ClumsyMonkey.net

New Song I Wrote Earlier, its very different from some of my others that i've said is very different:

Be The One

Reason With Me
About Disgrace
Leave Me, Hurt Me
I'll Never See Your ways

But i'll never drown before
I'll Never feel this downpoor
And I'll feel trapped behind this door
BUt I can give more, i can give more.

We feel the same
about eachother
but we'll always give more
to another

But I'll be happy either way
cause i was the one to slip away
and i know you still love my face
but i'll fall from grace, i'll fall from grace

I'll Be the one to say i'm sorry
I'll Be The One to say i love you
I'll Be the one with the open arms
Just clime into them-U huh oh

I know We faught
i know we'll fight
we'll have to work it out
over night

I'll feel better any way
i can make it much more right
and I can feel us moving inside of eachother
If i say sorry tonight, sorry tonight

I'll Be the one to say i'm sorry
I'll Be The One to say i love you
I'll Be the one with the open arms
Just clime into them-u huh oh

I'll Be the one to say i'm sorry
I'll Be The One to say i love you
I'll Be the one with the open arms
Just clime into them

REPLY DAMMIT!... sorry... *gives puupy eyes* pweese wepwy... (please reply)

oh wow no mistakes... thats new....

good stuff (sorry didnt reply sooner, havint been on in a day or so) but ya it is different then your previous stuff...Overall it sounds great, but if you want a lil bit of constructive criticism then i'll offer it and you can take it which ever way you want... Some of the rhymes seem kinda forced, like you were searching hard for a rhyme, and it makes it somewhat noticeable (i do the same thing, it's hard to avoid sometimes) Like for example in the second verse using the "-ore" sound to finish each line, i think you coulda used some endings that don't have the -ore sound but are similar, you know what i mean? keep it up though, it's getting better

ok thanks, and your right about the rhymes... i was really tired yesterday...

i'll have to work on it

Here's another new one its my 77th song that i've written to my computer

I'm Sorry To You All

And as a man reads from the bible
a new man is born
A soul is taken away
a crowd of broken trust
No one wants to remember this day forever
But everyone will
I'm so sorry that i couldn't please you
i guess i never will

I'm sorry to my friends,
I broke a promise
I'm sorry to my friends,
I couldn't make it right
I'm sorry to my mom
I wasn't strong enough
I'm sorry to my dad
I never grew up to be a man with you

I never knew i meant this much
Now why are you crying for me
I never knew i meant this much
You don't need to be wearing black-for me

If i were there, i'd wipe those tears away
If i were there, i'd help you get away
If I were there, None of you would cry
Cause If i were there, you'd be so much happier
If I were there, I'd help you fell better
If I were There, I'd help you get through
If I were there, I'd be comforting everyone
and if I were there, you'd know that i was wrong

Well i'm sorry to my friends
who i'll never see again
And I'm Sorry To My Mom
She'll never see me succeed
I'm Sorry to you all
Who i have let down
I'm Sorry To this crowd
I would have made you all proud

I could have been there for you
when you wanted me too
I could have made it all better
could have lived a full life
I still love you all to peices
especially for coming today
i still love you all
I never got to see at all

I thank you all for coming today
I thank you all for mourning the loss
I'm sorry to all you for making you cry
I'm sorry I never knew i was this wrong.

I guess I miss the smile
of my mom and Dad
I guess their in a denile
because I took my life
I never knew i was this loved
I never knew at all
But when you all came today
I guess i have failed,

Well i'm sorry to my friends
who i'll never see again
And I'm Sorry To My Mom
She'll never see me succeed
I'm Sorry to you all
Who i have let down
I'm Sorry To this crowd
I would have made you all proud
______________________________________

LIAM wrote:I guess their in a denile

"I guess they're in denial"

Grammatical errors aside, I really like it.

your songs make me want to cry They're so sad...

most of mine end that way, i can't write when i'm happy, if i start one out happy it always turns out depressing or cynical

^ thats how I am. Even though I have a few happier songs.

