ClumsyMonkey.net

Okay, if your girlfriend says she's going to call you at a specific time and then calls way later than that or not at all and then gives some excuse about being tired and just "crashing after work" (when she was supposed to call you) and she seems to have a habit of doing this, would this not piss you off just a bit?

My girlfriend has done this about six times in the last month and it bugs the hell out of me. I wish it didn't because then I feel like a pathetic little wretch when I realize that I'm just sitting there looking at the clock, then the phone, then the clock again, phone again, etc. while my stomach starts twisting into knots as I contemplate what it could mean. It would be fine if she hadn't said that she was going to call, but when she says she will and then doesn't, it sends the message to me that I'm not too important, especially with that "I was tired" excuse. If sleep is more important than the one you claim to love, isn't something wrong? Hell, I don't care if she just calls and says, "I'm really tired. Can I call you later?" That, at least, would show enough care for courtesy.

Our relationship is doing well but for this one little pet peeve that she keeps aggrivating. So what would you think? Ladies, feel free to jump in there. How would you feel if your boyfriend did that?

Here's what I think.

Tell her simply, if she says she is gonna call at a certain time, she better do it........or............ that you won't wait around by the phone pathetically for her to call you. (like 15 minutes grace time) If she doesn't call at the agreed time and does it way later I wouldn't even bother trying to be around. I would make other plans with friends or what not. Its disrespectful for her to think that you are always around for her to talk. Conversation may be nice, but I don't think many men like to hang around at night waiting for their wives to call........it means she's got you on a tight leash my friend.........don't be her whipping boy (Matt makes whipping sounds).

I'm not saying be mean about it..........just make sure that she knows you are an individual who likes to do his own thing.....not sit by the phone. It doesn't sound very self-respecting, and if she doesn't agree I'd listen to what she has to say, but be leery that if she argues. It means she wants to control you a bit. (more whip sounds)


Oh, and try loosening up a bit. I know you get in knots, but those expectations will kill ya. I've had my own relationships end because we were all lovey dovey but deep down found it too stressful and because we wanted to much from each other.........losing your masculinity because of a woman makes you a shell of a man.

yeah man, back off in a big way, uh, now, or your relationship is going to expire in about 2 months or so.

anytime you're waiting for your girl to call getting all nervous and worked up and shit, you're neck deep in it and if you don't get it together quite quickly, you'll get canned.

The Post Modern wrote:Okay, if your girlfriend says she's going to call you at a specific time and then calls way later than that or not at all and then gives some excuse about being tired and just "crashing after work" (when she was supposed to call you) and she seems to have a habit of doing this, would this not piss you off just a bit?

My girlfriend has done this about six times in the last month and it bugs the hell out of me. I wish it didn't because then I feel like a pathetic little wretch when I realize that I'm just sitting there looking at the clock, then the phone, then the clock again, phone again, etc. while my stomach starts twisting into knots as I contemplate what it could mean. It would be fine if she hadn't said that she was going to call, but when she says she will and then doesn't, it sends the message to me that I'm not too important, especially with that "I was tired" excuse. If sleep is more important than the one you claim to love, isn't something wrong? Hell, I don't care if she just calls and says, "I'm really tired. Can I call you later?" That, at least, would show enough care for courtesy.

Our relationship is doing well but for this one little pet peeve that she keeps aggrivating. So what would you think? Ladies, feel free to jump in there. How would you feel if your boyfriend did that?

reminds me of somebody i know...... *cough*Alan*cough*

if you have any hot female friends, just go out and hit it.

that'll show her.

also, i recommend using a little of the old "see how you like it" trick. i'd tell her "sure baby, y'know i'ma call you at 1." and then not call.

yeah.

that would make me upset too. don't pick up if she calls later. go out. do stuff. what other people said. don't be her bitch

maybe she's screwing around behind your back.

and dude, if you are sitting around the phone waiting for her to call, you are majorly whipped.

just make sure that you let her know that her doing that make you feel unimportant to her . . . and then if you are important to her she has no justification to keep doing it.

