ClumsyMonkey.net

Yeah, I know it didn't need it's own topic, but I wanna work on this, and I want feedback on how to improve it, so yeah, read and comment. Please?

I have it all in writing, about how you loved my embrace
Feelings of euphoria, and how you miss the way I taste
My fingers drove you crazy, and the distance made you go insane
My humor brought you to tears, which explains why I am in pain
You signed the letter saying you'd love me forever
You stabbed me in the back piercing a hole in my heart
But you weren't there to patch the hole with the tether
That tells me that we're over, and indicates the start
Another fucked up fling between, healthy love and love so obscene
That the world becomes a great blur, that we cannot see each other
But I know it will be better, once you write another letter
And this time you've left me waiting for months for your word
The phone calls become sparse, scattered, and quite painful
Happiness is feigned and I wish I never heard
Your voice, but I'll run right back because you're beautiful
Another fucked up fling between, healthy love and love so obscene
That the world becomes a great blur, that we cannot see each other
But I know it will be better, once you write another letter


Please please please comment.

Scared the shit out of me.

Ummm, how did it scare the shit out of you? You have to give feedback to what you're saying....

well when i read alot of these my mind goes in deiiferent directions and all i could see in that part about getting stabbed in the back is someone litteraly getting stabbed in the back and blood spitting everywhere and his heart falls out, it was really graphic... i didn't think i should give the feedback...

me too.

kinda seems very similar to Dashboard...
the line "You signed the letter saying you'd love me forever" is extremely close to a line in Screaming Infidelities... I dunno if it was subconcious or what...

either way it's good stuff

Alan's going to be the next Conor Oberst

Guh, I hate Screaming Infidelities....I have to change that how. And no one here knows who Conor Oberst is, so yeah, maybe I really am him?

sure i do.

he's from bright eyes.

OK, you're one of the very few who have even heard of Bright Eyes, so I wouldn't expect people to know who he was.

Alan, dear, you never would've heard of Bright Eyes if it wasn't for me.

good stuff. I try to write stuff like that but it never comes out that good.

by the way can you get the Bright Eyes cd in any or are they only a Detroit area band?

Bright Eyes is from Omaha, Nebraska I bought their newest cd, "Lifted," from Best Buy, but you can probably get the rest of them from your local record store, or try www.saddlecreek.com.

I recommend "Fevers and Mirrors." Words can't describe the brillance of this cd. Bright Eyes is highly addicting, though, so unless you want to listen to BE for hours on end, or have songs streaming through your head 24/7, don't listen. Conor has to be one of the best songwriters of this generation. I wish more people knew about this band.

Yes Bethany, people know that you told me about Bright Eyes, you don't have to remind them