ClumsyMonkey.net

Anyone care to share?

Here's One. Its more for the "mature" crowd, if you know what I mean.

Woman In A Coma:

A woman was in a coma. Nurses were in her room giving her a
sponge bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed
that there was a response on the monitor when she touched her.
They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling
him, "Crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the
trick and bring her out of the coma."

The husband was skeptical, but they assured him that they'd close
the curtains for privacy.

The hubby finally agreed and went into his wife's room. After a
few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart
rate.

The nurses ran into the room. The husband was standing there,
pulling up his pants, and said, "I think she choked."

I have a racist one that would probably floor a lot of ya (I cried I laughed so hard) but I'm not sure if I would offend anybody...


It involves Hispanics, Asians, and African Americans.........can I tell it or should I keep it on the DL?

Put it in black text. Then people don't have to read it if they don't want to.

*Neils Disclaimer* The following, in black text, is a racist joke. I myself, did not make this one up (some of you might have heard it) so read it if ya choose or not......


What do you get when you have 3 Mexicans, 1 Asian, and 4 African Americans???


Give up!?!?


A lawn sprinkler! (spick spick spick CHINK nigga nigga nigga nigga)

Oh, that's rough...

But the disclaimer makes it better.

God I hate people who come up with racist jokes

oooh, puns

what would it be called if all the cars in a country were pink?


a pink carnation!


*groan*

So, I walked into the butcher shop the other day and the butcher said "I bet you can't reach those pieces of meat up there."
I said "I'm not betting that."
He said "Why not?"
I replied "The steaks are too high."

thats horrible!






i love it!

Call in Mister E. the pun master!

Johnathan wrote:God I hate people who come up with racist jokes

hey, I didn't "make" the joke, I'm simply putting it in the air.....

I didnt say that you made that joke up, I am simply saying that I despise people who make up racist jokes

Making Cakes


A little boy and his mother are at the zoo. He sees two giraffes mating, and asks his mother, "What are they doing?" The mother replies, "Oh, they're making cakes honey."

The next day, the little boy approaches his mom and says, "You and dad were making cakes last night." And the mother asks, "Oh, how do you know?" The kid replies, "Because I licked the icing off the sofa."

Johnathan wrote:"Because I licked the icing off the sofa."

Stomach Ache

A man with a bad stomach complaint goes to his doctor and asks
him what he can do. The doctor replies that the illness is quite
serious but can be cured by inserting a suppository up his anal
passage. The man agrees, and so the doctor warns him of the pain,
tells him to bend over and shoves the thing way up his behind.
The doctor then hands him a second dose and tells him to do the
same thing in six hours.

So, the man goes home and later that evening tries to get the
second suppository inserted, but he finds that he cannot reach
himself properly to obtain the required depth. He calls his wife
over and tells her what to do. The wife nods, puts one hand on
his shoulder to steady him and with the other shoves the medicine
home.

Suddenly the man screams, "AHHH"

"What's the matter?" asks the wife. "Did I hurt you?"

"No," replies the man, "but I just realized that when the doctor
did that, he had BOTH hands on my shoulders!"



Believe me its there

If that doesn't ruin your day..............

Construction

There are three construction workers who eat lunch together everyday. A dark-haired guy, a red head, and a blonde guy. They all sit down for lunch on the top of a building that they were working on. The dark-haired guy opens his lunch and sees that his wife had packed him tuna again, his least favorite food. They were having troubles at home and he knew that she was doing this to torture him. He jumped off the building and killed himself. The red head guy opens his lunch and sees that his wife packed him salad, his least favorite. He too was having troubles with his marriage, and decided to kill himself. The blonde guy opens his lunch and sees a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, his least favorite sandwich. He too decides to kill himself.

At the funeral, their wives are all standing and talking together. The dark-haired guy's wife says, "Oh I can't believe I did this to him. I actually caused him to kill himself." The red-head says" Oh I know, I feel so terrible too." They are both crying. The blonde's wife says, "Don't look at me, he packed his own lunch!"

Johnathan wrote:Making Cakes


A little boy and his mother are at the zoo. He sees two giraffes mating, and asks his mother, "What are they doing?" The mother replies, "Oh, they're making cakes honey."

The next day, the little boy approaches his mom and says, "You and dad were making cakes last night." And the mother asks, "Oh, how do you know?" The kid replies, "Because I licked the icing off the sofa."

oh man. i think i'm gonna be sick now

^^