ClumsyMonkey.net

Posted: **10/20/2002, 11:58 pm**

A place for prose, etc.

This is something that popped into my head yesterday. It's not done yet, nowhere close, but I thought you guys might be interested. It's my first time trying to write from the viewpoint of a male, though the fact that he's male doesn't really come into the story yet. It's writen in the form of a journal or diary of sorts. Feedback is appreciated.

My name's Adam.

Mom and dad decided to call it quits on their marriage. I'm not surprised. My little sister locked herself in her room for a while. Neither of them cared enough to bother with her. Dad would just have gotten angry with her anyway, and mom . . . well. I talked to my sister for a bit and she seems ok now.

(part that I haven't writen yet)

Dad's never really been nice to me or my sister. He's beat me up a couple of times. But it was him or mom.

(another part I haven't writen yet)

My new stepmom is 20. I'm 18. I never really liked her anyway. Though I think she tried to like me, at least superficially. This should be interesting.

My stepmom tried to engage me in conversation today. Then she got mad at my sister for something. She yelled, even mom didn't yell. I told her to shut up. She said something to the effect of "grounding" me which I ignored completely.

Tony and James dropped by, even after I told them not to. I think they care. Idiots. My stepmom was smily and nice. It was disgusting.

My teacher called me the cornerstone of apathy. Who does he think he is?

I visited mom. The court says I'm supposed to every once in a while. It was going ok until she started her old shit on me again. I left, I don't think I said goodbye.

My little sister drew a hot bath today, took a knife in with her and locked the door. I am so glad she chickened out. She made me promise not to tell dad. I made her promise in return to come to me if she feels like that again. I'm really glad she came out of there.

. . . more at a later date

Posted: **10/21/2002, 10:32 am**

Seems close at sometimes but some parts are to stereotypical

Posted: **10/21/2002, 2:44 pm**

I like this story, it kinda seems like Adam and his sister are much more a family than anyone else in the family, i would also like you to throw in their someplace of how old Adam's sister is.

Posted: **10/21/2002, 2:49 pm**

Posted: **10/21/2002, 2:50 pm**

why are you laughing?

Posted: **10/21/2002, 3:28 pm**

LIAM wrote: i would also like you to throw in their someplace of how old Adam's sister is.

i just thought it was kinda funny.

Posted: **10/21/2002, 3:28 pm**

Posted: **10/21/2002, 3:29 pm**

nevermind. just my strange sense of humor.

Posted: **10/21/2002, 3:32 pm**

Posted: **10/21/2002, 3:33 pm**

that's what i thought. :evil:

Posted: **10/21/2002, 3:34 pm**

Posted: **10/21/2002, 4:50 pm**

Clumsyboy wrote:some parts are to stereotypical

What parts?

Posted: **10/22/2002, 2:35 pm**

Lynnever wrote:Dad's never really been nice to me or my sister. He's beat me up a couple of times. But it was him or mom.

Lynnever wrote:I visited mom. The court says I'm supposed to every once in a while.

Lynnever wrote:She made me promise not to tell dad. I made her promise in return to come to me if she feels like that again. I'm really glad she came out of there

And why is he staying with his dad if his dad is the abusive one?

All said and done, I think you've got a good idea for a starter. Be careful to avoid running through all the old over-rehashed cliches though, which i think is what Clumsyboy was trying to say

Posted: **10/22/2002, 2:37 pm**

I also think some of the things you put into your starter should be like middle leading to the climax type stuff... i really like it though, i was thinking about it all day today... plus i have a friend named adam.

Posted: **9/29/2003, 9:26 pm**

Reviving old thread . . . .

It was a small gathering in the car. Just her mom, her and Mark. They had wnated to leave Mark behind, but he had insisted. She was glad he came, even if she didn't think he had a reason to still want to be around her.

He was still here. She had dragged him through hell, but he was still sitting beside her now. But his eyes had changed. They were back to the dead-and-haunted look they had the day she and Mark had first met. She hadn't wanted to bring this upon him, she just didn't know how to stop it.

As they got out of the car and started walking to the clinic the urge to run came over her again. All she really wanted to do was hide in a corner and stop time so she could deal with what she had done, both to herself and to others. She wanted to scream "I'm fine, I'm ok now." even though she knew she wasn't. She stopped and stared at the clinic with it's brick walls and neat garden and she knew that she did regret living.

She felt Mark's arm around her waist. "It's alright," he said. He brushed the hair back from her face. "I'm here with you." She tugged at the bandages that were still on her wrists and they continued walking.

I think it's probably too cliche again. Suggestions would be appreciated.

ClumsyMonkey.net

Prose etc.

Prose etc.