ClumsyMonkey.net

happeninfish wrote:

areusad831 wrote:Dear Bethany, Alan, and Alex,

Why was I left out of this group of answering questions since I am in the running for the biggest internet loser as well. I think I should take Alex's place since she never answers any questions.

Emo Phil

Dear Emo

I could launch into a long-winded rant as to why you have no friends, but I think I will spare you. Go boil your head.

Love always,
Alex

Dear Bethany and friends,

I think I love you. And you made Emo Phil drive off a cliff. Can I have an autograph?

~Not so secret admirer

Dear Bethany and friends

You see this is tough for me, I'm a first timer in need of advice... the problem is I was watching Oprah today and this fat lady told us the key to success was to find your soulmate... but i had my soul stolen by this girl named Lori from Toronto... and to make matters worse I owe 4 other people my soul once I actually get this one back. So is there anyway to be successful without a soul? or do I just watch too much Oprah?
- Soul-less in Seattle

i can answer your question. black mail me. it works. brent black mailed me and he got his soul back. i got ripped off. damn.

who's bethany?

Galaxia wrote:Dear Bethany and friends,

I think I love you. And you made Emo Phil drive off a cliff. Can I have an autograph?

~Not so secret admirer

Dear Not so,

You think you love me? That is very sweet of you. I mean, you really don't know me, for all you know, I could be a 40 year old child molester, but heh, all the power to you.

Emo Phil did not drive off a cliff, he is locked up in my basement.
I occasionally remember to feed him and let him out to romp around the city.
He likes it.

here is your autograph:



-Bethany

Dear Bethany and friends,

Why does Bethany's signature suck oh so much? I mean, it's a melange of crappy scribbling, and it needs to be done away with. Thanks.

- Riled up in Roseville.

right back at ya, buddy!

OLPMazurite wrote:

dear bethany,

you have pretty handwriting.

that is all.

thanks.

though i have been told i write like a 3rd grade teacher.

or an out of work porn star!

but anyway,

Dear BAA,

Ok, things don't look good at work, i might get laid off. should i:

A) go in today and start trhowing shit all over the place kicking and screaming then leave.

B) go in today and slack it off big time like i did yesterday when i heard the news.

C) not go in at all and when they call i tell them to fuck off cause i'm gonna get laid off anyway.

D) work until i'm laid off then bitch everyone off and kick the shit out of Paul the annoying load moany bitch.

E) be nice take your walkin papers and get unemployment.

yeah, that's right i called you all BAA, deal with it...chivo's.

Chivos??

Dear BAA,

How do I get guys to like me?? I don't dress slobbily, I have a lot in common with most guys, and I'd say I'm relatively attractive. I'm also smart and have an adequate sense of humor.. what's wrong with me??

Loveless in Lake Orion

goats....goats go Baa, there for i called them goats....or chivas/chivos. yeah i suck at spelling.

Mr. Bojangles wrote:or an out of work porn star!

but anyway,

Dear BAA,

Ok, things don't look good at work, i might get laid off. should i:

A) go in today and start trhowing shit all over the place kicking and screaming then leave.

B) go in today and slack it off big time like i did yesterday when i heard the news.

C) not go in at all and when they call i tell them to fuck off cause i'm gonna get laid off anyway.

D) work until i'm laid off then bitch everyone off and kick the shit out of Paul the annoying load moany bitch.

E) be nice take your walkin papers and get unemployment.

yeah, that's right i called you all BAA, deal with it...chivo's.

Dear Mr. Rocky Balboa,

You're in quite the predicament, but all of your choices, except for E, are blown out of proportion. You don't know what a shitty job is like. Imagine having to work in coal mines for your teenage years. You don't know what that is like. Having dust and rock fall on your head, watching your best friends die when the dynamite goes off too early, and getting fifty cents a fucking hour! When you work in a job like that, then you can contemplate telling people off. If anything, you should be thankful they employed your ass for so long.

~Alan

emily wrote:Chivos??

Dear BAA,

How do I get guys to like me?? I don't dress slobbily, I have a lot in common with most guys, and I'd say I'm relatively attractive. I'm also smart and have an adequate sense of humor.. what's wrong with me??

Loveless in Lake Orion

Dear Loveless,

You seem like the perfect girl in theory, but there's one glaring problem. Get the boils on your face lanced, they aren't turning anyone on. Men's sexual fantasies do not include taking pins and getting rid of those suckers. When you get that handled, everything will work out nicely for you.

~Alan

!!!

For Your Lungs Only wrote:Dear Mr. Rocky Balboa,

You're in quite the predicament, but all of your choices, except for E, are blown out of proportion. You don't know what a shitty job is like. Imagine having to work in coal mines for your teenage years. You don't know what that is like. Having dust and rock fall on your head, watching your best friends die when the dynamite goes off too early, and getting fifty cents a fucking hour! When you work in a job like that, then you can contemplate telling people off. If anything, you should be thankful they employed your ass for so long.

~Alan

I never said it was a bad job, i just said i was gonna get laid off after 6 weeks. (wow, that sounds pathetic in hindsight.) oh well after one month i still qualify for unemployment.

Dear Bethany Alex and Alan

I have an addiction to tortilla chips. Is it a problem when my addiction makes me bathe in tortilla chips. I have made sweaters out of the bags and have invented a new perfume: Fragrance of Tortilla. Do I have a problem?

Tortillas in Timbucktwo

Dear Bethany, Alex, and Alan,

This question is aimed at Alan:
Does it offend you that your name is last on the list? Especially when the three of your names should be in alphabetical order?

-Alphabetical in Ann Arbor

emily wrote:Dear Bethany, Alex, and Alan,

This question is aimed at Alan:
Does it offend you that your name is last on the list? Especially when the three of your names should be in alphabetical order?

-Alphabetical in Ann Arbor

Actually, Alpha, I was just thinking about this. I've decided to answer it instead of Alan since I'M the one who usually gets stuck in last. Yes, it ticks me off when people put me last, and I'm less likely to answer those questions. I was thinking of changing it to Alex, Bethany, and Alan, but then you would have to call us ABA. In conclusion, those boils look to be coming along nicely.

Love always,
Alex