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What i Wrote when i got depressed
Posted: 7/24/2003, 12:23 am
by Rune
New Moon Twilight
When the sun goes down
I watch the night
Envelope all, and diminish sight
My mind goes blank
The cold has come
Im all alone, inside my soul
The walls close in
Inside my head
The memories come, in demonic form
They tear at me
They torment my soul
Their claws like ice, they freeze my heart
I’m all alone
We’re world apart
Posted: 7/24/2003, 11:07 am
by Solidarity 9-6347
im sorry you feel depressed but perhaps something more original?
Posted: 7/24/2003, 1:09 pm
by InnocentDe
Eh... it's more like a free form suicide poem like I saw in my 8th grade english class by all the white rich kids. I'm sorry ur depressed, but this isn't the kind of thing u want to put out as a representative of ur writing. It's okay, but like Idealist said, it's not very original. U gotta avoid the cliches, maybe use more imagry... I'm not sure WHAT happened to the structure, but that can be fixed. I dunno. it's a nice try
Posted: 7/24/2003, 4:35 pm
by Rune
hey i WAS depressed when i wrote this om not anymore i just thought i would post the first poem thingy or what ever i thought it was at the time. i know its bad hell ill admit it. but i just wanted to see what would be said about it thats all
Posted: 7/25/2003, 6:37 pm
by InnocentDe
I can understand that... I did that with my good stuff... it made me feel special. lol
Posted: 7/27/2003, 3:16 am
by I AM ME
meh, i didn't think it was THAT bad guys, i think we're all just used to the extremely talented people on the board
Posted: 7/27/2003, 3:38 am
by thirdhour
yeah, i liked the first three or four lines
