Richele's poetry/songs

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A pop-up book of flowers from grade 4 are driving her insane...
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Candy-coated Fake
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Richele's poetry/songs

Post by Candy-coated Fake »

Yes. I am afraid that I will have to bombard you with more of my writing. I'd enjoy some constructive critisism, but please realize I will not change the poem. I'll use your suggestions in future writings. Now that I've cleared that up, here's two of my poems. :nod:

Cleansed
By Richele

Lead to a land so pure
that raindrops can play in muddy pools
and return with clearer eyes.
Dance with me under the falling moon
and smell the lake beneath our feet
like glass it holds us in its light.
Could you kiss the honey upon my lips
and say that it is not satisfying?
Lying in everlasting peace
surviving off the fragrant breeze
living in a coloured world
and waking into flawless dreams.
Sunlight splashes into the dawn
and we lay as one in the forgotten beauty
Like the stream that has found its river
we have found each other
Our hearts falter
at the bursting of the heavens
as the stars call to each other in envious cries
I whisper your name softly enough to stir the wind
and indulge myself in your perfection
for one last time.


And another...

Unravelled
By Richele

Tangled in your careful web
of lies and hate, my body aches
I taste you with my burning mouth
upon my lips, eternal bliss
But eternity is another fraud
disguised in white to failing sight
Like a doll I'm stabbed with pins
Your spider-poison melts my skin.

Chorus:
I never knew pain until your kiss
Twisted, tangled, and never missed
I now know lust is raw abuse
Now I'm dying, I'm so fucking used
My sugar-coated candy eyes
couldn't fathom all these lies.

I lay awake at night in tears
holding my breath and tempting death
I know my love is all in vain
and I cry away unhappy days
Hold me tight within your arms
pretend we feel this love can heal
Cut me on my broken heart
Leave me to be raped by dark.

(Chorus)

Tangled in your careful web
I taste you with my burning mouth
But eternity is another fraud
that I would rather do without.

I lay awake at night in tears
I know my love is all in vain
I hold you tight within my arms
and slash my mangled wrists again.


Well, hope ya liked em.
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starseed_10
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Post by starseed_10 »

i think the rhyme scheme in the first one is kinda confusing, but its not bad.

I like the second one.
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Candy-coated Fake
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Post by Candy-coated Fake »

There isn't a rhyme scheme. It's free verse. But thanks.
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