ClumsyMonkey.net

here are two letters i have recently written that i feel are the best letters EVER WRITTEN!

first is the letter i wrote to the webmaster of the tv show mutant x after i saw the show for the first time.

good day,
I realize this has nothing to do with you but I couldn't find any other email on the site to write to. I have recently seen an episode of this show and would like to say how much I want to be a mutant - xer on this show. I want to turn into liquid and go through doors. I want to have special powers like with the flick of my hand I can make someone fall. this show has made me want to be all that I can be and this is all from just one episode. I think you should forward this to the special people who can make my dream of turning into liquid come true. I look forward to hearing from you very soon.

Thanks!

-Melissa (hopefully future mutant - xer! )

next letter is a letter i wrote to the webmaster of the fabulous show The Beastmaster after the first time i saw it.

dear beastmaster webmaster, (I can rhyme)

I realize this has nothing to do with you but this is the only email I could find and I want to express my feelings on this show to someone. I watched my very first episode the other day and realized that I would like to be the beastmaster. I want to save animals from the naughty people. I want a tiger to talk to me. I want to be friends with the unicorns. in the episode I watched, the current beastmaster doesn't seem to be doing a good job so I think it's time he's banished and I replace him. I'm not sure if you can do this or not but I believe in you beastmaster webmaster. I believe you can make me the new beastmaster. also, I want to have green hair like the woman in the last episode. I realize she has some of her face green too but I can pull that off too. I look forward to being your beastmaster and the worlds. thanks for making my dream come true!

-Melissa ( the future in beastmastering)

someone has a lot of time on their hands

thanks for making me laugh! for sure the best letters ever!

J-Neli wrote:someone has a lot of time on their hands

stay out of my thread if you're gonna be an ass. thanks.

Well when you say best letters ever written, you expect to read the best letters ever written.

You brought my hopes up with that title and then smashed them with the content.

baby_dracula wrote::lol: thanks for making me laugh! for sure the best letters ever!

thanks at least someone gets it.

You obviously have alot of time on your hands to come into a thread and bash it.

those letters are actually pretty cool! i hope you get the mutant x/beastmaster jobs!

*loves Melissa's letters* They made the hub quote database, AKA, "The Notepad".

J-Neli wrote:someone has a lot of time on their hands

Hey Jim, go have some sex, go yank your head out of your ass, drink a beer, smoke some weed, jerk off to some political magazine, or whatever it is that you need to do to lighten up and get a damn sense of humor. Fucking dick. All she was trying to do was post something to make everyone laugh. Then you come along and instantly turn it to shit. Now instead of this being a thread about how funny those letters were, it will be a thread about what a massive penis Jim has for head. I'm sure Melissa feels bad for not having crafted the literary masterpieces you were soooooo hoping to find in this thread. From now on we'll be sure to have only the best topics and threads just for you buddy. Everyone thank Jim for helping us realize that humor has no place on this board.

And haha Melissa. I saw the beastmaster one the other night on the hub. I could picture you in my mind reading the letter, so it made me laugh out loud.

xoNoDoubt69 wrote:

J-Neli wrote:someone has a lot of time on their hands

stay out of my thread if you're gonna be an ass. thanks.

And Mel, your letters were great. I can soo imagine the looks on people's faces when they get them! Haha, you never know, if they ever have like a special episode of thoses shows showing how big the fanbase is, they might read your letters!

Did anyone reply??

that is great

Speaking of taking things too seriously, you guys need to settle down before you hurt yourself.

xjsb125 wrote:

J-Neli wrote:someone has a lot of time on their hands

Hey Jim, go have some sex, go yank your head out of your ass, drink a beer, smoke some weed, jerk off to some political magazine, or whatever it is that you need to do to lighten up and get a damn sense of humor. Fucking dick. All she was trying to do was post something to make everyone laugh. Then you come along and instantly turn it to shit. Now instead of this being a thread about how funny those letters were, it will be a thread about what a massive penis Jim has for head. I'm sure Melissa feels bad for not having crafted the literary masterpieces you were soooooo hoping to find in this thread. From now on we'll be sure to have only the best topics and threads just for you buddy. Everyone thank Jim for helping us realize that humor has no place on this board.

That was genius Matt.
And Malicka, that was awesome.

Long Jonny wrote:

xjsb125 wrote:

J-Neli wrote:someone has a lot of time on their hands

Hey Jim, go have some sex, go yank your head out of your ass, drink a beer, smoke some weed, jerk off to some political magazine, or whatever it is that you need to do to lighten up and get a damn sense of humor. Fucking dick. All she was trying to do was post something to make everyone laugh. Then you come along and instantly turn it to shit. Now instead of this being a thread about how funny those letters were, it will be a thread about what a massive penis Jim has for head. I'm sure Melissa feels bad for not having crafted the literary masterpieces you were soooooo hoping to find in this thread. From now on we'll be sure to have only the best topics and threads just for you buddy. Everyone thank Jim for helping us realize that humor has no place on this board.

That was genius Matt.
And Malicka, that was awesome.

What passes for intelligence around these parts eh?

J-Neli wrote:

Long Jonny wrote:

xjsb125 wrote:

J-Neli wrote:someone has a lot of time on their hands

Hey Jim, go have some sex, go yank your head out of your ass, drink a beer, smoke some weed, jerk off to some political magazine, or whatever it is that you need to do to lighten up and get a damn sense of humor. Fucking dick. All she was trying to do was post something to make everyone laugh. Then you come along and instantly turn it to shit. Now instead of this being a thread about how funny those letters were, it will be a thread about what a massive penis Jim has for head. I'm sure Melissa feels bad for not having crafted the literary masterpieces you were soooooo hoping to find in this thread. From now on we'll be sure to have only the best topics and threads just for you buddy. Everyone thank Jim for helping us realize that humor has no place on this board.

That was genius Matt.
And Malicka, that was awesome.

What passes for intelligence around these parts eh?

Jimmy boy, you need to grow up
It's sad that some of the younger people on the board are much more respectful than you are.

I'm respectful of people who have earned my respect

J-Neli wrote:I'm respectful of people who have earned my respect

You act like you are holy.

Well, if that is true then not many people on here have your respect, so why do you bother coming?