ClumsyMonkey.net

I can't decide between these two titles, what should I call my novella I posted a week or so ago?

Also, here's a rough outline I put together of the story; I made this out months ago, before I wrote a lot of it...

after going to New York (and possibly Canada), alex is about out of money, Josh and the guys are heading back down through the New England area for a reason I haven't thought of yet, and they end up in this
little town (which, lo and behold, is the same town
Jules lives in). Alex loves the town, and decides to stay there. He bids the guys farewell, and as a fluke
gets a job working construction there in a day or two. He has no $$$,
and nowhere to stay for the first week and a half
until he gets paid, so he spends one night on the
street. It scares the crap out of him, so he looks up
Jules and stays on her couch for the week and a half.
They become friends, but not really romantically (he
can't really trust her enough to love her, after she robbed him. plus he figures out she's not really his type). He soon
gets his own little crummy apartament, and lives there
working construction, making it on his own for a few
months. over this time Jules gets in a fight with her
aunt, whom she's staying with, and stays with alex a
few weeks. she eventually goes back to her aunts.

Once he's settled in, he decides to send his mom a
letter (from a PO Box) and let her know he's alright.
Once the letters mailed, he gets to thinking about
home, and the thing he misses more than anything else:
Cass. He lingers on this a while and realizes he loves
her, romantically, and has to go see her. about that
time a letter gets to him from his mom, included in
this letter is another letter -- from Cassie.

In it, she confesses that she's in love with him, and
didn't have the nerve to tell him before he left. (he
reads the letter on a park bench, on a GRAY EVENING IN
THE FALL, hence the title). He then heads back down
South to find Cass. When he gets there, he finds that
she got the study abroad internship a few days after
he left. She's in the 'states for the next few days,
but after that she's headed back to Europe for two
semesters. (She's in Texas, where Alex will go see the musically successful Josh). He goes out
there to find her, only to learn that she's now
engaged to some dude she met in the program... and
that the letter he got from Cass was written a mere
few days after he left, right before she found out she
get the study abroad thing (i.e. LONG ago). Their
meetings a disaster; she's moved on and is leaving the
country in a few hours. it's terrible and awkward.

he goes back home defeated, and goes on a week or two
and feels awful. he's awfully depressed and doesn't
know what to do with himself. He stumbles into a
church one Sunday night, and catches some insights on
a sermon. this spurs him to a (story ending) epiphany
(one I've been trying to teach myself lately. kind of
ironic I thought of this ending before I was put in a
position to learn the same lesson) -- that being that
life isn't about winning. it's not about getting the
girl. it's just about living. getting up the next day,
and the next, even if you don't want to. good days may
be coming, and if you don't stick it out long enough
to find out you'll miss 'em.

-the end- ... I think

there will, of course, be more stuff in there than that; it's just a very, very rough outline. any ideas?, suggestions?

vote! woot!

One of your characters should be named Johnathan And it sa good read dude. AND I like "Grey Evening in the Fall" as a title

Wow. That's exellent.

There is some circles in the story where, no matter how far he goes, he ends up in the same place. Like Jules, he stayed with her, she stayed with him, but they never became more then just travelling mates. And at the beginning of the story, he ran from a a terrible place to find his own home and life. Then at the end, he goes from his new home, to his love but he just ends up back at square one.

I like the fact that it isn't a cheezy romantic ending. That takes away from the predictable.

I have a question though, at the end you said he "goes home" and then wanderes into a church. Which 'home' are you talking about? His parents, or the small town one with Jules?


oh, I also have a suggestion. Since you keep updating this story on us, it would be really nice if you posted it somewhere else that you could just put it up chapter by chapter. Then we can just pick up on the new parts. Like a livejournal or something. or maybe fictionpress.com. Just an idea, since it's really hard to read something that big on a message board.


As for the name, I like fallen leaves better. I think "A Grey Evening" doesn't give a good feel of what the story is actually like. Also, 'Fallen Leaves' I think best represents what has happened since nothing is going right and his life is falling apart, but its soemthing that had to happen anyway, like in nature. Besides, leaves will grow back eventually.

Hope that helps!

Dr.Johny wrote:One of your characters should be named Johnathan And it sa good read dude. AND I like "Grey Evening in the Fall" as a title

thanks for the feedback bro.

*Ponders a character named Johnathan*

Hey! Maybe I'll rename one of the three guys he's kicking around New York with Johnathan!!

Why isn't there a Sarah!!!

Random Name wrote:Wow. That's exellent.

There is some circles in the story where, no matter how far he goes, he ends up in the same place. Like Jules, he stayed with her, she stayed with him, but they never became more then just travelling mates. And at the beginning of the story, he ran from a a terrible place to find his own home and life. Then at the end, he goes from his new home, to his love but he just ends up back at square one.

I like the fact that it isn't a cheezy romantic ending. That takes away from the predictable.

I have a question though, at the end you said he "goes home" and then wanderes into a church. Which 'home' are you talking about? His parents, or the small town one with Jules?


oh, I also have a suggestion. Since you keep updating this story on us, it would be really nice if you posted it somewhere else that you could just put it up chapter by chapter. Then we can just pick up on the new parts. Like a livejournal or something. or maybe fictionpress.com. Just an idea, since it's really hard to read something that big on a message board.


As for the name, I like fallen leaves better. I think "A Grey Evening" doesn't give a good feel of what the story is actually like. Also, 'Fallen Leaves' I think best represents what has happened since nothing is going right and his life is falling apart, but its soemthing that had to happen anyway, like in nature. Besides, leaves will grow back eventually.

Hope that helps!

I was leaning toward "fallen leaves" too, I made the same connections as you with the metaphor.

And the 'going home' I meant his NEW home; I typed that out in a fury of thinking, and didn't clarify.

thanks for the ideas...

P.S.

...I've never heard of fictionpress...

*checks it out*

Its an extension of Fanfiction.net for original writings.

trentm32 wrote:

Dr.Johny wrote:One of your characters should be named Johnathan And it sa good read dude. AND I like "Grey Evening in the Fall" as a title

thanks for the feedback bro.

*Ponders a character named Johnathan*

Hey! Maybe I'll rename one of the three guys he's kicking around New York with Johnathan!!

That character would reek of so much awesomness!