ClumsyMonkey.net

homer: ha ha! look at this country! you are gay!? ha ha!

homer: hey, I asked for ketchup! i'm eatin' salad here!

homer: i know you can read my thoughts, boy : meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.

Homer: Burkina Faso!? Disputed Zone!? Who called all these wierd places?

Brain: Quiet. I think it might have been you but I can't remember. Just pay the bill and I'll release some more endorphins (or however that's spelled)

Homer: That Jon is a great guy. We should have him and his wife over for dinner sometime.
Marge: I dont think he's married.
Homer: Oh a ladies man eh?
Marge: Not quite. Homer, I think he prefers the company of men.
Homer: who doesnt?
Marge: Jon is a homo
Homer: yes....
Marge: Sexual
Homer:

Homer: *to bart* Do you want to change your name to Homer, Jr.? The kids can call you Hoju!

Shopkeeper: Take this object, but beware: it carries a terrible curse!
Homer: Oooh, that's bad.
Shopkeeper: But it comes with a free Frogurt!
Homer: That's good!
Shopkeeper: The Frogurt is also cursed.
Homer: That's bad.
Shopkeeper: But you get your choice of toppings!
Homer: That's good!
Shopkeeper: The toppings contain potassium benzoate.
*homer is confused*
Shopkeeper: That's bad.
Homer: Can I go now?

Homer: "One of our kids is lousy, and the other one is good, why can't they both be good?"
Marge: "Homer, we have three kids."
Homer: "Marge...the dog doesn't count as a kid..."
Marge: "Maggie."
Homer: "Oh, yeah."


Lisa: Take this rock for example. What if I told you all it keeps tigers away?
Homer: No way!
Lisa: Do you see any tigers around?
Homer: ..... Lisa, I'd like to buy your rock.

Homer: Let the bears pay the bear tax, I pay the Homer tax!

Lisa: I'm studying for the math fair. If I win, I'll get a brand new protractor.
Homer: Too bad we don't live on a farm.

Homer: Oh, I can't believe those goons muscled me out of my grease business. I've been muscled out of everything I've ever done. Including my muscle-for-hire business.


Janeane Garofalo: [sigh] I got my period today.
Marge: [spits out drink] Good lord!
Janeane Garofalo: Plus got a new boyfriend, and you know how it is when you're kissing a guy with a tongue stud.
Homer: [laughing hysterically] Yes! Yes! Oh God, yes!

Homer: Well, crying isn't gonna bring him back, unless your tears
smell like dog food. So you can either sit there crying and
eating can after can of dog food until your tears smell
enough like dog food to make your dog come back - or you can
go out there and find your dog.
Bart: I'll do it! *runs out*
Homer: Damn, I almost had him eating dog food!

Apu: Ah! the searing kiss of hot lead; how I missed you! I mean, I think I'm dying.

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Dr. Wolfe: I'm afraid little Lisa is going to need braces.
Lisa: Oh no! I'll be socially unpopular, moreso.

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Dr. Wolfe: Ralph, how often do you brush?
Ralph: Three times a day sir.
Dr. Wolfe: Why must you turn my office into a den of lies?

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Bart (to the kids in the dentist office): You know that rattle you hear when you shake up a spray paint can?? Thats a kids tooth.

Homer: Lisa, look out behind you!
Lisa: Dad, I'm not gonna fall for that.
Homer: No, Lisa, I swear to you: I'm 100% completely serious! You've got to turn around right now before it's too late!
Lisa: *turns* Huh?
Homer: *runs* Sucker!

Homer: Hey, you're stealing my grease!

Goon: We run the grese racket in this town. *whacks homer with the shovel*

Homer: Ow! Hey, that's my shovel!

Goon: We also run the shovel racket.

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Homer: Um..Uh.. We're exchange students! From..Scotland!

Willie: Really!? Where do ye hail from?

Homer: Uh... North.. Kilt...Town..

Willie: Really!? I'm from North Kilt Town! Do ye know Angus MacLeod?

Homer: Hey.. Wait a minute! There's no Angus MacLeod in North Kilt Town! Why, you're not from Scotland at all!

Homer: "Really, the only word to describe it is
Lisa: "Hmm. What's the English equivalent for I'd say ... transcendent."
Homer: "How about groin-grabbingly transcendent?"
Lisa: "Uh ... I don't think so."

Homer (to Bart and Lisa): Your daddy and his daddy have gotten into quite a *sees Bart's chocolate bar* a nutty, sticky, chewy chocolately...put it away boy!

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Comic Book Guy: ooooh loneliness and cheese burgers are a bad mix

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Guy at Krusty Burger: We need some more secret sauce. Put the mayonnaise in the sun.

Sea Captain: Yarr. Tis a good sign. Homer's unfastened the top button on his pants.

Akria: He's been walking around like that since thanksgiving

Captain: Yarr. I'm surprised he doesn't just give it up and go for sweatpants.

Akria: He says the crotch wears out to fast.

Captain: Yarr. That's gonna replace the whale in my nightmares.

Homer: If he's so smart, how come he's dead?

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Moe: You go through life, you try to be nice to people, you struggle to resist the urge to punch 'em in the face, and for what? So some pimply little puke can treat you like dirt because you're not on the team. Well, I'm better than dirt. Well, most kinds of dirt. I mean not that fancy store bought dirt. That stuffs loaded with nutrients. I... I can't compete with that stuff

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Wiggum: Wow, its a good thing the bomb landed in that big smoking crater

Homer: I hope I didn't brain my damage.

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Homer: Take THAT, Space Coyote!

Marge: Space coyote?

homer: oh margie, you came and your found me a turkey, on my vacation away from workie.

haha, my friend joe used to sing that to me every morning replacing marge with lori. it actually got really annoying after awhile.

ralph: when i grow up im going to bovine university

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ralph: can you open my milk mommy?
miss hoover: im not mommy ralph.. im miss hoover.

Homer: Boy!! You better butter up that bacon!!

Bart: But dad, my heart!!