhour** » 6/27/2003, 12:46 pm

okie, me and my buddy johnythan are hijacking this here thread! you give us what we want, and no-one gets hurt.

Here's the deal: we want a banner for a certain persons sig that includes emtee, guitars and the name "Johnathan"

in return you get: more of johny boy's hilarious mishaps.

NO BANNER, NO FUN FOR YOU!

we are serious. you don't want to mess with us because..uh..we're scary?:freak:

yeahhh, thats the one! :evil:

Johnny · Post by **Johnny** » 6/27/2003, 12:53 pm

TRAPPED!!!!!

Yesterday was pretty dull until I got a phone call. This phone was from a family friend who we have know for 10+ years. So he says that he needs help with his cows and he asked If I could come out and help him. So I said sure( :Johnathan:

)

So I get my rubber boots and a pair of old clothes and I proceed to my friends house. So I get there and I ask him" What are we doing today?' He says" We are going to artifically inseminate a few cows" I was like

I was like...ooakaaayyyyyy :Johnathan:

So we proceed to his barn and he opend a cabinet and pulls out these gloves. Now these gloves are special. They go alllllllllll the way up to one shoulder. Shoulder Gloves they is.I didnt like the idea of him pulling out such long gloves.
I asked him" What are those for?"
He said" To wear" :Johnathan:

I replyed' I know that but why" What are they used for"
He told me that in order in artificially inseminate a cow, some one has to stick his hand into the cows anus press down on the cows uterus( I think thats what he said)

I was the unfortunate soul who got to use the glove. :oops:

So I get the glove on and we go to work.....which wasnt so bad...to tell the truth. It was weird having my hand in an ass :uh:

So everything was going good until we got to this one cow....the bitch of th herd. One nasty cow I tell ya!!. She was big and mean!!

We had to restrain her in a special corral. and we proceeded to work. So I get into postition and I am inserting my hand into the cows bum. That when trouble started. My buddies cell phone rang and it spooked the cow and hse started thrashing around, while my hand was inside her ass. So as she's thrashing around the corral, I'm getting thrown around too!! I was smashed into the was, then the fence, then the wall and so on and so fourth. This goes on for what seemd like hours but is was a few mere minutes..of hell.

In order to settle her down my friend ran and grabbed a Cattle prod!! He came back and turned the prod on and shocked the cow . The cow needed a few hits from the prod to settle down.........which she did...finally......... :uh:

So after she was cooled down. My friend asked me how I was......and he noticed me just hanging off the cow......hurt. That when he realized that as he was shocking the cow, he was shocking me as well!!! You see when the cow spooked and thrashed, I couldnt get my arm outta her ass!! So I got shocked a good 7-8 times. :cry:

In the end of the ordeal.. I was bruised and sore and my arm was a little sore as well........it kinda went numb and it wa sshaking :uh:

I am not going to help him knock up his cows ever again :neutral:

Penguin Josh · Post by **Penguin Josh** » 6/27/2003, 1:34 pm

That just made my day, johnathan you are my god

thirdhour · Post by **thirdhour** » 6/27/2003, 2:04 pm

pst, johnythan...

if you keep on feeding them the laughs, we dont get the banner....

you've got to hold up your end of the bargain, buddy

happening fish · Post by **happening fish** » 6/27/2003, 2:11 pm

oh my god

Susan · Post by **Susan** » 6/27/2003, 2:12 pm

Johnathan, you're full of awesome stories. :mrgreen:

Johnny · Post by **Johnny** » 6/27/2003, 2:35 pm

Its all rather sad dudes

Being electrocuted hurts :freak:

thirdhour · Post by **thirdhour** » 6/27/2003, 2:40 pm

lemme try this again...c'mon you all are nice people, right?

we dont want this to get ugly...

BANNER PWEASE!! :puppyeyes:

emily · Post by **emily** » 6/27/2003, 2:41 pm

I was electricuted but a tesla coil, but that's probably not as bad. Umm, are you sure it was the cow's anus?

Johnny · Post by **Johnny** » 6/27/2003, 2:46 pm

My hand was in the cows anus.. I felt the shock and it hurt :freak:

clumsychild_ · Post by **clumsychild_** » 6/27/2003, 3:32 pm

...here you are...it took me all of 5 minutes...but...ya know :freak:

enjoy..

..i was assisted by "crazyblue32"

nelison · Post by **nelison** » 6/27/2003, 3:48 pm

emily wrote:I was electricuted but a tesla coil, but that's probably not as bad.

my girlfriend's name is Tesla

but seriously I could not fathom having my hand up a cows ass :lol:

crazyblue32 · Post by **crazyblue32** » 6/27/2003, 3:54 pm

Johnathan.. how do you POSSIBLY have such an interesting life? I have no cool stories... My only claim to fame is my allergy to latex..

:lol:

Johnny · Post by **Johnny** » 6/27/2003, 3:59 pm

J-Neli wrote:but seriously I could not fathom having my hand up a cows ass

It was nasty!! To make matters worse that cow was trying to have a dump!! It was gross!! I couldt feel it coming out!

I feel dirty