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A pop-up book of flowers from grade 4 are driving her insane...

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Postby nelison » 1/15/2005, 1:32 am

Staged

I

Sometimes I ride the bus home and I pretend I'm in a movie. I pretend there's a camera facing me with a slow sway, as I look dumbfounded towards it, unaware of its existance. Then we get a different angle, forty-five degrees, watching what I watch out the window. My reflection somewhat visible, but only to those who care about movies like this. The others find these moments boring.

At the next stop, the camera pans to show a group of Asian kids get aboard the bus. They sit in front of me, and chat in asian. The camera cuts to a shot of me trying to decipher what they're saying without paying too much attention to the fact they don't speak my language. I shift in my seat, just so you know that the sounds of unfamiliar voices are uneasy to me.

I start thinking about how all of this would make a great book. Almost like a screenplay never meant for film release. I see my house go by me as I pull the cord to get off. At the stop I get off. The camera, to the right of me, watches me look to my left as the bus pulls away, and I turn to the right and walk towards home. I cross the road as any small city person would, not at an intersection, but in the middle of the road. The camera cuts to me walking up my driveway, before I vanish behind the house towards my backdoor. Fumbling for my keys, followed by an even worse dance with the lock, I open the door and the Camera pans to what is my kitchen.

I turn on the light. The house is empty.

I live with five others. The camera shows a few pictures mounted on the wall, a la Sam Mendes in American Beauty of a few joyous moments from the past. I step in front of the camera and allow it to follow me into the living room where I look to see if the fish has been fed. This allows the camera to pan out and display the set. I look up as if something isn't right, and check the thermostat. It turns out someone turned door the heat slightly, but noticeably. The camera watches my hand change the dial, and follows me around the corner and up the stairs.

Remember the first ten minutes of punch drunk love, where you don't quite understand what is going on? That is this moment. But I don't know it. To me this is normal. This is my life and frankly it isn't meant to be watched.

Being in a rather tall house, I live in on the third floor. I'm followed up the stairs, slightly tripping, but no one's around so no one should be laughing, even though the audience is probably having a chuckle. There's a small landing before my room. The camera acts perpendicular to my path and follows me into my room, as if my house is conveniently missing that fourth wall. I put my coat and school bag down, and check my email.

II

"do you need a ride?"

"sure!"

I get rides home everyday. It is the joy of being a nursing student. The comraderie makes up for the marks. One of my friends is a forty-five year old mother of two. She's decided to change careers and like me wants to be a nurse.

We drive through the city. I really don't know where I am. I have only been in this city for two years and for the most part have been restricted to the main road. We make a left and a right and continue to drive along a riverside road. I wonder how this city came into existance. Did a boat come ashore this river some time ago, carrying men, women, and children who were searching for a place to settle? Or did someone get lost, or tired and happen to stumble upon some fertile ground?

I daydream a lot. You may have missed it, but I'm already home. I walked in the door. Someone's home, the door was unlocked. I take a few pieces of chicken out for supper for my sister and I, then walk upstairs. I am tired so I will take a nap before supper.

III

I tend to miss the bus. I am always forced to wait on the next one, which angers me to no end. Thankfully, I have my Fat Joe and the Terror Squad CD handy. It gets me through the waits.

The bus stops in front of me, and I got on. The seats are all pretty gross, so I'm going to stand. Besides, I refuse to sit beside someone on the bus. You don't know what people in this town are like.

The ride home is always boring. This city is boring. I go home often because of this. In fact I'm going home tomorrow. Me and some friends are going clubbing at Matt and Joe's. You see, Matt and Joe's is the most happenest club ever. Anyone in Belleville knows that the people who you want to know go to Matt and Joe's.

I hate that I have to drive by my house to get to the closest stop. Why won't they just put a stop in front of my house? Would that be hard to ask?

I hate this house. My room is cool though. I just got a new stereo, so I can blast my Big Pun when my girls come over.

Oh my god, Derek messaged me 3 minutes ago and I wasn't online to get it. I hope he doesn't hate me.

IV

Pick a word. Any word, and I'll tell you what song that word can be heard in.

"Ransom"
"A Beautiful Thing by the Hip"
"ok, version"
"easy, Alanis Morrisette, You Oughta Know. Oh here's my stop. Later Gator."

For fuck's sake, the kitchen light was left on again. We just went over this in our house meeting two nights ago. When you leave a room, turn off the light. Is it that hard?

You know what else bugs me? When people waste water. I can't stand hearing a faucet run unneedlessly. These people will wish they'd listened to me when their kids don't have a cotton pickin' barrel of drinkable water left in this world.

And what the fuck? who keeps turning up the damn heat? It's 17 degrees. There's no need for it to be any warmer. Just put on a fucking sweater if your cold.

This is too stressful. I need some yoga and bob dylan.

V

So, like today I didn't have class, so I walked downtown to mail a letter to my boyfriend. We've been dating for 8 months and 4 days. I can't wait to get home to chat with him! You see, he like lives in Guelph which is far. Like 4 hours. I met him one night when I got wasted and fell asleep in his bed. He kissed me when I woke up and it's been love ever since. I only get to see him once a month for 3 days, so we chat like every night and sometimes we mail letters or packages. I just sent him a picture of me, and I sprayed it with my newest perfume so that way he would know what I smell like everyday he's away from me. I love him to pieces and I can't wait until we can be together everyday. Hey look, someone's walking in the house. It's so cold out. I love my new coat don't you? It's a puffy vest. It was the only thing I wanted for chistmas and my mom gave me some money to put towards it. I have to pay her back eventually but that's okay because I love my mom and she's so great, and does everything for me. Brr the house is cold. i have to change that. Now it's nice and toasty. Oh no! I'm late for my chat session with Craig.

