College
Posted: 9/11/2003, 5:41 pm
i finally got my fucking internet to work and so i am taking full advantage of that fact. i took pictures of my room and my new posters and i also made a list of
Physical Dangers Waiting to Befall Freshmen Students at the University of Michigan
-falling backwards on your inadequately hooked loft ladder
-suffocating in a plate of beef stroganoff after tripping in the overcrowded cafeteria and falling face down into your food
-dying from the above mentioned cafeteria food poisoning
-developing a hernia due to carrying $450+ worth of books across campus
-being mauled by overly human-friendly squirrels for refusing to relinquish your bag of Doritos while crossing the Diag
-being run over while crossing State Street by some PMSing truck driver
-losing complete control of your arm muscles due to carrying 3 weeks worth of laundry all the way though the residence hall
-falling backwards down the stairs carrying said laundry back across BFE and up to the 4th floor
-dying from heat exhaustion despite sitting next to no less than 3 fans
-being mauled by "pacifist" hippies for refusing to donate to Greenpeace
-incurring 3rd degree burns from bubble tea due to angry Chinese Christians
-gouging your eyes out because its 3 in the morning and your roommate has been talking to her boyfriend in Iowa for the last 5 hours
-suffocating, trapped in a frat house bathroom with an inefficient lock system, being hit in the head by an inadequately attached frat house bedroom door, tripping on the frat house floorboards and ending up with a rusty nail in the forehead, and being raped by sophomores who spot your freshman girl bracelet that the less shady frats are required by law to enforce
-freezing to death outside at 4 in the morning during a fire drill
-permanent, debilitating insanity due to the emo girls down the hall playing bright eyes 24 hours a day with their door open
Physical Dangers Waiting to Befall Freshmen Students at the University of Michigan
-falling backwards on your inadequately hooked loft ladder
-suffocating in a plate of beef stroganoff after tripping in the overcrowded cafeteria and falling face down into your food
-dying from the above mentioned cafeteria food poisoning
-developing a hernia due to carrying $450+ worth of books across campus
-being mauled by overly human-friendly squirrels for refusing to relinquish your bag of Doritos while crossing the Diag
-being run over while crossing State Street by some PMSing truck driver
-losing complete control of your arm muscles due to carrying 3 weeks worth of laundry all the way though the residence hall
-falling backwards down the stairs carrying said laundry back across BFE and up to the 4th floor
-dying from heat exhaustion despite sitting next to no less than 3 fans
-being mauled by "pacifist" hippies for refusing to donate to Greenpeace
-incurring 3rd degree burns from bubble tea due to angry Chinese Christians
-gouging your eyes out because its 3 in the morning and your roommate has been talking to her boyfriend in Iowa for the last 5 hours
-suffocating, trapped in a frat house bathroom with an inefficient lock system, being hit in the head by an inadequately attached frat house bedroom door, tripping on the frat house floorboards and ending up with a rusty nail in the forehead, and being raped by sophomores who spot your freshman girl bracelet that the less shady frats are required by law to enforce
-freezing to death outside at 4 in the morning during a fire drill
-permanent, debilitating insanity due to the emo girls down the hall playing bright eyes 24 hours a day with their door open
