ClumsyMonkey.net

alright, lets here your best jokes. uh oh, i just thought of somethin, this thread is gonna get locked quickly... therefore, no racism, sexism, or cruel jokes...

that pretty much eliminates every joke...

blonde jokes are ok though...

here's one,

Two blondes are walking in a forest. They come upon some tracks. The first blonde says "Those are deer tracks, I just know it." The second blonde says "No, those are moose tracks." Anyways, they argued and argued for hours until the train finally hit them.

I love blonde jokes.

lets hear 'em

I heart blonde jokes.

Everybody probably knows this one:

So there was a blonde, a brunette and a redhead stranded on an island. It's 20 miles to shore.

The brunette says, "I'm really fit and healthy, I'll swim to shore for help." So she dives in, swims 5 miles and drowns.

The redhead says, "I'm more fit than her, I'll swim to shore for help." So she dives in, swims 8 miles and drowns.

The blonde says, (to herself, I guess) "I'm more fit than all of them. I'll swim for help." So she jumps in, swims 10 miles, then says, "I'm tired." and turns around and swims back.

ihatethunderbay wrote:Everybody probably knows this one:

So there was a blonde, a brunette and a redhead stranded on an island. It's 20 miles to shore.

The brunette says, "I'm really fit and healthy, I'll swim to shore for help." So she dives in, swims 5 miles and drowns.

The redhead says, "I'm more fit than her, I'll swim to shore for help." So she dives in, swims 8 miles and drowns.

The blonde says, (to herself, I guess) "I'm more fit than all of them. I'll swim for help." So she jumps in, swims 10 miles, then says, "I'm tired." and turns around and swims back.

i've never heard that, that's awesome!

Did you hear about the two blondes found frozen to death at the drive in theatre?































They went to see "Closed For Winter"

that's great!!


a blonde waled into a pizza parlour and said "i'd like a medium pizza" to which the man replied "would you like that cut into 8 pieces or 12 pieces. She replied. "oh my, 8 pieces, i could never eat 12 pieces."

wildly inappropriate

ewwwww

Aww, all my funny jokes are either nonsensical or disgustingly racist. Crap.

Just put a clause first that it's racist.

EXTREMELY INAPPROPIATE JOKE AHEAD... read at own risk
Really though, if you can't take humour a little beyond the edge don't read, or if you do read, don't say i didn't warn you

How do you make a dead baby float? Two scoops of dead baby and root beer.

What's red, bubbly, and scratches at the window before exploding? A baby in the microwave.

What's worse than a truck full of dead babies? A truck full of dead babies with a live one at the bottom eating it's way through.

How many dead babies can you fit in a phone booth?

Depends if you use a wood chipper.



(Hmm.... I smell the need for a new thread...)

I don't know why but this joke makes me laugh so damn hard every time I hear it:

A woman just gave birth to her first born baby and is all happy untill the doctor comes in and informs her that her baby is not normal and healthy. So she follows the doctor into the incubator room...
She comes across a baby with no legs, and asks, "Is that my baby" and the doctor replies "No, It's much much worse", the next baby has no arms or legs, and she asks "Is that my baby" and the doctor replies "No its much much worse"....the next baby only has a head and the woman says "This must be my baby" and the doctor replies "No its much much worse"........
The final baby is just an eyeball, and the doctory says "Now this is your baby, but its gets worse......your baby is blind"

what's worse than a dead baby? a dead baby nailed to a tree.

what's worse than a dead baby nailed to a tree? 10 dead babies nailed to 1 tree.

what's worse than 10 dead babies nailed to 1 tree? 1 dead baby nailed to 10 trees.

There was a little girl named Rose, and one day she asked her mom why her name was Rose and her mother replied "Because when you were born a rose fell on your head"

There was another little girl named Daffodil, and she too asked her mom why her name was Daffodil, and her mother replied "Because when you were born a daffodil fell on your head"

One girl went up to her mom and said " Ikkeeeeee" and her mom said "Shut up Fridge"

LMFAO