ClumsyMonkey.net

This might be the wrong forum for this, but it deals with the recent elections so I'm putting here, feel free to move if it's not welcome here.

"O Canada, We Plead to Cede to Thee
By HOWARD GENSLER

ADOPT US, O Canada!

As a blue-red split continues in the Divided States of America, we
note that every blue state is contiguous to Canada or to a another
blue state that is contiguous to Canada, except Hawaii - that's not
contiguous to anything but a lot of blue water that's contiguous to
Canada.

Therefore, we've got an idea. How about a sort of second American
Revolution, Canada, in which you annex all the blue states, liberate
us from King George, and thus become the world's sole superpower.

What Canada Gets:

* Higher education: All eight Ivy League universities, Stanford,
U.Chicago and Northwestern all just lowered their admissions standards
for the kids from Saskatchewan.

* Serious sports: Forget the Super Bowl. With the Eagles,
Patriots,Steelers, Jets, Vikings and Packers, the Grey Cup is where
it's at.

You get the Expos back as they're now in D.C. But who needs the Expos
when you've got the Red Sox, Yankees, Twins, Mariners, Giants,
Dodgers, Angels, Padres, Phillies and Pirates. The World Series is
coming! The World Series is coming!

WHAT IT WOULD LOOK LIKE:

A Daily News Graphic

The Raptors are Canada's favorite basketball team? We don't think so.

What about Flyers-Maple Leafs? Flyers-Canadiens? Settle the strike and
drop the puck.

* Warm-weather vacations: Sun yourselves whenever you want in Southern
California or Hawaii at Canada's beautiful beaches.

* The cultural arts: Tourists will love Canada's museums including the
Smithsonian, the Museum of Natural History and the Philadelphia Museum
of Art. Plus, in addition to Broadway, the Kennedy Center and top
regional theater, we're throwing in our best orchestras -
Philadelphia, Boston, Chicago and L.A.

* The entertainment industry: You already love our movies and TV shows
more than those red-staters and now when that rare production shoots
in California or New York instead of Vancouver or Toronto, you still
get credit for the jobs and the tax revenue.

* The automobile industry: Ohio can keep its Honda plant. GMs, Fords
and Chryslers are made in Canada.

* The biotech industry: With many of the world's top biotech firms
located in Massachusetts, New York, Washington and California (thanks
to $6 billion in new stem cell research funding), it's likely that
Canadian scientists will cure cancer and heart disease within the next
50 years.

* The computer industry: That's right, we keep Microsoft, Apple,
Hewlett-Packard and Silicon Valley. "America" gets Dell.

* A burgeoning tourist industry: You've now got a lot more to sell
than Toronto, the Cabot Trail and the glaciers in Banff. Even
red-staters love to visit Atlantic City, the Liberty Bell, Maui, the
Space needle and Disneyland (now Disney Canada).

* Fresher produce: Canada, the artichoke, garlic and strawberry
capital of the world. And Canadian wines just got a whole lot tastier.

* Arnold Schwarzenegger: He can't be president but he'd make a swell
Canadian premier.

What the Red-Staters get:

* Exactly what they want.

What Blue-Staters get:

* Canadian citizenship: And we don't even have to move.

* "O, Canada": A national anthem that's much easier to sing than "The
Star Spangled Banner."

* Free flu shots. (Not to mention free health care.)

You don't like our "values," red-staters, you've got your wish - we're
outta here.

But remember, the next time you want to see a Broadway show, visit
wine country, Hawaii or the birthplace of liberty, don't just bring
your Visa card, bring your visa.

You're in Canada now. And we're tightening our borders.

Don't delay, Canada. This offer expires in four years.

I like it!

It would never work, and Bush would just pull all forces out of Iraq and forget about the issues over there to strike us down with force and nukes and stuff. But it would be damn nice.

Plus, you know, it's not like the blue states were unanimous. Up to 50% (don't know the actual numbers, but you get the point) of the new Canadians would be mighty pissed.

Hahah yeah, alot of places were borderline. But it would rule too.

Hey that's whats so great about democracy... Majority rules. Screw you, 49%!

It works for me.

I'm all for it!

"Welcome to Canada...something something something.....Oh Canada it's great....something something something....you have to come her to get milk in a bag...."

OH MAN! If we became part of Canada, we could get milk in a bag!!!! *gets excited* WE MUST MAKE THIS HAPPEN, PEOPLE!!

do people still buy milk in a bag?
we stopped doing that AGES ago

snipping the damn top off them was always a bitch and then the top would mysteriously disappear on the floor somewhere

Rusty wrote:"Welcome to Canada...something something something.....Oh Canada it's great....something something something....you have to come her to get milk in a bag...."

If you're gonna quote five iron frenzy do it right!


Welcome to canada it's a maple leaf state
Canada, oh Canada it's great,
the people are nice and,
they speak french too,
if you don't like it man you sniff glue.

The Great white north,
their quilts are plaid,
hosers take off,
it's not that bad.

I want to be where yaks can run free,
Where Royal Mounties can arrest me.

Let's go to Canada, let's leave today,
Canada, oh, Canada, I S'il Vous Plait.

They've got trees, and mooses, and sled dogs,
Lots of lumber, and lumberjacks, and logs!
We all think it's kind of a drag,
That you have to go there to get milk in a bag.
They say "eh?" instead of "what?" or "duh?"
That's the mighty power of Canada.

I want to be where lemmings run into the sea,
Where the marmosets can attack me.

Let's go to Canada, let's leave today,
Canada, oh, Canada, I S'il Vous Plait.
Let's go to Canada, let's leave today,
Canada, oh, Canada, I S'il Vous Plait.

Please, please, explain to me,
How this all has come to be,
We forgot to mention something here.
Did we say that William Shatner is a native citizen?
And Slurpees, "made from venison," That's deer.

Let's go to Canada, let's leave today,
Canada, oh, Canada, I S'il Vous Plait.

Gotta love Five Iron Frenzy.

Thank you I couldn't find the lyrics.

Find the lyrics? I typed those all out myself! Slackers!

i see.

.... wow.... and when I propose this, people call it a stupid idea that would never work....

In your defense, I did call it a stupid idea that would never work.

Besides, I think this thread is more for satirical humour than anything else.

ya it's just in good fun. I don't think it would work either, but you know.


And for the record we still buy our milk in a bag.

Milk tastes better when poured from a plastic bag.

This is true

perhaps it simulates the natural utter better...


but seriously, what are you guys talking about? Milk in a bag? Is this a Ontario thing? Kinda like Pizza Pizza?