I got off work early today, and hung out at the coffee house for a half hour or so and wrote this. Dig it...
...
“Greatest Fear”
“I’m leaving in an hour,” the boy said. The girl didn’t lift her head at first, but finally rose to say “You’ll be back.” The boy slowly nodded, and lowered his eyes to the floor again. After a few more moments, he said, “This time tomorrow I’ll be in east Manhattan.” She kept her eyes down, “And a week from that, you’ll be on your way back home.”
They just sat there for a long while; her on the couch, him sitting Indian style in the floor, close beside. After finally building up enough courage, he asked her, “What’s your greatest fear?” She lifted her head and looked him in the eyes. Such soft, brown eyes. After thinking for just a second, she replied: “A world with no music.” She lowered her head back toward her magazine as she asked “What’s yours?”
On that cue, he gently lifted himself off of the floor and sat beside the girl on the sofa. “My greatest fear is that one day I’ll finally have a chance to be heard, but I won’t have anything left to say. There are so many people, listened to by so many more people, who don’t really have anything to say. I’m just afraid that, someday if I have my chance, it will have taken so much of me to get to that point that there won’t be anything beautiful left when I make it."
By now she had lifted her eyes from her magazine, and was paying attention. “Worse than that,” he continued, as he placed his nervous hand upon hers, “I’m afraid that I will have something to say, but I won’t have the nerve to say it.” He squeezed her fingers in around his a little tighter. “Or there’ll be something that I’m dying to do, and I won’t have the nerve to do it. One of those things that your mind tells you that you can’t do, but your heart keeps pushing you along.” By now there was a tear creeping down his cheek.
“I love you,” he said. He noticed her lips begin to quiver; she didn’t know what to say. The boy slowly stood up, her hand still in his. “I have to go, call me if you want to… talk.” All she could do was nod, as tears began to well behind her eyes. The boy forced a weak smile, and let her hand fall from his as he walked out of the door.
...
so, what you guys think?
"Greatest Fear" | a very short story
Page 1 of 2 • 1, 2
"Greatest Fear" | a very short story
by trentm32 » 10/5/2004, 12:42 pm
"When looking up there, I just felt whole, like I belonged. Like one day I too would shine my most brilliant. Sitting there also made me think about sitting through services at my little country church back home. About that never-changing congregation of the same sixty-seven people and everyone has known you since before you were born. Now, out here in the real world, everything just seemed more vivid than when I used to sit in that little pew. That pew that was now so, so far away from where I was. I feared I had somehow left God behind there, too. I feared he was somehow just sitting there, saving my seat on the fifth pew from the front row, just waiting on me to come back. I left so quickly, I worried that he may not have noticed I was gone. And, now, I’m just too far away to find. So he’s just sitting there, patiently waiting on me to come back. I closed my eyes and prayed a moment. I hoped more than anything that he could still hear me." -an excerpt from my novella, A Sea of Fallen Leaves.
<a href="http://www.soundthesirens.com">SoundTheSirens.com</a>
<a href="http://www.soundthesirens.com">SoundTheSirens.com</a>
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trentm32 - Oskar Winner: 2005
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by Random Name » 10/5/2004, 12:48 pm
love love love love love love love love love love love love love love it.
-Sarah
Goodbye you liar,
Well you sipped from the cup but you don't own up to anything
Then you think you will inspire
Take apart your head
(and I wish I could inspire)
Take apart your demons, then you add it to the list.
Goodbye you liar,
Well you sipped from the cup but you don't own up to anything
Then you think you will inspire
Take apart your head
(and I wish I could inspire)
Take apart your demons, then you add it to the list.
- Random Name
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by trentm32 » 10/5/2004, 1:01 pm
Thanks Sarah!
I really, really dig it. It's got a certain... flow to it.
I really, really dig it. It's got a certain... flow to it.
