ClumsyMonkey.net

Welcome back to As the Young and Restless World Turns Passionately. Here's what happened last week.

*Recaps*

And now, the story continues...

(in coma patient's room)

(coma patient wakes up)

Patient: Ugh... What happened to me?

Doctor: What? AH! You're awake! How is that possible? I gave you a dog's brain!

Patient: That's what you think...

(back in the dark room)

Bad guy: You little bitch! You hit my mother's lover!

Little girl: That's your mother's lover? That's my dad!

Bad guy: Then you've just killed your father.

(zoom to little girls big eyes, as they start to tear up)

{commercial break}

{Enter}

Dark scary room: Little girl after realizing she's just killed her own father reaches into her pocket ... and pulls out .. (evil piano music) dun dun dun .. a magic time capsule that will erase what just happened and bring her father back!

*audience gasps*

Hospital room: Coma patient's hand is inching towards the call button as she tries to summon help. But is it too late?!

~camera zooms into the doctor as he .... *we interrupt to bring you live from the Whitehouse, President Bush~

Bush: Uhh... I feel like America needs to go to war. Or was it not go to war...? Ah, geez. I need a pretzel...

{back to the show}

{Enter}

2 hours earlier in the White House

Bush: where is this so called Iraq that I've been mentioning anyways?

Assisstant: Shut up! the girl's about to kill her father without knowing she's her father...

CLOSE UP on Bush... big wide eyes, tears start to appear

Bush: fine well I'm gonna make an announcement, if we all die it's your fault, na na na na boo boo

{end white house}

{back to the show}

little girl: wait, i just talked to my dad on the phone! that must have been.... his twin!

{gasp}

Bush: Gasp!

{commercial break}

Bush: Well if that just don't beat all...

I just got back from work, I can't think of anything to add. Maybe I'll pull a Bush and threaten a random country... DAMN THE SWISS!

'I'll pull a bush' <i like that.

Sounds a little dirty...

now that you mention it ... yes it does.
apox on thee.

Smallpox on who?

damn you Switzerland!!!!!

I don't get it

I'm sick of the Swiss.

Where's Alex when you need her...?

alex

Scott: Hello. My name is Ed.

Mark: [speaks sing-songy throughout] He's sick of the Swiss.

Scott: That's right! I'm sick of their good reputation.

Mark: He's realllly sick of the Swiss.

Scott: I'm sick of their cheese. I'm sick of their chocolate. And, I'm especially sick of their blocky heroine, Heidi.

Mark: He's sick of the Swiss. He don't like `em.

Scott: I mean, every other nation in the world has taken their turn being maligned and slandered. But not the Swi-iss!

Mark: Icky, yucky, stinky, stupid Switzerland.

Scott: Well, that situation is over as of now. *Move* over America; there's a new asshole on the map! I've had it up to here with your skiing heroes! I've had it up to here with your mountains! I've had it up to here with your secret *bank* accounts! From now on, Switzerland, your name is mud.

Mark: If you roast `em all in a fondue pot, sure bet ya that they'll complain a lot. Whiny, whiny Switzerland.

Scott: Yeah. It's *war* between the Swiss and me. "But, they've never done anything wrong," you say.

Both: Ha!

Scott: What about the clock?

Mark: The clock.

Scott: Huh? If they hadn't invented the clock, I'd still be in bed. . .dreaming!

Mark: It's time. It's time. [looks at watch] Oh! It's time to hate the Swiss.

Scott: Zuricheads! Cuckoo cuckoos! Land locked losers!

Mark: Zuricheads. . .

Scott: Neutral ninnies! Boring bankers! Chalet pimps!!

Mark: Oh yeah, his name is Ed--he'd like to see the Swiss dead! He's sick of the Swiss!

Scott: [sticks finger in mouth and gags]

Mark: Hey! Got a problem with that Belgium?!

Scott: [gives the two-handed equivalent to the finger] Umph!