ClumsyMonkey.net

I read through this thread and I haven't laughed that hard in a long time...oh man.

The guitar stand story is my favorite

odio_la_cabra wrote:

crazyblue32 wrote:Bird-lawyers, that's what they call 'em.

anyone else think of harvey birdman?

That's exactly what I thought of.

so uh...
what happened to that owl story?

Yes, Johnathan. Do hurry up!

Everyone is waiting in anticipation!

*waits in anticipation*

Alright, Alright; here it is......



So.....an Owl Shit on My Head

This actually happened a few weeks ago and its pretty similar to when the other bird poo'd on my head(The first post in this thread )

Well, a few weeks ago, I had to take out the garbage and the bottles. So, I get dressed and proceed to make my way outside. Now our trash cans are located beside the driveway. So, I proceed to take the trash out and dispose of it. I turn around and I proceed to the garage and I put the empty bottles away. When I come out of the garage, I notice something in the tree. At first I thought it was a big clump of snow. Then I look closer and I realize that snow wouldn't form in a big clump like that and there wasnt that much snow. So, I get curious and I walk up to the tree. Then I find out what it is, It was an owl, a grreat snowy owl. It was beautiful. I have never seen an owl before. So, I move in a bit closer and I stopped. I was right underneath it. I looked at it for a few moments and I decided to go and tell my folk about it. So just as I turn to go in, I hear a ruffling of feathers then I feel something warm hit my head.

That familiar feeling comes rushing back to me. Yes, a owl did crap on my head. Quite frankly, I was surprised....that bird held a surprisin amount of poop in it. Then the rage kicks in. The poo had hit me behind my ear and it went down my coat The smell was horrible. I honestly wanted to get sick. the smell was that bad. So, I walk quickly into the house, take my coat off and I threw it downstairs. Then I take my shirt off and I toss it downstairs(both had poo on them) So, I dash to the bathroom and I quickly ram hy head in the sink.....and thats were the trouble really began.

Well, my head still doesnt fit in the sink, which resulted in me getting my head stuck again. Thats not even the worst part. You see, my old man was changing the taps on the kitchen sink. That means the water was turned OFF in the house. Naturally, he did something wrong, so he and my mom had to run into the home depot in Edmonton. He didnt and couldnt turn the water on. So, I had no way to wash my hair.....and I couldnt get my head unstuck. There was no lubrication available...I had to wait.

I waited for two hours for my folks to come home and they did finally. My mom comes in and looks for me. She finds me in my sorry state and she's like She askes me whats wrong and I tell her what happend. She laughed at me by this time my old man came in and he was like . My mom explains what happened and he laughs. So I kindly asked them to get me the fuck out of there. Mom goes to get some bottled water and she managed to wash the poo out. So, i didnt smell too bad anymore. Then my folks try to get me out. They were litterally trying to rip my head out of the sink but, my head wouldn't move. I was stuck good...

So, in the end, my old man had to take the tap off to get me out. I was stuck in the sink for just about three hours. My back was killing me and my head hurt.....

End Story

awwww but

you are my hero

that is the second thing to make my day today, the first one of my friends got shat on by a seagull at school during lunch, and he comes over , shit dripping down his hair like did i get shit on and evey one started laughing.

YES!

Okay, I wasnt gonna go into this thread, but EVERYTIME i see the name i actually kill myself laughing! hahaha..hahahahhahahahahahahah..you worded it so well! haha. *claps*

it's funnier hearing it the second time around

This is the reason I love you JoHnythAn

*dies laughing*

Oh man!!!
Paris Hilton is gonna stick her hand up a cows ass just like you did!!!!

(It was on that crappy show on fox. I thought it was the "preview" for next week)

When I saw her with a big glove on and a cow all I thought of was you.

So, I glued my hand to my phone today

So, I glued my hand to my phone today



was doing dishes today and I broke one of my moms plates. I was like oh nuts, She's going to murder me now. She really likes her plates. So I gather up the broken pieces and I grab the glue. I sit down at the table and I start fussing with the glue. I was having toubles opening the glue. When I finally did open the glue, it spalshed all over my hands and my shirt. At that precise moment, the phone rang. I proceeded to get up(with out wiping off my hands) to answer the phone. As I'm talking on the phone, I grab the bread board(to ensure that no glue would get on the table) So I finish up with the phone and I proceeded to hang it up or I thought. I hung it up and turned to go back to the table, then I feel the phone in my hand. I look at it and Im like "what the?" I started to shake my hand and the phone wouldnt come off my hand. So I went back to the kitchen table and I sat down and I tried to put the bread board down and pull off the phone. The bread board ended up glued to my right hand. I tried to pull it off but, it hurt. It really did hurt. I tried to pull the phone off and it hurt as well. I tried to go outside and fetch some paint thinner from the garage but, I couldnt turn the doorknob.

So In the end, I called my mom and told her what happend. She was like x 238723873 and I had to wait for her to come home. For two long hours I had to wait. She finally got home and laughed at me some more. The she went and got some paint thinner from the garage and used it to free me.

The worst part of it was that I had to take a crap at the time.