"When looking up there, I just felt whole, like I belonged. Like one day I too would shine my most brilliant. Sitting there also made me think about sitting through services at my little country church back home. About that never-changing congregation of the same sixty-seven people and everyone has known you since before you were born. Now, out here in the real world, everything just seemed more vivid than when I used to sit in that little pew. That pew that was now so, so far away from where I was. I feared I had somehow left God behind there, too. I feared he was somehow just sitting there, saving my seat on the fifth pew from the front row, just waiting on me to come back. I left so quickly, I worried that he may not have noticed I was gone. And, now, I’m just too far away to find. So he’s just sitting there, patiently waiting on me to come back. I closed my eyes and prayed a moment. I hoped more than anything that he could still hear me." -an excerpt from my novella, A Sea of Fallen Leaves.
<a href="http://www.soundthesirens.com">SoundTheSirens.com</a>
<a href="http://www.soundthesirens.com">SoundTheSirens.com</a>
-
trentm32 - Oskar Winner: 2005
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by nelison » 10/5/2004, 1:42 pm
It's great. It definitely leaves you wanting to know more about the story, which is always a good sign.
I can't wait until the day schools are over-funded and the military is forced to hold bake sales to buy planes.
"It's a great thing when you realize you still have the ability to surprise yourself. Makes you wonder what else you can do that you've forgotten about"
"It's a great thing when you realize you still have the ability to surprise yourself. Makes you wonder what else you can do that you've forgotten about"
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by trentm32 » 10/5/2004, 4:55 pm
When I personally have the nerve to live the first part, I might add on. 
I've had that talk, and taken that step about a million times in my head.
Or, maybe I'll live vicariously, make it work out in the story, and art'll imitate life.
I've had that talk, and taken that step about a million times in my head.
Or, maybe I'll live vicariously, make it work out in the story, and art'll imitate life.
"When looking up there, I just felt whole, like I belonged. Like one day I too would shine my most brilliant. Sitting there also made me think about sitting through services at my little country church back home. About that never-changing congregation of the same sixty-seven people and everyone has known you since before you were born. Now, out here in the real world, everything just seemed more vivid than when I used to sit in that little pew. That pew that was now so, so far away from where I was. I feared I had somehow left God behind there, too. I feared he was somehow just sitting there, saving my seat on the fifth pew from the front row, just waiting on me to come back. I left so quickly, I worried that he may not have noticed I was gone. And, now, I’m just too far away to find. So he’s just sitting there, patiently waiting on me to come back. I closed my eyes and prayed a moment. I hoped more than anything that he could still hear me." -an excerpt from my novella, A Sea of Fallen Leaves.
<a href="http://www.soundthesirens.com">SoundTheSirens.com</a>
<a href="http://www.soundthesirens.com">SoundTheSirens.com</a>
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trentm32 - Oskar Winner: 2005
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by trentm32 » 10/5/2004, 6:22 pm
Unless something...well... good happens; that'll be the end. Better to have an open ending than a cliched sad one.
"When looking up there, I just felt whole, like I belonged. Like one day I too would shine my most brilliant. Sitting there also made me think about sitting through services at my little country church back home. About that never-changing congregation of the same sixty-seven people and everyone has known you since before you were born. Now, out here in the real world, everything just seemed more vivid than when I used to sit in that little pew. That pew that was now so, so far away from where I was. I feared I had somehow left God behind there, too. I feared he was somehow just sitting there, saving my seat on the fifth pew from the front row, just waiting on me to come back. I left so quickly, I worried that he may not have noticed I was gone. And, now, I’m just too far away to find. So he’s just sitting there, patiently waiting on me to come back. I closed my eyes and prayed a moment. I hoped more than anything that he could still hear me." -an excerpt from my novella, A Sea of Fallen Leaves.
<a href="http://www.soundthesirens.com">SoundTheSirens.com</a>
<a href="http://www.soundthesirens.com">SoundTheSirens.com</a>
-
trentm32 - Oskar Winner: 2005
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by nelison » 10/5/2004, 7:04 pm
ya it works the way it is. When I think about it again it makes the story better not knowing how it ends. It doesn't feel really cliche having it end the way it does.
