To do when dating

dream in japanese · Post by **dream in japanese** » 6/19/2003, 4:01 pm

For Your Lungs Only wrote: All women have shown me so far in my dating career is that they are users, liars, and cheaters.

that's all guys have shown me but i still believe in love

Sufjan Stevens · Post by **Sufjan Stevens** » 6/19/2003, 4:03 pm

Wow, get jaded hun. It makes life a lot easier when you don't trust people. If you don't think everyone is a good person, then you won't get hurt when you find out the guy is just using you.

mosaik · Post by **mosaik** » 6/19/2003, 4:05 pm

well.... not to be an asshole, but your mates are sometimes a reflection of yourself.

i mean, you guys are picking the scum, right? we all make mistakes. you can choose to accept the reality of life like Alan has or you can choose to be more selective.

nelison · Post by **nelison** » 6/19/2003, 4:06 pm

For Your Lungs Only wrote:People do get lucky and find all the right girls Jim, but think about it this way. With the select few like you that get all the decent girls worthy of my time, that leaves oodles of pieces of shit out there for me to stumble into. Maybe I will find a girl that is worth my time, but until I do, I won't even consider that "love" emotion. Nope, I like that the only person I love is myself, and it will stay that way until I find the right girl.

That makes sense. I understand fully why it's difficult to believe in love after all of that stuff, i'd more than likely be the same. I don't know if it's because almost all of my friends are girls, or what, but I've never got to truly know a girl that acts or acted like the girls you have dated. Of course my crowd of friends are probably incredibly different from the crowd you follow, so what I said might not mean much, but it's really just finding the good apples from a bushel of crappy ones.

dream in japanese · Post by **dream in japanese** » 6/19/2003, 4:09 pm

mosaik wrote:well.... not to be an asshole, but your mates are sometimes a reflection of yourself.

i mean, you guys are picking the scum, right? we all make mistakes. you can choose to accept the reality of life like Alan has or you can choose to be more selective.

more selective?

Sufjan Stevens · Post by **Sufjan Stevens** » 6/19/2003, 4:09 pm

I don't get on any girl that I see ya know. I actually am selective and think that I made the right choice. I, however, am not too perceptive on picking up on what is not presented in the beginning. I am horrible when it comes to noticing the problems in women right away. Hell, it seems like every girl I pick has emotional baggage and a mental problem or two. I find the girls on medication, the ones that were sexually abused as children, and the sluts that want to fuck my friends instead of me. I am none of those, and I am not scum buddy. I just trusted people and never really dug into their past too deeply to find these things out before they were now in my present.

Sufjan Stevens · Post by **Sufjan Stevens** » 6/19/2003, 4:11 pm

Jim, I couldn't tell you why we've had such different experiences with women. All my friends are women too, and that's cool and all, but whenever I want a relationship with a woman, they seem to be of the bottom feeder variety and are, for the most part, worthless.

nelison · Post by **nelison** » 6/19/2003, 4:13 pm

Just wondering, do you usually "pick up" girls? or are some of them friends? or what?

Maybe that's why I've found good ones, I've been friends with 2 of my 3 gf's before dating them and the other one was a good friend of my friends so her attitude and personality was somewhat the same as theirs. The two girls though (my current gf, and my first one) aren't from the same group of friends so it's not like I'm jumping from one girl to the next within my own group :lol:

Sufjan Stevens · Post by **Sufjan Stevens** » 6/19/2003, 4:15 pm

My friends stay my friends. I don't want to date them, then have everything go wrong. I'd much rather try my luck with new girls than fuck up a friendship or two because I wanted to date some one.

dream in japanese · Post by **dream in japanese** » 6/19/2003, 4:18 pm

my experiences are very similar to yours Alan, I put too much trust into someone and a lot of the time i'm too blind to see that person for who they actually are. and ya I've learned a lot from my past relationships and won't allow myself to get into another relationship like that. I haven't been in a serious relationship in almost a year so I guess i'm being more selective but i still want to be in love.

nelison · Post by **nelison** » 6/19/2003, 4:21 pm

that's cool. See my first gf happend when I was only 15 (if you want to count that but it lasted 6 months so why not?) when you're 15 you don't know anyone outside of your group really, so ya we gave it a shot. As for my current gf, we made a really conscientious effort to make sure we didn't ruin our friendship. We had a strong friendship too. So we were both afraid of that. We took it very slow and used our friendship as the foundation.