Another good way to gauge your relationship is to test her reactions to your very reasonable complaint. If she is apathetic or does not seem to care that much then I recommend you re-evaluate the person you are with. If she does get the message............great........but the fact that it started in the first place because of her somewhat thoughtless interpretation of you is reason enough for concern.

I know I'm not loving any girl right now, but if she did that to me constantly I would make sure to disappear from her radar and find a couple good female friends to just hang out with.....no cheating though........(try and keep your code of values!! its important)

I guess I should have mentioned I have a cell phone. It's not like I'm sitting around waiting. I definitely would not do that. I keep busy with friends and personal interests.

It's just so out of line with what she expresses the rest of the time, that's what really gets me. I believe she's sincere, too, and not simply because I want to. I don't take kindly to the suggestion that I'm whipped. She's just as into me as I am into her. The idea that all relationships come down to some petty power struggle is ridiculous to me. There's no love where your main concern is control. And masculinity is not defined by a lack of caring.

I am letting her sit awhile. I am not small enough to pull the same crap on her. There's no place for stupid games like that in a serious relationship. But she can sit and stew in it awhile. I have no desire to talk to her right now anyway.

Here's an idea... why not talk to her about it?

If she says she's gonna call, she should call. Tell her this bugs you, and you two should be able to work something out.

Indeed, I knew that the path I was treading might lead to this.


I'm glad she cares........masculinity is about caring and being responsible........but its also about expressing yourself and making sure people understand you.

Anyways, I'm sure you will do what you feel is it right. Sorry for sounding patronizing and uncaring..........its not that i want you to be a cold insensitive prick..........just make sure she knows and respects your feelings.

I'm sure they can work it out........its actually a very small problem in itself. It just sometimes gives the illusion of other more important problems. But, since our boy here knows his stuff, he'll do the right thing.

Don't worry. I wasnt particularly offended and I appreciate your perspective on the issue. I have to admit I am a little touchy right now.

J-Neli wrote:Here's an idea... why not talk to her about it?

Well, that's part of the problem, really. My attempts to corner her on the issue have met with failure. She sort of brushes it aside like a non-issue. Maybe I haven't made it clear enough how not cool it is (ignore the double negative), but she should know. I've pretty much told her what I've told you.

I'm not avoiding talking to her to get back at her. That would be childish, not to mention completely out of character for me. I'm always the first one to say, "Let's talk about this," but I'm avoiding talking to her now because I don't know how to deal with this shenanigans right now. She knows what she's doing. She knows how I feel about it. I'm not going to go running to her with my heart on my sleeve when she's showing such a lack of care.

if she calls on time great, if she doesn't talk to other girls.

girls like cars and money

She just brushes it off?? Wow.......i wouldn't be too happy either. If you told her with sincerity what the problem is and she knows about it, her lack of interest surprises me.

I always wonder how you can love someone, but ignore their feelings? Its an interesting contradiction.

I don't think he needs to talk to other girls.......that will just escalate the situation and give the image that you solve your relationship problems by running to other girls. She might not like that too much.......it could damage things.


I think that you should show her what you wrote above. See the look on her face then. And showing a little anger might be the way to let her know that it does matter. If she doesn't like it..........fine, turn off your cell phone after the agreed upon time...........she can leave a message like everyone else. It saves you having to owrry about the incoming phone call and lets her know that its an unacceptable trend. I guess I get riled up when something seems unfair.

See the look on her face..... I only wish. She's thousands of miles away. It's a long distance relationship that she insisted upon despite the doubts I expressed to her early on before we had to part. I've never felt this close to anyone that I got to see every day either so I'm not about to bail over something like this.

And yet, I am definitely pissed. She said she'd call last night and didn't. I have turned off my phone too and it has taken some of the edge off my feelings in the matter. I don't care to be the one suffering over an issue that the other involved party hasn't shown much regard for. I will resolve this one way or another in time though.

I really appreciate your input. I needed to vent a little and for some reason, complete strangers seemed like the perfect people to talk to.

she doesn't seem worth the energy