I also pictured that story being the end to some a Dawson's Creek episode... Sorry if that's a bad thing but that's how I felt, and it is meant to be a compliment.
I also pictured that story being the end to some a Dawson's Creek episode... Sorry if that's a bad thing but that's how I felt, and it is meant to be a compliment.
I can't wait until the day schools are over-funded and the military is forced to hold bake sales to buy planes.
"It's a great thing when you realize you still have the ability to surprise yourself. Makes you wonder what else you can do that you've forgotten about"
"It's a great thing when you realize you still have the ability to surprise yourself. Makes you wonder what else you can do that you've forgotten about"
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nelison - Oskar Lifetime Achievement Award: 2006
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by trentm32 » 10/5/2004, 7:10 pm
No offense at all; I'm an 'in the closet' Dawson's Creek fan.
Whenever I'm outta class, and don't have to work, I watch it on TBS in the late mornings.
Whenever I'm outta class, and don't have to work, I watch it on TBS in the late mornings.
"When looking up there, I just felt whole, like I belonged. Like one day I too would shine my most brilliant. Sitting there also made me think about sitting through services at my little country church back home. About that never-changing congregation of the same sixty-seven people and everyone has known you since before you were born. Now, out here in the real world, everything just seemed more vivid than when I used to sit in that little pew. That pew that was now so, so far away from where I was. I feared I had somehow left God behind there, too. I feared he was somehow just sitting there, saving my seat on the fifth pew from the front row, just waiting on me to come back. I left so quickly, I worried that he may not have noticed I was gone. And, now, I’m just too far away to find. So he’s just sitting there, patiently waiting on me to come back. I closed my eyes and prayed a moment. I hoped more than anything that he could still hear me." -an excerpt from my novella, A Sea of Fallen Leaves.
<a href="http://www.soundthesirens.com">SoundTheSirens.com</a>
<a href="http://www.soundthesirens.com">SoundTheSirens.com</a>
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trentm32 - Oskar Winner: 2005
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by megxyz128 » 10/5/2004, 7:16 pm
trentm32 wrote:No offense at all; I'm an 'in the closet' Dawson's Creek fan.
Whenever I'm outta class, and don't have to work, I watch it on TBS in the late mornings.
omg i'm a totally out dawson's creek fan. i don't know what i'd do without tbs. andie was on csi:miami last night, i was like, woah brown hair.
- megan.
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by trentm32 » 10/5/2004, 7:22 pm
sweeeet. I never liked her that much; always more of a Joey fan, myself. 
Also, I wholeheartedly am a fan of Pacey getting Joey. Go underdogs!
Also, I wholeheartedly am a fan of Pacey getting Joey. Go underdogs!
"When looking up there, I just felt whole, like I belonged. Like one day I too would shine my most brilliant. Sitting there also made me think about sitting through services at my little country church back home. About that never-changing congregation of the same sixty-seven people and everyone has known you since before you were born. Now, out here in the real world, everything just seemed more vivid than when I used to sit in that little pew. That pew that was now so, so far away from where I was. I feared I had somehow left God behind there, too. I feared he was somehow just sitting there, saving my seat on the fifth pew from the front row, just waiting on me to come back. I left so quickly, I worried that he may not have noticed I was gone. And, now, I’m just too far away to find. So he’s just sitting there, patiently waiting on me to come back. I closed my eyes and prayed a moment. I hoped more than anything that he could still hear me." -an excerpt from my novella, A Sea of Fallen Leaves.
<a href="http://www.soundthesirens.com">SoundTheSirens.com</a>
<a href="http://www.soundthesirens.com">SoundTheSirens.com</a>
-
trentm32 - Oskar Winner: 2005
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- Joined: 3/17/2002, 2:51 pm
- Location: my heart is in New York.
by nelison » 10/5/2004, 7:35 pm
gotta love the creek! I have all the episodes on tape. 18 Full tapes of pure Creek.