Hi Craigy-poo!

VI

I wonder what me and my sister are going to have for supper tonight.

I'm really craving Kraft dinner.

It's simple and fast.

10 minutes and it's done.

She took out chicken.

What an idiot. Stupid sisters.

"Alllllllllissssssonnnnnn, I'm making Kraft dinner!"

VII

This is the way things are. No one really cares. We go about our business and despite the fact we're so close. We really aren't. Or maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm on the outside. It's really hard to tell, but I do seem to have too much time on my hand's nowadays. I need a friend. Someone who I can talk to. That's all I want, and it's not even heart to heart talk. Just anything will do. I want to go play pool. I want to go out for coffee. But for some reason I can't attach myself to anyone, and because of that I sit here and write when I should be doing something worth while with my life.

It becomes tiresome to think of how much time has been wasted in a chair. That's a life I can't have back. Do you understand this? Because I am starting to. This is hw I perceive the world around me, and this is how I have become a lonely soul in an otherwise busy house. To think that one could go months without saying a world is absurd, but to think that the other's could go months without noticing is amazing. It amazes me what happened. Time is of the essence. some of us sit on chairs and talk to people. Other's live their time wisely. We only have so much of it. Why not make it something. Did it occur to anyone that if one day the internet, a website, a forum, or a chatroom ever died, we would have nothing to turn to? We will have forgotten how to interact with one another beyond the realm of text. This is the epiphany I have realized, and it's flowing through me like a wind, and it's forced me to look at myself. You can only watch so many movies, until you realize you're the main character. It hit me today.
I can't wait until the day schools are over-funded and the military is forced to hold bake sales to buy planes.

"It's a great thing when you realize you still have the ability to surprise yourself. Makes you wonder what else you can do that you've forgotten about"
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nelison
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Postby beautiful liar » 1/15/2005, 11:35 am

:clap: that was awesome. very nice construction, i liked the way you slowly revealed what was going on. and the epiphony at the end was good fodder for contemplation. good job :)
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Postby nelison » 1/15/2005, 4:36 pm

thanks muchly. I know it's kinda long so I was surprised anyone read it.
I can't wait until the day schools are over-funded and the military is forced to hold bake sales to buy planes.

"It's a great thing when you realize you still have the ability to surprise yourself. Makes you wonder what else you can do that you've forgotten about"
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nelison
Oskar Lifetime Achievement Award: 2006
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Posts: 5660
Joined: 3/16/2002, 9:37 pm

Postby trentm32 » 1/15/2005, 4:46 pm

wicked awesome! I lurved it!!
"When looking up there, I just felt whole, like I belonged. Like one day I too would shine my most brilliant. Sitting there also made me think about sitting through services at my little country church back home. About that never-changing congregation of the same sixty-seven people and everyone has known you since before you were born. Now, out here in the real world, everything just seemed more vivid than when I used to sit in that little pew. That pew that was now so, so far away from where I was. I feared I had somehow left God behind there, too. I feared he was somehow just sitting there, saving my seat on the fifth pew from the front row, just waiting on me to come back. I left so quickly, I worried that he may not have noticed I was gone. And, now, I’m just too far away to find. So he’s just sitting there, patiently waiting on me to come back. I closed my eyes and prayed a moment. I hoped more than anything that he could still hear me." -an excerpt from my novella, A Sea of Fallen Leaves.

<a href="http://www.soundthesirens.com">SoundTheSirens.com</a>
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Postby Random Name » 1/15/2005, 5:10 pm

Very interesting. :nod:
-Sarah

Goodbye you liar,
Well you sipped from the cup but you don't own up to anything
Then you think you will inspire
Take apart your head
(and I wish I could inspire)
Take apart your demons, then you add it to the list.

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Postby Hope » 1/16/2005, 1:46 pm

:drool:
that was SO good. I am completely in love with your first paragraph.
turn your head
come back again
to here knows when

last.fm
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Postby nelison » 1/16/2005, 2:41 pm

thanks!
i needed to get some things off my chest and I figured the CM would be a good place to do it.

The entire first section is verbatim my thoughts as I came home from class the other day. The next 5 paragraphs are extremes of the people I live with, it is supposed to be an example of how someone can sometimes only notice the annoyances and bad things with people. The final paragraph is combination of how I've felt lately with my relationships with friends and the role the internet has played in our lives. Lately I've been struggling with weening myself from the CM more and more. It is really the only place on the net that I visit frequently, and as much as the people here are great, I've realized that I've been slowly isolating myself from "real-life" friends. I just suddenly realized that if this place were to be taken down at some point, what would I have to show for it? In 50 years from now will I be happy that I've spent hours and when added up, days, weeks and probably months worth of time at a chair on the computer talking to people I don't know and will never come into contact with? It's just a thought to ponder, and as much as I don't want everyone to abandon the CM because it is a great place, I think it's something we all need to think about.
I can't wait until the day schools are over-funded and the military is forced to hold bake sales to buy planes.

"It's a great thing when you realize you still have the ability to surprise yourself. Makes you wonder what else you can do that you've forgotten about"
User avatar
nelison
Oskar Lifetime Achievement Award: 2006
Oskar Lifetime Achievement Award: 2006
 
Posts: 5660
Joined: 3/16/2002, 9:37 pm


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