I've really been trying to write that really meaningful song that would go acoustic or with a piano. Like Matchbox 20 -3AM and Edwin McCain-Solitude

Wow, it really does mean alot, (I just reread and analyzed alot) its one of those, you don't know what you got til its gone, type of songs. WOW

I think this is kind of happy.*drum role* #78-

Even Today

A, Tree Tops,
Stirling Wonder
Some Way
never die of hunger

Right Girl,
Your Underpaid
Rain Drop,
Ends the parade

Every Day I Think I Wonder
Every Day I Wish I Wander
if she holds tomorrow
I hope she comes today
If She Hold my fate
I hope she gets away

Even today with all this horror
We can always wish that it would stop
Even today with all your bittersweet men
We have hope, we could make it to the end

Big Bills
never appreciate
Happiness
Never comes this way

Small house
four walls and roof is all
Right Girl
always be able to call

Every Day I Think I Wonder
Every Day I Wish I Wander
if she holds tomorrow
I hope she comes today
If She Hold my fate
I hope she gets away

Even today with all this horror
We can always wish that it would stop
Even today with all your bittersweet men
We have hope, we could make it to the end

Hope is in the room with us
she sits down in all of us
Hope, she keeps us alive
She knows... why we arrive

Every Day I Think I Wonder
Every Day I Wish I Wander
if she holds tomorrow
I hope she comes today
If She Hold my fate
I hope she gets away

Even today with all this horror
We can always wish that it would stop
Even today with all your bittersweet men
We have hope, we could make it to the end

Thats really good
I'm sure if i were the crying type I'd be sobbing uncontrolably right now LOL
I think you did a great job of getting your message across, it was really awesome

really. Wow I wrote that in a span of about 3 minutes, 4 tops. I just put someting together. I got that. Thanks though, i truly love the support you's give me.

And Now number 79:

Stay Away

Sickness pretty, and humane
Flirting disaster, going insane
justifying reason, great intent
We all thought you, were heaven sent

Did You want to come and play?
Did You want to see what i had to say?
Do you ever wake up in your bed
Feeling motion sickness in your head

My Head Playing self Defence
My mind hitting consequence
My heart still knows whats true and
It told me to stay away from you-Oh

In my dreams, I can fly
everyone's happy, and no one cries
A picture perfect, hollywood
stay away, like you should

Did You want to come and play?
Did You want to see what i had to say?
Do you ever wake up in your bed
Feeling motion sickness in your head

My Head Playing self Defence
My mind hitting consequence
My heart still knows whats true and
It told me to stay away from you-Oh

I'm leaving you
I was a fool
To think that you would come and save me

I'm leaving you
I was a fool
To stay away from what i knew was right
from what i knew was right
what i knew is right
is right

(music stops)

Did You want to come and play?
Did You want to see what i had to say?
Do you ever wake up in your bed
Feeling motion sickness in your head

(music starts)

Did You want to come and play?
Did You want to see what i had to say?
Do you ever wake up in your bed
Feeling motion sickness in your head

Did You want to come and play?
Did You want to see what i had to say?
Do you ever wake up in your bed
Feeling motion sickness in your head

My Head Playing self Defence
My mind hitting consequence
My heart still knows whats true and
It told me to stay away from you

i would love a post. please post.

LIAM wrote:If She Hold my fate

"If she holds my fate" ?

I really liked the wonder/wander effect and how you personified Hope. The poem that I'm working on now has Hope personified in it as well.

thanks,

this number 80, it doesn't have a name yet but, i'm gonna let you read it.

Your still here, waiting for me
breaking back, can't seem to make things work
I can't just lay back for you
thats just not what i do

Hold back, your questions for me
make ends meet, i didn't want to come today
but since you did send them here for me
i guess ill go just for that

I'm here for you, not nearly at all
can't you see what got me here at all
I'll admit, that i still care
but thats more than what i can bare
Can't you tell me whats gone wrong
can't you say what i'm here for
I'll just let you know one thing is true
that if you love me I still love you too

(I always lay back on answers
I always let you go free
I always settle down first)
Before... I can make ends meet

Now that you've gotten my attension
Your ready to let me know all the answers
if its that your sorry for me
I guess its just another mishap

I'm here for you, not nearly at all
can't you see what got me here at all
I'll admit, that i still care
but thats more than what i can bare
Can't you tell me whats gone wrong
can't you say what i'm here for
I'll just let you know one thing is true
that if you love me I still love you too

(I always lay back on answers
I always let you go free
I always settle down first)
Before... I can make ends meet

You show me, that pretty pretty ring
you break down, right infront of me
you want to know if this should end
ask me because i'm your best friend

I'm here for you, not nearly at all
can't you see what got me here at all
I'll admit, that i still care
but thats more than what i can bare
Can't you tell me whats gone wrong (You show me, that pretty pretty ring)
can't you say what i'm here fo (you break down, right infront of me )
I'll just let you know one thing is true(you want to know if this should end )
that if you love me I still love you too(ask me because i'm your best friend )

I'm here for you, not nearly at all
can't you see what got me here at all
I'll admit, that i still care
but thats more than what i can bare
Can't you tell me whats gone wrong
can't you say what i'm here for
I'll just let you know one thing is true
that if you love me I still love you too