I can't wait until the day schools are over-funded and the military is forced to hold bake sales to buy planes.
"It's a great thing when you realize you still have the ability to surprise yourself. Makes you wonder what else you can do that you've forgotten about"
"It's a great thing when you realize you still have the ability to surprise yourself. Makes you wonder what else you can do that you've forgotten about"
-
nelison - Oskar Lifetime Achievement Award: 2006
- Posts: 5660
- Joined: 3/16/2002, 9:37 pm
by trentm32 » 10/5/2004, 7:43 pm
I wanna pick 'em up on DVD; but I ain't got the cash.
"When looking up there, I just felt whole, like I belonged. Like one day I too would shine my most brilliant. Sitting there also made me think about sitting through services at my little country church back home. About that never-changing congregation of the same sixty-seven people and everyone has known you since before you were born. Now, out here in the real world, everything just seemed more vivid than when I used to sit in that little pew. That pew that was now so, so far away from where I was. I feared I had somehow left God behind there, too. I feared he was somehow just sitting there, saving my seat on the fifth pew from the front row, just waiting on me to come back. I left so quickly, I worried that he may not have noticed I was gone. And, now, I’m just too far away to find. So he’s just sitting there, patiently waiting on me to come back. I closed my eyes and prayed a moment. I hoped more than anything that he could still hear me." -an excerpt from my novella, A Sea of Fallen Leaves.
<a href="http://www.soundthesirens.com">SoundTheSirens.com</a>
<a href="http://www.soundthesirens.com">SoundTheSirens.com</a>
-
trentm32 - Oskar Winner: 2005
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- Joined: 3/17/2002, 2:51 pm
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by happening fish » 10/5/2004, 11:46 pm
Ahh I really really dug that, dude. Very nice job.
awkward is the new cool
[url]gutterhome.blogspot.com[/url]
[url]gutterhome.blogspot.com[/url]
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by starseed_10 » 10/6/2004, 4:45 am
It's weird. On the one hand I want to know, but on the other I like it just the way it is. I say leave it as it is.
i wouldn't risk adding on. it's soooo good as is.-
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by trentm32 » 10/6/2004, 2:45 pm
starseed_10 wrote:It's weird. On the one hand I want to know, but on the other I like it just the way it is. I say leave it as it is.
thanks."When looking up there, I just felt whole, like I belonged. Like one day I too would shine my most brilliant. Sitting there also made me think about sitting through services at my little country church back home. About that never-changing congregation of the same sixty-seven people and everyone has known you since before you were born. Now, out here in the real world, everything just seemed more vivid than when I used to sit in that little pew. That pew that was now so, so far away from where I was. I feared I had somehow left God behind there, too. I feared he was somehow just sitting there, saving my seat on the fifth pew from the front row, just waiting on me to come back. I left so quickly, I worried that he may not have noticed I was gone. And, now, I’m just too far away to find. So he’s just sitting there, patiently waiting on me to come back. I closed my eyes and prayed a moment. I hoped more than anything that he could still hear me." -an excerpt from my novella, A Sea of Fallen Leaves.
<a href="http://www.soundthesirens.com">SoundTheSirens.com</a>
<a href="http://www.soundthesirens.com">SoundTheSirens.com</a>
-
trentm32 - Oskar Winner: 2005
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- Joined: 3/17/2002, 2:51 pm
- Location: my heart is in New York.
by trentm32 » 10/19/2004, 8:16 pm
I didn't want to mess with the ending on this, but I got to stream of conciousness-ing, and this came out. I don't want to technically add on, so this is an UNofficial continuance. Bladaw.
