The Search For Signs Of Intelligent Life In The Universe
Posted: 12/29/2003, 10:16 am
This took a while to type out, so forgive any errors. It's a monologue from some play, and it was in my english textbook. I like it.
The Search For Signs Of Intelligent Life In The Universe By Jane Wagner
Trudy
Frankly, infinity doesn't affect me personally one way or the other.
You think too long about infinity, you could go stark raving mad.
But I don't ever want to sound negative about going crazy.
I don't want to overromanticize it either, but frankly,
goin' crazy was the best thing ever happened to me.
I don't say it's for everybody;
some people couldn't cope.
But for me it came at a time when nothing else seemed to be working. I got the kind of madness Socrates talked about,
"A devine release of the soul from the yoke of
custom and convention." I refuse to be intimidated by reality anymore.
After all, what is reality anyway? Nothin' but a
collective hunch. My space chums think reality was once a
primitive method of
crowd control that got out of hand.
In my view, it's absurdity dress up
in a three-piece business suit.
I made some studies, and
reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in
touch with it. I can take it in small doeses, but as a lifestyle
I found it too confining.
It was just too needful;
it expected me to be there for it all the time, and with all
I have to do-
I had to let something go.
Now, since I put reality on a back burner, my days are
jam-packed and fun-filled. Like some days, I go hang out around Seventh Avenue; I love to do this old joke:
I wait for some music-loving tourist from one of the hotels on Central Park to go up and ask someone,
"How do I get to Carnegie Hall?"
Then I run up and yell,
"Practise!"
The expression on people's faces is pricesless. I never
could've done stuff like that when I was in my right mind.
I'd be worried people would think I was crazy.
When I think of the fun I missed,
I try not to be bitter.
See, the human mind is kind of like...
a pinata. When It breaks open,
there's a lot of surprises inside. Once you get the pinata perspective, you see that losing your mind
and be a peak experience.
I was not always a bag lady, you know.
I used to be a designer and creative consultant. For big companies!
Who do you think thought up the colour scheme for Howard Johnson's?
At the time, nobody was using
orange and aqua
in the same room together.
With fried clams.
Laugh tracks:
I gave TV sitcoms the idea for canned laughter.
I got the idea, one day I heard voices
and no one was there.
Who do you think had the idea to package panty hose in a plastic goose egg?
One thing I personally don't like about panty hose:
When you roll 'em down to the ankles the way I like 'em, you can't walk too good. People seem amused, so what's a little loss of dignity? You got to admit:
It's a look!
The only idea I'm proud of-
my umbrella hat. Protects against sunstroke, rain and
muggers. For some reason, muggers steer clear of people
wearing umbrella hats.
So it should come as no shock...I am now creative consultant to these aliens from outer space. They're a kind of cosmic fact-finding committee. Amongst other projects, they've been searching all over for Signs of Intelligent Life.
It's a lot trickier than it sounds.
The Search For Signs Of Intelligent Life In The Universe By Jane Wagner
Trudy
Frankly, infinity doesn't affect me personally one way or the other.
You think too long about infinity, you could go stark raving mad.
But I don't ever want to sound negative about going crazy.
I don't want to overromanticize it either, but frankly,
goin' crazy was the best thing ever happened to me.
I don't say it's for everybody;
some people couldn't cope.
But for me it came at a time when nothing else seemed to be working. I got the kind of madness Socrates talked about,
"A devine release of the soul from the yoke of
custom and convention." I refuse to be intimidated by reality anymore.
After all, what is reality anyway? Nothin' but a
collective hunch. My space chums think reality was once a
primitive method of
crowd control that got out of hand.
In my view, it's absurdity dress up
in a three-piece business suit.
I made some studies, and
reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in
touch with it. I can take it in small doeses, but as a lifestyle
I found it too confining.
It was just too needful;
it expected me to be there for it all the time, and with all
I have to do-
I had to let something go.
Now, since I put reality on a back burner, my days are
jam-packed and fun-filled. Like some days, I go hang out around Seventh Avenue; I love to do this old joke:
I wait for some music-loving tourist from one of the hotels on Central Park to go up and ask someone,
"How do I get to Carnegie Hall?"
Then I run up and yell,
"Practise!"
The expression on people's faces is pricesless. I never
could've done stuff like that when I was in my right mind.
I'd be worried people would think I was crazy.
When I think of the fun I missed,
I try not to be bitter.
See, the human mind is kind of like...
a pinata. When It breaks open,
there's a lot of surprises inside. Once you get the pinata perspective, you see that losing your mind
and be a peak experience.
I was not always a bag lady, you know.
I used to be a designer and creative consultant. For big companies!
Who do you think thought up the colour scheme for Howard Johnson's?
At the time, nobody was using
orange and aqua
in the same room together.
With fried clams.
Laugh tracks:
I gave TV sitcoms the idea for canned laughter.
I got the idea, one day I heard voices
and no one was there.
Who do you think had the idea to package panty hose in a plastic goose egg?
One thing I personally don't like about panty hose:
When you roll 'em down to the ankles the way I like 'em, you can't walk too good. People seem amused, so what's a little loss of dignity? You got to admit:
It's a look!
The only idea I'm proud of-
my umbrella hat. Protects against sunstroke, rain and
muggers. For some reason, muggers steer clear of people
wearing umbrella hats.
So it should come as no shock...I am now creative consultant to these aliens from outer space. They're a kind of cosmic fact-finding committee. Amongst other projects, they've been searching all over for Signs of Intelligent Life.
It's a lot trickier than it sounds.
