ClumsyMonkey.net

WrldsAsubway wrote::lol: im so horrible..hahaha

Lando wrote:<Hal_Johnson> this place is dead
<Hal_Johnson> and i mean worse than this guy i saw laying in a grave yard
<Hal_Johnson> it's because he was still alive, just drunk and passed out
<Hal_Johnson> so that's why this place is more dead than he was
<Hal_Johnson> he was cut though
<Hal_Johnson> he cut his hand on the bottle, it was in pieces
<Hal_Johnson> he had a glass shard in the palm of his hand
<saman> ouch
<Hal_Johnson> it didn't look very pleasant, but he said he couldn't feel it
<Hal_Johnson> i offered him a ride to the hospital, but then i realized i don't have a car
<saman> lmao
<Hal_Johnson> it would be difficult to double a bloody drunk guy on a bicycle
<Hal_Johnson> so i asked him if he'd like me to pull him with a rope
<saman> how could he tell you he couldn't feel it if he was passed out?
<Hal_Johnson> but he didnt have any type of board to lay on to roll behind the bike with, so I stole this one old guy's wheel chair, well not stole, i "borrowed" I promised i'd return it
<Hal_Johnson> oh i woke him up
<saman> ahh makes sense
<Hal_Johnson> after I took the guy to the hospital, i went to return the chair to the old guy, but he wasn't there anymore
<Hal_Johnson> all that was left of him was a single monocle
<saman> awww poor old guy
<Hal_Johnson> so what i did was called all the retirement homes in the city
<Hal_Johnson> asking if any of their old guys had monocles
<Hal_Johnson> it turns out Spring Hills Retirement Centre did
<Hal_Johnson> but the only problem is the man went missing two weeks earlier
<Hal_Johnson> So I decided to search the wheelchair better
<Hal_Johnson> to see if it had his name on it, to match the name the lady from the retirement home gave me
<Hal_Johnson> it had no name
<Hal_Johnson> but it had a serial number
<Hal_Johnson> and some crumbs that were stuck in the crease of the seat
<Hal_Johnson> I contacted the hospital to ask what the serial numbers were for. They told me that if it has a specific serial number it's not from the hospital.
<Hal_Johnson> It means it was a specific order from a disability retailer
<Hal_Johnson> no they don't sell disabilities
<Hal_Johnson> they sell products to aid those with disabilities
<saman> ahh i see
<Hal_Johnson> So I called the only 3 disability retailers in my city, but the serial number didn't match any of their recent sales
<Hal_Johnson> back at square one it would seem
<saman> so it would seem
<Hal_Johnson> so I contacted Spring Hills again and asked how long the man who went missing (I haven't used his name due to privacy rights) had been staying at their home
<Hal_Johnson> It turns out he'd only been living there for 7 months. He transferred from a different home in Lethbridge Alberta
<SoozyJ> Pancake time byeeeee
<SoozyJ> +away gorging on pancakes!
<saman> bye sooz
<SoozyJ> oh and matt good's still alive if anyone cares
<Hal_Johnson> The disability retailer told me that most companies keep wheelchair sales records for up to 5 years due to extended warranty contractual obligations that they have to oblige because it would be difficult for a person with disability to wait for repairs or pay for them too
<Hal_Johnson> So I called all the disability retailers in Lethbridge. Why? I know it sounds pointless considering the man's living here in Regina now, but I didn't know what else to do, plus I was bored.
<Hal_Johnson> It turns out the man bought his chair 3 years ago after an incident at his old business.
<Hal_Johnson> The crazy thing is, he was the owner of the most strip clubs in Western Canada
<saman> :o
<Hal_Johnson> I was interested in finding out more, so I contacted the retirement home he came from in Lethbridge.
<Hal_Johnson> They told me how he came to be living there.
<Hal_Johnson> The receptionist told me he was shot in the spinal chord one evening at one of his businesses in Edmont Alberta
<Hal_Johnson> Edmonton
<Hal_Johnson> but Edmont is almost as cool :S
<saman> i like edmont. nice city
<Hal_Johnson>
<saman>
<Hal_Johnson> So now I had to find out what companies this man owned specifically and find out if any of his family is now running his empire
<Hal_Johnson> If they were, perhaps he had contacted them, considering his current retirement centre hadn't heard from him in two weeks and now I stole the man's wheel chair and he'd disappeared completely.
<Hal_Johnson> His daughter who is running his B.C. businesses told me she talked to him a little over a week ago.
<Hal_Johnson> I asked her to call me if she heard from him again, and explained the situation
<Hal_Johnson> She sounded worried, but insisted that she knew where he was and gave me a number to reach him at.
<Hal_Johnson> The number was long distance though which didn't make any sense, and I didn't recognize the area code
<Hal_Johnson> I decided I'd call it anyway, and WOW was I shocked to find out what I had reached.
<Hal_Johnson> You'll never believe it.
<Hal_Johnson> The number I called was for Santa's Workshop in the NORTH POLE!
<Hal_Johnson> Yes my friends, the conclusion to this story is true.
<Hal_Johnson> Santa Claus was the owner of more Strip Clubs in Western Canada than any other person in history
<Hal_Johnson> I was totally flabbergasted
<Hal_Johnson> okay, i just wanted to use that word because it was old school
<Hal_Johnson> but that's my whole story THE END
<Hal_Johnson> You've all been a wonderful audience