ClumsyMonkey.net

Yea that's right the man who said Canada is the greatest place on earth has just been delt a slap in the face by none other than the Toronto Film Maker Commission.

So I'm flipping through the movies to watch in Cinemax and come across a movie called "Last Night"

"Beleiveing the worls about to end, a diverse group of Toronto citizens try to make the most of their final hours."

Toronto?? Nothing bad could ever come out of Toronto!!
Play! Play! Play!

So the scene opens with that Sanda O chick from Desperate Grey's Antamous Housewives or whatever driving down a city street. MOst notably a "Pizza Pizza" sign cathes my eye.

That's a Toronto pizza place I hear about all the time on the Edge!! I see their billboards on the dashes at hockey games!! Woo Canada!!!

So what's her dopey face goes into this destered conveince store grabbing whats left there is to grab. Outside a group of street hoodlums tip over her AMC Pacer so she can't get home. She's obviosuly distrought and breaks down with an even dopier (I'm sure "dopier" isn't a word but critisize me another time grammar natzi's I'm on a rant here) overacting look on her face.

Forward onto another part of the movie: The president or whatever of the Gas company has a long computer printout list of every customer and their phone #'s. He's calling everyone telling them basically ' Thanks for being a customer. We'll keep the gas flowing as long as possible. Merry end of the world.'

Thing is by now they should be getting to WHY the world is ending?
I mean is the Sun going to explode?
Is there an asteriod on a collision course for earth?
Did the terrorists finally win?

No they don't tell you.

They proceed to thell the story of some guy who wants to bang as many women as possible. Unfortunatley their all ugly. As a guy I really don't mind uncessary sex scenes. But as aforementioned they were ugly. Even worse he tries to make a move on the main guy character torwards the end. WTF? I don't wanna see that. Who the hell would want that in the first place. You might as well just go ass to mouth before you do that. (And as we all learned from Clerks: "You never go ass to mouth."

So in the end main character guy and Nurse Sappy Face are together for their final hour on earth.

At this point their all telling each others their life story and then maybe I'm realizing that this is some sort of scam. Maybe the world isn't really going to end. Maybe the Scientologists were wrong. Maybe the clock will continue past midnight and the world will continue on as normal.

But how can things go on being normal after all these earth shatting secrets have been unveild. Unspeakable acts have been acted upon. Lives have been forever changed. How will normal life ever go on after this sham has been revealed.

Well in the end both main characters agree just to commit suicide and shoot each other at the last second.

So as the drama unfolds they do this who slow motion thing while the camera cricles the two holding guns to their respective heads. They stare into each others eyes which are now welling up with tears untill they finally break down and kiss each other at the stroke of midnight.

And then what happens your asking in desperate anticipation of the ultimate doomsday scenario?

Did the 3 horsemen gallop in holding boomboxes over their shoulders playing "The Final Countdown"?

Did the Heavens Gate UFO appear from behind HaleBopps comet trail and wipe out the entire population (Aside from those who drank the magic kool-aid and we're resting peacefull in their beds wearing their Nikes proudly)?

NO.

These damn Canucks had the guall to jsut end the movie right there.

Yea, that's right. Teh whole feather stylus pen scrolled across the screen writing FIN while the credits started to roll.

No skyscrapers crumbling to the ground. No fireballs spitting from every volcano on earth. No explanation whatsoever as to why or how the world ended.

Just fade to balck and roll credits.

WTF is the matter with you Toronto Association of Filmakers Commission?!?!

I beleive Comic Book Guy said it best:
"WORST ENDING EVER!!"

*sigh*
Maybe it's only one movie. I mean everyone makes a mistake right?

Let me google up and see what else has been made by these fruads.

Oh what's this?
Ray Romano and Gene Hackman stars in 'Welcome to Mooseport' ????

Excuse me while I go slip on my purple armband and drink me some of that Kool-Aid. See you all on Utopia guys!! For those left behind I'll be sure put in a good word with Tom Cruise for you.

Ummmm. Ok.

What?

What the hell

too long...my attention span could not be held

Hahaha that was funny.

Wow. haha.

