I am getting married May 03, 2006.

[AnnieDreams]

Congratualtions! Next May is quite awhile away though... apparently when my parents got married it was along the lines of "Hey, mom, what are you doing next weekend? Nothing? Ok, well I thought I'd get Married. *leaves*"

[Pyramanica_Naveedess]

hahaha.

My mom got pregnant with me, and my dad said to her, "well, I guess we had better get married then...."



Its just the way my dad is. My mom is remarried now and my dad is still single but ....... i don't know.

[Henrietta]

:O

My parents dated for three years, but my mom went home for the summers. And they were engaged for four months.

[nelison]

jeeze... me and my gf have now been together for 3 years and we have no plans to get married anytime soon. I told her don't even expect a proposal until I know for sure where we're going to be after we graduate. We want to have our lives somewhat planned out over the next 5-10 years before we decide to get married so that way we'll know we're in a stable position. Most marriages fail in the first 7 years, and the leading cause is money, so we're going to make sure we get settled before then.

Saying that, I just don't understand how you can know this is "the one" in such a short time... like have you talked about the future? kids? finances? careers? There's a lot more to it than just the "i do's." I think that's also a problem with a lot of people. They worry more about the marriage than all the other stuff that comes after it. Hopefully you guys have thought this stuff through and not just rushed into it for the sake of saying you're getting married.

Oh and this may come off as negative, but it's meant well. I'd hate to see people rush into things and have it not end up the way they want.

[Long Jonny]

My parents only dated a few months before getting engaged and everything worked out great for them- ended up having 8 kids, successful careers and so on.

that said, it can be done. however, the chances of it happening this day and age are pretty slim considering more than half of marriages end in divorce now.
i pretty much agree with what jim has said, just don't rush into it.

[superrgirll]

i've gotta agree too. 50% of marriages end in divroce. people are getting married too young and before they really know each other.

[nelison]

Granted some people can pull it off, and hopefully you're one of them, but the statistics aren't stacked in your favour. I've had to opportunity to chat with a marriage counsellor (don't think that's not spelled right but its late...) and she was telling me that when she meets with couples who are about to get married she often throws questions out at them about their future, and more often than not they end up having completely different points of view. If you have to chance to go to a marriage counsellor before you get married I'd say go for it and find out if you have all of your bases covered. Marriage is a huge step, and it's best to have everything prepared.

[Henrietta]

I also think people overthink it. Almost every older couple I know dated for less than a year before they were married, and have been for over twenty years at least. How can you know where you'll be in 5-10 years? 30 years? In my short experience since high school, I am absolutely astounded at the different places that life has taken my friends and I. So how can you try to work that out? All you can do, in my opinion, is commit yourselves to one another (and your kids when you have them) and work through whatever happens. When I get married, I'm not going to have my career planned out. But I plan to stick with my husband no matter what. Growing <i>together</i> keeps couples together in my opinion.

I am just curious, but out of your friends, how many of us have our parents still together (not counting "happiness")? Out of my close friends, only one had a divided household (she was also the only one not LDS). Another's parents I can say for sure hate eachother and stay together for the wrong reasons. So of 8 close friends, 6 are still together.

I'm just curious, it's not like I think you're doomed if your parents aren't still married Or ever married....

[nelison]

You have to remember that this is different times, and it's a faster world now than it was even a generation ago.

I'm in a family where the future wasn't planned out and it caused a lot of stress and eventually my mom and step-dad seperated. Not to mention at least half of the famillies I know have divorced/seperated parents. So that's where I'm coming from.

When I mean 5-10 years I don't mean knowing every little detail, but I mean with careers you have to be able to decide what you will do if you have to move, or will that job involve travelling, etc. Also you have to know what you want in terms of where you want to live. For me and my gf it's a matter of living in an urban setting and wanting to figure out if we want to live in a condo for the first 5-10 years or go directly to finding a house, or will we have to move out to Vancouver because my gf is in television. There's so many things that need to be discussed, that sometimes just wanting to be with someone isn't going to cut it. Which is sad but true.

[happening fish]

My parents are still married and of all my current friends I can only think of a few exceptions: one divorce, one whose parents never legally married but have lived together happily as a couple for over 20 years, and two whose parents divorced and then got married to each other again.

[closeyoureyes]

Thinking it out doesn't necessarily mean it will work. My parents dated for four years, engaged another year, and then were married for 8, leading a bitter divorce afterwards. Now, maybe it failed because they weren't compatible, or maybe because years later my mummy would come out as a lesbian , but one thing I know for sure is that.. they knew each other, WELL.. and it still ended rather bloodily.

