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superrgirll wrote::GASP:

Matthew Good wrote:From: matthewgood@matthewgood.org
Subject: Re: Your visit to Canada
Date: November 18, 2004 10:32:43 AM PST
To: GWBush@yahoo.com
Reply-to: matthewgood@matthewgood.org

Dear Mr. Bush,

As a citizen of the nation that shares the longest border with the United States, I wanted to write you this quick e-mail in a futile attempt to persuade you to reconsider visiting Canada later this month. My reasons, five in total, are as follows…

1) We have decided to go with giant sling shots armed with massive paper wads rather than participate in missile defense because it's environmentally friendlier. (By GOP standards even our conservatives are liberals).

2) Being that I, along with millions of other Canadians, pay for the upkeep of government buildings by way of taxes, I’m not keen on a war criminal scuffing up our recently waxed floors.

3) If there is a Canadian assassination attempt, I don’t want any innocent Canadians to get covered in any excess whipping cream when the assassin throws the pie at you.

4) The people of Ottawa hate it when half of their city is closed down so people like you can go jogging. But by all means, mountain bike to your hearts content.

5) Despite the smiles and handshakes that you will receive from our Prime Minister, various Members Of Parliament, and a variety of others who hold irrelevant posts (such as that of Governor General); please realize that the majority of Canadians consider you to be quite an exceptional ass.

Sincerely,
Matthew Good