By Canadian cinema standards, it's really not a bad little film..

um. there's way worse movies out there.

by the sounds of things, it seems like the movie is focusing more on the human, emotional aspects at the prospect of the end of everything. there doesn't need to be an explanation of what happens, there doesn't need to be a big bang at the end.

and as you said, the synopsis said they believe the world is about to end. believe. doesn't mean knowing it for surely will happen. and it also focuses on the citizens in the synopsis...

i haven't seen this movie, but to me, from what i got out of your rant and the short synopsis, it focuses on the emotions and actions of the characters. there's been tons of movies made about this or that ending the world. the reasons for the world ending have been explored a lot throughout movie history. it's not that bad for a movie to skip over how the world came to an end, and focus on the people involved. it almost sounds refreshing. it's to the point where we don't need another asteroid, another alien, another zombie, another big bang.

so. to summarize - you may not have liked the movie. that's fine. we all have opinions. now, i don't know if you have to criticize the Canadian film industry quite so badly. trust me, there's worse out there. so you didn't like it. that's not the Toronto film maker commission's fault.

those damn canucks you refer to? maybe they thought for their purposes, it was the best ending. frauds? not quite. movies are allowed to end differently than how you want. WTF is the matter with them? nothing! a movie was made. and it's allowed to have whatever kind of ending and plot the creators like. i'm sure that worse movies have been made.

really, i don't see how canada failed you cause you caught one movie you didn't like. if you delve into canadian films, i'm sure you'll find tooooooons more you don't like, and just as many, if not more, that you do like. this rant was a bit much for just one movie you didn't like, and didn't warrant it's own thread. we do have a 'last movie you watched' thread, and your opinion could have been voiced in there. minus the unnecessarily insulting rant.

and where the hell did the cult/scientology stuff come from? i'm not sure what you're trying to get at, but i know that out of everything you've said, that was the most unnecessary. it'd be great if you could explain that last bit to me as i appear to be missing something.

okay kicker, first of all, that was painful to read... the amazing abundance of spelling and grammatical errors! ouch! I think that kind of hurt the opinion's validity. I kept getting distracted.

That being said though, one thing you have to realize about Canadian films is... well... they mostly SUCK. Not all, there are a few gems, but Canada doesn't have the budgets the USA can acquire, so you're almost always looking at the indie films in Canada being the gems I'm speaking of. Which doesn't say much because compared to US films, they'll almost all seem independent, even ones that have what would be considered a substantial budget (in Canadian budget terms at least).

The thing about that though... is they're not playing to audiences of millions of people. Where the big studios who control the money and are providing the millions of dollars to make the movie such as in the US film industry are the be all to end all. The studio big wigs often get the final say, even over directors and producers because they're putting up all the cash! So, in US films, you'll get the ending mainstream audiences want to see, perhaps the ending of what really happened, if the earth exploded or whatever because it's going to usually be seen by a huge audience and upsetting that audience means poor sales or reviews/feedback, which means no return in revenue, which = failure from a studio's standpoint.

In Canadian film however, they can do pretty much whatever they want, not entirely from a production perspective because the money's not there to have that sort of freedom, but in a story-telling sense they have way more freedoms to tell stories differently than what you'll see coming out of Hollywood. Including ending it differently than what is common to audiences of studio/mainstream film. The truth is, even independent US films, actually indie films in general will have downer endings or things you're not going to be used to if you're preference is mainstream/studio big budget Hollywood movies.

I'm sorry you didn't like it, I can't tell you my opinion of the film because I haven't seen it, but to be honest, even if it is bad, like a lot of Canadian work is unfortunately and if you're not into how the film was set up in general, that style including the ending, you're probably not going to be a person who will want to be watching most independent films. It just won't be your cup of tea so to speak.

Don't say Canada let you down though... I could probably show you a hell of a lot worse than what you saw. Then again, there's still the other side of the coin... Fubar anyone? How about some Cronenberg?

...and that's only the beginning of that list.

So you watched a Skinamax flick and it sucked? No need for the long description. You could have summarized it by saying:

I watched a Skinamax flick about some people in Toronto last night. It had no real plot other than a dude scoring and some girl on girl action.

If you said more than that, I missed it when I stopped reading after 5 lines.

Nice one boss. *thumb*

*thumb*
*index finger*
*pinky*

Gee sorry you people can't handle sarcasm.

that was well beyond the point of sarcasm. as i said before, it was insulting and attacking.

sarcasm is 'wow, that movie was awesome. i mean, no explanation, no good ending? that's exactly how i like my movies!'. what we got was a massive rant about 'those damn canucks' 'those frauds', and wanting to know 'WTF is wrong with them'.

yup. best written display of sarcasm i've ever seen. really.

you're a meanie laurel!

I just told it like it is. that's the way indie stuff is yo.

but you go all into the sarcasm stuff, you're scarier than marv albert.

seriously though, from the title of the thread it did seem like you were attacking canadian film, which is actually okay with me, but attacking canadians in general, that wouldn't go over so well.

...and pizza pizza makes pretty bad pizza!

Wow. What an overreaction.

My poop hurt so badly last night; it had to have been the closest thing to a male giving birth.

Now there's an overreaction!

myownsatellite wrote:Now there's an overreaction!

Nooo! Ugh....I should've taken a picture of that big boy with my camera. That fucker hurt. I literally had to sit there and push like 4 different times and it still wasn't out!