>>> Unofficial Continuance To "Greatest Fear" >>>
“Do you know when I was happiest?” the boy asked the girl, almost whispering into the phone’s receiver as his car careens down the dark road. “When?” she meekly answered, fighting hard to hold back tears. “Six months ago. It was a Sunday afternoon, and you and I were talking about going to get something for lunch. We were sitting in a store's parking lot, on the back of my truck.” The boy paused a moment; the girl didn’t say anything, as she tried so desperately to remember. “You hopped up beside me,” he continued. “And you sat right beside me, and gently laid your head on my shoulder. Then you said…”
“…I have to run back in for a second; do you care to wait on me?” she finished, barely, each word fighting through sobs. “It was then I realized that I would wait,” he continued. “I would sit on the back of that truck and wait forever; if that’s how long it took for you to make it back to me. It was then I knew how I felt. That I wanted more from us than what it had always been. I needed to be more than just your friend. It was in that moment that I realized that I loved you. With your head on my shoulder, and your eyes looking up into mine… I just knew.” He had to stop. He was crying too hard to say anymore, and he couldn’t even remember the last time he looked to the road.
They both just sat there on the phone, crying; the boy still not knowing if the girl called him out of an effort to salvage their friendship, or something more. The rain was beating down harder now. It was pouring in torrents all around. The boy felt as if he were gliding on air. After a few more moments, the girl tried to say something. The boy looked back to the road again and noticed a tunnel approaching. The girl finally gained her composure, and started. “I—…” It was all he could make out before his car entered, the phone’s connection fading away as the concrete closed in around.
>>> Unofficial Continuance To "Greatest Fear" >>>
“Do you know when I was happiest?” the boy asked the girl, almost whispering into the phone’s receiver as his car careens down the dark road. “When?” she meekly answered, fighting hard to hold back tears. “Six months ago. It was a Sunday afternoon, and you and I were talking about going to get something for lunch. We were sitting in a store's parking lot, on the back of my truck.” The boy paused a moment; the girl didn’t say anything, as she tried so desperately to remember. “You hopped up beside me,” he continued. “And you sat right beside me, and gently laid your head on my shoulder. Then you said…”
“…I have to run back in for a second; do you care to wait on me?” she finished, barely, each word fighting through sobs. “It was then I realized that I would wait,” he continued. “I would sit on the back of that truck and wait forever; if that’s how long it took for you to make it back to me. It was then I knew how I felt. That I wanted more from us than what it had always been. I needed to be more than just your friend. It was in that moment that I realized that I loved you. With your head on my shoulder, and your eyes looking up into mine… I just knew.” He had to stop. He was crying too hard to say anymore, and he couldn’t even remember the last time he looked to the road.
They both just sat there on the phone, crying; the boy still not knowing if the girl called him out of an effort to salvage their friendship, or something more. The rain was beating down harder now. It was pouring in torrents all around. The boy felt as if he were gliding on air. After a few more moments, the girl tried to say something. The boy looked back to the road again and noticed a tunnel approaching. The girl finally gained her composure, and started. “I—…” It was all he could make out before his car entered, the phone’s connection fading away as the concrete closed in around.
"When looking up there, I just felt whole, like I belonged. Like one day I too would shine my most brilliant. Sitting there also made me think about sitting through services at my little country church back home. About that never-changing congregation of the same sixty-seven people and everyone has known you since before you were born. Now, out here in the real world, everything just seemed more vivid than when I used to sit in that little pew. That pew that was now so, so far away from where I was. I feared I had somehow left God behind there, too. I feared he was somehow just sitting there, saving my seat on the fifth pew from the front row, just waiting on me to come back. I left so quickly, I worried that he may not have noticed I was gone. And, now, I’m just too far away to find. So he’s just sitting there, patiently waiting on me to come back. I closed my eyes and prayed a moment. I hoped more than anything that he could still hear me." -an excerpt from my novella, A Sea of Fallen Leaves.
<a href="http://www.soundthesirens.com">SoundTheSirens.com</a>
<a href="http://www.soundthesirens.com">SoundTheSirens.com</a>
-
trentm32 - Oskar Winner: 2005
- Posts: 2272
- Joined: 3/17/2002, 2:51 pm
- Location: my heart is in New York.
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