ClumsyMonkey.net

I have wright a letter to my department head in order for me to change my major, and i was hoping you guys could help me out on grammar and stuff like that because i suck. thanks.

I am writing to you to let you know that I wish to change my major for this year. I would like to change my major from Natural Resources to Marine Biology.

I originally came to this school for Marine Biology, and then I started to get into my classes in the Plant and Environmental Science department, and thought that was where I belonged. Up until the end of last year that is what I thought, but then I started to get involved with the Marine Biology club and my Marine Biology class. When I had thought of changing my major last year it had gotten to be too late and I was unable to change it. So I spent the summer, especially the last few weeks were I started to lose sleep because of the matter, thinking about changing my major. I would like to thank you for taking your time to read this.

a) Dont start a sentence with "And" in the context that you did.


b) "So I spent the summer, especially the last few weeks were I started to loose sleep of the matter" isn't even a sentence.

I don't know if i'd even include this idea, but if you want to, then go with something like "So I spent the summer, especially the last few weeks, losing sleep over the matter"

c) the ending is way too sudden. Go with something like,
"(new paragraph) In conclusion, i'd like to thank you for taking the time to read this, and i'd appreciate a change if at all possible."

then sign it and everything at the bottom.





oh, and by the way, aren't you in grade 10 or something? why do you have a major?

take out the word "gotten"

instead of:

"When I had thought of changing my major last year it had gotten to be too late"

try ..

"When I thought of changing my major last year it was already too late to make any changes"

Just my thoughts

Marine Biology .. good choice

I am in 11 and it is just what my school calls it to make it easier. and most of that i have fixed and am now going to fix the ending

The Other Josh wrote:I have to write a letter to my department head in order to change my major, and I was hoping you guys could help me out on grammar, spelling and word choice because I'm not very good at writing. Thanks.

My name is Josh ________, and I am writing to let you know that I wish to change my major for this year. I would like to change my major from Natural Resources to Marine Biology.

I originally came to this school for Marine Biology. I later realized how much I enjoyed my classes in the Plant and Environmental Science department, and thought that was a better choice for me. At the end of the past year, however, I started to get involved with the Marine Biology club and my Marine Biology class. When I decided to switch my major to Marine Biology last year, I was too late and unable to change it.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

or just use rob's version

so here is the whole updated version

97 Hollis Street
Brockton, Ma 02302

September 12, 2004

Dr. Anderson
Norfolk County Agricultural High School
400 Main Street
Walpole, MA 02081

Dear Dr. Andersen

I am writing to you to let you know that I wish to change my major for this year. I would like to change my major from Natural Resources to Marine Biology.

I originally came to this school for Marine Biology. I later realized how much I enjoyed my classes in the Plant and Environmental Science department, and thought that was a better choice for me. At the end of the past year, however, I started to get involved with the Marine Biology club and my Marine Biology class. When I decided to my major to Marine Biology last year, I was too late and unable to change it. I spent the summer; especially the last few weeks were I started to lose sleep because of the matter, thinking about changing my major.

In conclusion, I would like to thank you for taking the time to read this, and I would appreciate a change if at all possible.

Sincerely,



Joshua Fowler

well I am going to go with the above one unless someone puts in suggestions by the time i go to sleep. i may be posting another one because my mom has to write something about this as well to the principal

The Other Josh wrote:When I decided to switch my major to Marine Biology last year, I was too late and unable to change it.

and...

I spent the summer; especially the last few weeks were I started to lose sleep because of the matter, thinking about changing my major.

That still doesn't add up to a sentence...

how's about:

I spent my summer thinking about the change in my major, espesially the last few weeks because i have been losing sleep over it.

i was told i should by my counslor

do you actually take marine biology courses in high school?

yes i do

and all that still needs work is that last sentence of the second paragraph

How about...


"I have been greatly concerned about changing my major all summer, and I would be relieved if I could get this all sorted out."

That way you avoid the awkward comment about losing sleep, but you still get the point across.

how a boot, "It's been on my mind all summer, to the point that i've lost sleep over the issue."

yes. i like rob's idea, if you can get by without the losing-sleep comment.

:O thats great, but lets combine the two to:

I have been greatly concerned about changing my major all summer, to the point that i've lost sleep over the issue, and I would be relieved if I could get this all sorted out.

The Other Josh wrote::O thats great, but lets combine the two to:

I have been greatly concerned about changing my major all summer, to the point that i've lost sleep over the issue, and I would be relieved if I could get this all sorted out.

That's awkward. How about something like. I have been greatly concerned about changing my major all summer. To such an extent that I have lost sleep over the issue. I would be relieved if this could be sorted out. Thank you.

this is what it is right now

I have been greatly concerned about changing my major all summer, to such an extent that I have lost sleep over the issue. I would be relieved if this could be sorted out.