Maybe impulsiveness is good for the soul! Either way, Congratulations

[thirdhour]

Wow Alex, that's weird that two of your friends' parents broke up and got back together. I don't know anyone that's done that, so it's crazy that you know of two cases!

My parents never wanted to get married because they were hippies and didn't really ever want to have it set in stone like that. The only reason they got married is that originally they didn't think they could have kids, and back in the day (80's), adoption agencies weren't too eager to give kids to non-married couples. Turns out they had two kids, but ended up adopting three more anyway. So yeah, they lived together for something like 7 years before they got married. They got divorced when I was in grade 5 and never were totally happy together.

I think people who are in long-term relationships get too comfortable in them sometimes, and stay together even if they're not happy just because there's no real reason to break up. I don't think it's fair to say all quick marriages will end up badly or all together-for-years-first marriages will either. It totally depends on the people and what they want and how the relationship works. If both people treasure the relationship and feel that it's something worth working on to keep, there's a very good chance it'll last. It's people that give up too easily or refuse to talk about problems that have relationships that are doomed to fail.

Out of my close friends, most of them have split-up parents, but weirdly enough, not a single one of them has a step-mother or step-father. Hmmm, okay Marie, Lise, Matt, Allison, Tom, Maureen, Meagan and Dan's parents are still together...Me, Cara, Tycko, Kristin, Kyle, Josh, Jesse, and Harley/Anthony's aren't.

Wow, wait a minute, there's alot more with non-divorced parents now that I've listed them all out. Weird. So I guess it's about split down the middle.

[Random Name]

Jim, I'm impressed. You are the one demanding stability and commitment. I guess its no surprise your taken!

All I know about my parents is that they got divorced. Its weird though, because virtually every one of my friends has happily married parents. Well perhaps not that happy, but thats not the point. This also means that I can't really talk to my friends about anything that goes on at home. Whenever I do, they get blank expressions and agree to everything I say because they have had absolutely no experience outside of the happy parentage they have lived with. I suppose that isn't really a bad thing for them but its really weird for me sometimes.

[nelison]

Jim, I'm impressed. You are the one demanding stability and commitment. I guess its no surprise your taken!

I just believe that marriage is taken too lightly nowadays. People get married because of the idea of marriage as a day, rather than a lifetime. To me that's why the divorce rate is so high (that and people give up way to quick cause it's easy to get divorced now). I just hate to see anyone become a statistic and I certainly don't plan to be one either and to me the best way to go about it is to take your time. What's the difference if you get married within a year of dating or in 5 years? You're still with that person, and by then you will know so much more about your role in the relationship and how to make the relationship work once marriage comes around.

I think it all stems from seeing what my mom and step-dad went through and although there was no fighting or heavy stuff that happened, it's still something I don't want to have to go through or see anyone have to go through.

Sorry for hijacking the thread Pyramanica_Naveedess and turning this into a discussion over marriage and not just discuss the happiness that revolves around your engagement.

[Henrietta]

People get married because of the idea of marriage as a day, rather than a lifetime.

When I get married, both of us will believe it's for more than just a lifetime. Eternity. And LDS people have short courtships and short engagements. So that's kind of...different I suppose. I guess I don't plan to take it lightly. I just plan to know I want to stick to that person no matter what. I know what I want my role to be, although I'm preparing for it to work out no matter what happens. I know what I want my husband's role to be. I know that he also better also want these things, or it won't work. Since high school I have tried to plan what was going to happen to me. It has just gone to show me that all you can do is prepare. I like this lyric from a song, "If you want to hear God laugh tell him your plans". It has far from worked, planning my life. So I'm going to do my best and trust in God.

But yeah, sorry to hijack your thread, yo.

[happening fish]

Wow Alex, that's weird that two of your friends' parents broke up and got back together. I don't know anyone that's done that, so it's crazy that you know of two cases!

I thought so too! It's sort of a strange coincidence.

[closeyoureyes]

I agree that marriage is taken too lightly. When I get married[IF], It will be forever. The only instance I can see myself ghetting divorced in, is if he cheats. Well it won't be divorce, I'll be widowed.

Marriage does have alot of religious meaning to me, in SOME ways[given that i totally support same sex marriage], and I think that just, messing it up the way people do, JUST BECAUSE, is a slap in the face to the whole institution.

[nikki4982]

Wow, two months? That's not nearly long enough to know someone before marriage. Thankfully you're not actually doing it until next year. But yeah, two months is still the happy "I-love-everything-about-you-and-you're-perfect" stage.

But congrats, regardless. I hope it all works out for you.

[superboots]

how old are you?

[Dr. Hobo]

8 years old