ClumsyMonkey.net

I hate freaking out. I feel like i might tonight and i don't really wanna

Is anyone else as emotionally unstable as me? Just curious. Post here.

sometimes. and the worst part is when you know you're freaking out but no matter what you do to calm down, you can't control it. that always makes me feel so trapped.

Yes. I have anxiety ISSUES hardcore, even though they are much more subdued than years, even months ago. sigh.


I have been drinking a lot latley, whenever possible, it just feels so fucking good to feel soooo relaxed..... and it sounds horrible but its almost like i want something bad to happen in a sense. Well, more like a risk, instead of "something bad" like oh sarah got drunk and uh oh and years later its kinda funny after therapy or something like that


I also have this strong urge to always cut myself and its freakin weird because that used to be a problem. used to be. Then all of a sudden it came back and im like wtf? The reasons are all different now too.... if any at all...

*breathes*

I'm going to leave this thread before I say something that gets me in trouble... do do dooo.

whenever that happens, just try to tell yourself to relax. sometimes that doesn't work for me, sometimes it does. if it doesn't, take out your stress on something that isn't going to hurt you. funny as it sounds i find pillow-bashing a great way for that to happen. and there are a lot of other ways you can feel relaxed without drugs or booze or anything...sometimes the scented candle crap DOES work. just try hard NOT to turn to something that will hurt you. talking helps a great deal.

Maybe i should restate my post.

Ive been to alot of therapy and in all honesty i am a veryyyyy positive person. Its just once in awhile im like *ree ree ree psycho!* but its all to myself and not to other people lol

That probably makes sense only in my head

ive done the cutting thing, and I take muscle relaxers *klonopin* before bed because i have restless leg "syndrome"

Which reminds me i havent taken that yet. Its really low dose, i take 1 mg - most of the pill is a placebo. They give hundreds of MG of this drug to parkinsins disease patients.

but yeah i do yoga i meditate, i pray unashamedly and I play violin, i also draw, write, listen to slipknot when i get angry and stuff like that too... or i come here and talk about things

strangly enough i have been obsessed with looking at SI pictures. Instead of actually doing it, the action of viewing these pictures is sorta like looking at my own wounds i guess?

Theres an excersise my friend taught me was to write on your arms or whatever with a red marker, its just a symbolization thing. I used to wrote NO on myself lol.

This is turning out to be a long post. btw i do have scented candles. I should take a nice bath.. but i just took a shower today... lol

I think i'll always love the booze though. I dont drink every day or anything, its more like every month or so but for me thats a lot seeing as how i hadnt drank until i turned 18 lol

In the past 3 months lets say ive gotten drunk, like... druuuuuuuuuunk, about 6 times? including new years heh

J-Neli wrote:I'm going to leave this thread before I say something that gets me in trouble... do do dooo.

Why would it get you in trouble? I'm just curious now.

how old are you?

19. I'll be 20 in july. I'm also a cancer.

So im a suckerhearted animal loving water dwelling mommy-figure who loves food and family

I also work at an alcohol/chemical dependancy outpatient clinic's office. That might be why I think i'm drinking "alot lately". lol.

that's nice.

Are you in high school? university?

Im a sophomore in college, im attempting to double major in digital arts

Multimedia

and

Graphic Art and Design

ok

lol are you trying to keep me distracted? cuz its working










*hugs*




I also kinda wanted a freak out thread anyway. To see if anyone else freaks out once in awhile like me lol

I don't usually freak out much. Usually the people I know that freak out are on another board.

just freak out let it go.

this is so going to turn into another one of those threads.

omg. u mean the kind where giraffes come out to play?!

i bought a giraffe today at the craft store.

omg! gimme it!