life is confusing

thirdhour · Post by **thirdhour** » 1/21/2005, 1:58 pm

I don't know anyone either. There's a ton of kids that live in Vernon that are from India/Pakistan, but they all live on the other side of town for some reason, and go to a different school.

That being said, I have a 15 year old cousin who's family is quite religiously Jewish, and she wants to get married to someone of her parents choosing when she's about 18. Holy shit I could not imagine wanting that.

Soozy · Post by **Soozy** » 1/21/2005, 2:09 pm

Technically I live on an island too

I work with quite a few people who've had arranged marriages and it's really not a lot like you'd expect it to be once they explain it to you. Although one of my good friends has had some problems in her marriage all the others are really happy.

thirdhour · Post by **thirdhour** » 1/21/2005, 2:16 pm

It's basically just a different way of going about the dating process, but the end result is pretty much the same.

closeyoureyes · Post by **closeyoureyes** » 1/21/2005, 2:20 pm

I live on an island too! I've only ever met one person who had an arranged marriage, but they're divorced, once they got married her husband was very abusive. But i mean, thats a person to person thing.

I have to agree with Yannic, if its what you want, go for it.

OLPGoose · Post by **OLPGoose** » 1/21/2005, 3:20 pm

thirdhour wrote:I don't know anyone either. There's a ton of kids that live in Vernon that are from India/Pakistan, but they all live on the other side of town for some reason, and go to a different school.

That being said, I have a 15 year old cousin who's family is quite religiously Jewish, and she wants to get married to someone of her parents choosing when she's about 18. Holy shit I could not imagine wanting that.

people ask me why i want arranged alll the time, when my parents have given us the hcoice of finding our own mate. basically, my parents told me when i was like, 10 that if i like osmeone, as long as he fills certain requirements(educated, mulsim, pakistani, good family) they would do it because its my life and whatever makes me happy is fine with them. BUT, if they gave me that much, then i should atleast consider peeople they find with an open mind. i DID like osmeone enough to marry them, and my mom was reallllly happy about it. i think if she could have picked nayone in the world, she would have picked him. but thething is, it ended REALLY badly. he wasnt what we thought he was. and ever since then, ive just sort of come to teh ocnclusion that i dont trust myself enough. i havent seen enough of the world to know how people really are. my mom has NEVER been wrong about a person. obviously, the guy i picked...she like dhim when we were like, 8! and then when i wa sinvolved iwth him, she started saying hes not right. and in the end, he wasnt! its so annoying when your parents are always right.

and honestly, i think when your emotions are involved, youd ont look at whats important. its very easy to say that "i dont care about money. as long as i love the person, i could live in a cardboard box and be happy" but when it comes down to it, YES, it DOES matter. if it didnt matter, millions of people wouldnt get divorced because of finances! those people started otu iwth the same theory about love ocnquering all. thats not real life.

when you are in an arranged situation, you look at the reality of it first. whats hs education? how wellw ill yoru families interact? whatkind of life will you have together? are your views on the world similar? the emotional stuff ocmes AFTER you are sure all of that is going to work out.

most of my cousins have love marriages. i've seen people let their emotions take over their common sense. my cousin is marrie dto a guy thatd oesnt even have a bachelors degree! shes comign from a house with servants and drivers...and now shes living in one bedroom. sure, she loves him. but do you think its easy to adjust like that? when she sees her sister(arranged) buying expensive shoes and expensive bags--something she GREW UP WITH--its definitely not a great feeling. and these things wear on a relationship. when a guy cant afford to pay the rent, then yeah...there will be a lot of frustration, which will result in anger and fighting and all kinds of stuff. if this guy had come to my family as a proposal, no way in HELL would we have done it! he is working putting cardboard boxes together in a factory!! its common sense that he wont be able to support teh lifestyle she is accustomed to, and that eventually creates problems. adjustment is a MAJOR part of marriage.

so like...i think when people opt for arranged marriages, its more about wanting to take the emotional screen off of the biggest decision of their life. i dont wnat my decision to be clouded by the fact that i love the guy. i was willing to marry a total bastard because i loved him! and because when you LOVE someone, you make excuses for them, and youd ont see reality.

but at the same time, there are so many people out there that date and fall in love and get married. its all about preference. although, i think you will find arranged marriages end in divorce less frequently--and thats probably because of the whole checking compatability thing. a lot of people think that there si less divorce because teh culture doesnt allow for it, but thats pretty far off. there are still places where divorce is a really bad thing, but the world has changed a lot, and those places dont make up enough of the population to cause that much of a significant change in dovorce rates. what you see on tv is sooo far from reality.

but yeah...so i think its all on your own prefernce. i wish i could do both. hahaha. but i guess thats not possible, huh?

trentm32 · Post by **trentm32** » 1/21/2005, 7:35 pm

I've never met anyone from an arranged marriage, either.

Rusty · Post by **Rusty** » 1/21/2005, 9:24 pm

I know people that plan on getting arranged marriages.

Lando · Post by **Lando** » 1/21/2005, 10:11 pm

When I was little I attended a Sikh or Sihk (or however it's spelt) wedding.