Dating friends is okay in my opinion. Just as long as you try and make it clear that the friendship is what matters most, until both people only see the other as a boyfriend or girlfriend and nothing less. You'd be surprised at how much easier things are when you already know the person. It's a lot easier to talk and you're not so worried about what you say, or that you look tip-top everytime you're with eachother.

Sufjan Stevens · Post by **Sufjan Stevens** » 6/19/2003, 4:23 pm

Hah, I have been dating some one for eight months (like I said) and she's great and all, but not worthy of my emotions. She is immature, which is a good thing, but her immaturity gets to the point where it just annoys me. She is never open about how she feels. She wants to wait until marraige to have sex. To top it all off, she doesn't really have any emotions for me, and if she does, she sure can hide them. She thinks she will end up with her ex boyfriend in the end, and she takes me for granted. Yeah, little does she know, I can make her life a living hell in about 30 minutes, but that stays between you and me. Hah.

If I get past her setbacks, she's a great gal. She just doesn't see me as some one she would want to settle down with, and that's great for her, but by dating her, I give up my right to date other girls, which really sucks, but oh well.

nelison · Post by **nelison** » 6/19/2003, 4:27 pm

why waste your time on someone who doesn't want you?
why not find someone that is truly worthy of your time and attention and vice versa?

I think you owe that to yourself

superrgirll · Post by **superrgirll** » 6/19/2003, 4:29 pm

i have had some of the crappiest relationships with guys. guys that have used me for sex, guys that don't know the meaning of the word no, guys that just start ignoring you for no reason, guys who cheat. so yea, i have quite a bit of issues with guys. it is incredibly hard for me to trust guys. my last serious relationship was over 2 years ago. now, i am seeing someone new (my matty) and it is getting pretty serious. he's awesome and super cool.

Sufjan Stevens · Post by **Sufjan Stevens** » 6/19/2003, 4:32 pm

Well, I stick around because she changes a lot. She says she's over her ex and doesn't want to be with him anymore, but I still find that hard to believe. I am breaking her down (gradually) with the emotional problems. She wants to sleep with me, but she keeps telling herself no (thanks a lot organized religion!) The immaturity can fade away with time. And the main reason I stick around with her is because I am a dumbass that doesn't know when to leave a woman. I have horrible times with breaking it off with a girl. I wanted to dump Stephanie numerous times when we went last summer, and we all know how that turned out.

Axtech · Post by **Axtech** » 6/19/2003, 4:36 pm

For Your Lungs Only wrote:She wants to sleep with me, but she keeps telling herself no (thanks a lot organized religion!)

Sufjan Stevens · Post by **Sufjan Stevens** » 6/19/2003, 4:39 pm

Hey, little Alan needs a friend you know. I haven't gotten laid in 10 months, and I am almost to the point of desperation.

Yep. She's one of those devout Catholics. So unless I give her a ring, I get none for a long long time.

committed · Post by **committed** » 6/19/2003, 4:41 pm

i can't wait to fall in love again

it's going to be grrrrrrreat

Axtech · Post by **Axtech** » 6/19/2003, 4:43 pm

For Your Lungs Only wrote:Hey, little Alan needs a friend you know. I haven't gotten laid in 10 months, and I am almost to the point of desperation.

16 years and counting.

Sufjan Stevens · Post by **Sufjan Stevens** » 6/19/2003, 4:43 pm

No offense Jeff, but it's that kind of attitude that helps me reaffirm my beliefs that love does not exist. People look to throw that word around at any point, and that helps make love look like a joke, like Carrot Top's career.