ClumsyMonkey.net

YOU GOTTA READ THIS CANADIAN ARTICLE....


NO GO CANADA?

Editors Note: This article was written by two on staff Canadians in retort to Canadian propaganda and spam oriented emails that are circulating. While I agree for the most part, I am sure that there is a more peaceful solution. Like possibly not sending out spam to begin with that is offensive to either country. Canada turns to the U.S. far too often for support they are not getting from Britain so please, facts remain, there is a lot going on up there that isn't right. Like it or not, don't blame me.

Interesting how we don't have to send each other emails trying to make ourselves feel better for living in a country that depends on the one below it for everything and yet still try to stake claim to creating it all either like you do up there. Maple breaths, if you can only muster the energy to send unfounded Canadian 'history' spams then at least realize the rest of the world laughs at you and you don't even realize how wrong you are about all this nonsense. After living in the U.S. I now know how wrong all the things you think are right actually are.

Canada supposedly PUSHED against the U.S. in 1812? Ok, and you're the one still paying tribute to the Queen! That's who we fought! You surrendered! You ran! Yeah, you babies ran for your lives when we went to war for freedom. You guys now pay 3 times the taxes we do... Smart move. And Canada didn't even get an official flag until the mid 60's.

I know you use finger bowls up there and Americans do not but that's because Americans think it's rude to eat with your fingers. They also chew with our mouths shut. Don't believe everything that you see on TV, much of it is meant to be a joke. But you can't tell the difference because you're not that well equipped as Canadian television misleads you. Why? If you knew the truth, you'd leave. Who goes to Canada for vacation anyhow? Only other Canadians or people who want to spend 2 dollars for every one they own in America. YOU come here to the U.S and the Americans go to real countries. Canadian pride is one thing, but you're truly clueless. Whistler? Please, try Aspen. Cuba? Come on. Be serious.

I suppose you think you invented the television too despite 80% of your TV being American. And the next time you watch that "I am Canadian" video, listen to the song in the background... It's American... Same as the actor in the clip.... He is American. And guess where it was filmed. Burbank. Go figure! Oh Canada! Oh No!

About sleeping with your kinship... How do you think the chicken immigrants who ran with their feathers in a bunch up to Canada multiplied, EH? You really ought to do a little more research, get out a bit, stop believing what you want to believe, get out of your basement apartment and look around instead of depending upon your Canadian heresy. And the next time the Canadian PM is on TV here apologizing for Canadian behavior, pay attention to it. What is your army called? Your air force? Your navy? American....

And can you prove those sports were Canadian made? No, you actually cannot. All you'll find is a Canadian written reference to it. If Canadian they are in fact made, why are all things American owned? You're clever enough to make something but not clever enough to make the money to own it? Hockey is European folks. So is basketball....

Oooh, and what else I have discovered here is that much like the fellow Canadians you treat as heroes that become famous in American.... Note, they had to LEAVE CANADA to succeed. They couldn't make a dime there. They were smart enough to LEAVE so they could earn a living.... And yet you brag about them ad how much Canada has to offer... And get over the Olympic win. Winning once every 100 years at a game you claim you created is humiliating.

Apple trees were brought to Canada by Americans. Look it up. Mr Dress Up was an American. Look it up. The Canadian French didn't surrender to Germany cause they ran like sissies just like your other ancestors did in 1812. Your civil war still exists between Quebec and the rest of your country and while we had someone sleep through a battle, he was nothing more than another Canadian...

Plaid isn't cool, its what poor people wear. "We invented ski-doos, jet-skis, velcro, zippers, insulin, penicillin, zambonis, the telephone and short wave radios that save countless lives each year." Laughs, NO you didn't. You really think because there is a company in Canada manufacturing something that you invented it? I suppose General Motors is yours too!

"We ALL have frozen our tongues to something metal and lived to tell about it." WELL doesn't THAT show how smart you are? "Oh yeah... and our elections only take one day." So do ours. If you want to rattle on people for something that happens once in their history, maybe you should do something historical on your own first. I am almost embarrassed to be Canadian because the majority of you behave no better than the people you're criticizing.

When you have something that holds water, send it out, until then, get a grip. Canada is a welfare based, borderline 3rd world nation and you cant fight your way out of a nap sack let alone an email. Save your tough words for face to face meetings. Hiding behind a computer only protects you momentarily. Try running your mouth to the border patrol, customs or whomever else you meet on the way into the U.S. and then let's see how powerful you are. You wont say a word because you're not all you want to pretend you are.

But you will come to America... To buy clothes, to be entertained, to seek warmth and when your country needs resources, or when the PM comes here begging for it. If you're so great, prove it, set an example. Provide jobs for your unemployed, its the lowest rate in the Americas. Including South America. Your taxes are the highest in the Americans and the Canadian dollar isn't worth 50 cents on a good day. How great is that.

I would close this with "Go U.S." but you spend your life wishing you were more like Americans anyway. That's enough to make my decision to move here complete. Knowing how much better I am without needing to send emails to all my "American" friends to prove it seals it for me.

P.S. This isn't Don Lemmon venting, it isn't his Canadian wife and it's not his Canadian graphics man. But knowing Don is surrounded by Canadians, I hoped he would print this. Thank you Don if you do.

Editor's Note: Sorry folks, I won't tell you who it is and I won't accept your hate mail. My father lived in Canada, my wife is from Canada and a umber of my closest friends are Canadian. I just found this interesting....

Canadian apology to the States, written by Rick Mercer:

On behalf of Canadians everywhere I'd like to offer an apology to the United States of America. We haven't been getting along very well recently and for that, I am truly sorry.

I'm sorry we called George Bush a moron. He is a moron but, it wasn't nice of us to point it out. If it's any consolation, the fact that he's a moron shouldn't reflect poorly on the people of America. After all it's not like you actually elected him.

I'm sorry about our softwood lumber. Just because we have more trees than you doesn't give us the right to sell you lumber that's cheaper and better than your own.

I'm sorry we beat you in Olympic hockey. In our defense I guess our excuse would be that our teams were much, much, much, much better than yours.

I'm sorry we burnt down your white house during the war of 1812. I notice you've rebuilt it! It's Very Nice. I'm sorry about your beer. I know we had nothing to do with your beer but, we Feel your Pain.

I'm sorry about our waffling on Iraq. I mean, when you're going up against a crazed dictator, you wanna have your friends by your side. I realize it took more than two years before you guys pitched in against Hitler, But that was different. Everyone knew he had weapons.

And finally on behalf of all Canadians, I'm sorry that we're constantly apologizing for things in a passive aggressive way which is really a thinly veiled criticism. I sincerely hope that you're not upset over this.

We've seen what you do to countries you get upset with.

Thank you.

We pay more taxes because we have socialized health care, which most all of us we consider an enormous upshot to living here.

Venom wrote:The article says you are at the BOTTEM of industrialized countries in healthcare.

Venom wrote:The article says you are at the BOTTEM of industrialized countries in healthcare. Like it or not I was right again! Your healthcare system sucks. End of story.