ClumsyMonkey.net

ed

Show off your art.
A pop-up book of flowers from grade 4 are driving her insane...

Postby trentm32 » 4/7/2005, 9:42 pm

edited the entire scene, I'll just post the new parts, let me know whatcha think...

...

FALLEN LEAVES (EDITED SECTION FROM LAST UPDATE)...

...

“That doesn’t matter... I forgive you… do you know, now? Do you know, Alex?” By now she had pulled back, and the oceans in her eyes were staring deeper into me than anyone had ever looked before. “I… I don’t know. And, I can’t do this, if I don’t know. I just… I can’t. I’m sorry, Jules… I’m sorry.” She’d never looked so broken. She’d never looked so beautiful. At this she finally backed away from me. The flush of vulnerable emotion in her face vanished almost as quickly as it had appeared. I hated to see it go. I knew she was putting her masks back on. She finally opened up, and all she got was pain. Her voice adopted a tinge of detachment. “So you’re leaving?” I just nodded. “If… if there’s nothing I can do to change your mind… then just go, Alex. Just get the hell out. Just go, please.” I lowered my head as I walked back by her. I shakily handed my key back to her. I could feel her tense up as our fingers grazed.

At this I finally made myself look at her. One last time. “Jules… you’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met,” She paused to gain her breath. “I’ll still be waiting,” she weakly uttered; trying desperately to maintain her faux façade of stone. I could see the cracks in the concrete.

I just couldn’t make myself leave yet. We just stood there, staring into each others eyes. Before I even knew what had happened we were kissing. Kissing goodbye. It was as if we both knew it would be the last time. I finally pulled away, and as I did, for the first and only time, I held her gaze. For a brief, shining moment I humbly held a shaking sway over her. I was finally strong enough to walk away. I turned my head toward the door, and made myself walk out it.

As I finally shut the door behind me, I was drowned in a wave of regret. Not because I thought I had made a mistake; to this day I stand firmly to my decision to walk out that door. It was just the fact that I had done it. I had made a decision that, in my mind, seemed irreversible. Walking out that door was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done in my life. I cared about her. Hell, I might have even actually loved her. But it just didn’t feel right. I wasn’t ready. She wasn’t ready. We were just too damn young. I hated more than anything to admit that to myself. Ever since I was a kid, I always got defensive when someone would tell me I was ‘too young’. It really stings when you figure it out for yourself. I wiped my tears off onto my sleeve, and slowly made my way back down to Josh’s car. Once I was at the front of the building, I looked up to it one last time. It looked smaller than it ever had before. The vines were like blades of grass, inching up alongside an aged matchbox. I quickly put my sunglasses on, and finally got in the car.

The radio was set to a classical station; a composition by Beethoven filled my ears on the way back to the hotel. Once I was there, I just sat in the car until the song was over. Throughout the medley, the beauty was marred by a weakened crackle; two tiny speakers failing desperately to contain a symphony.

When I got out of the car, I wasn’t ready to talk to, well, anyone yet; so I just lay down on the hood of the car. With my head propped on the windshield, I just lay there for a long while. I just watched the clouds drift across the solid, blue sky. Once I couldn’t think of anything else to think about, I made my way back toward the room.

When I walked in, Josh was putting his shoes on. Without looking up he asked “So, how’d it go?” I replied with a question. “When does life slow down?” Without even pausing he shot back: “I don’t know—when you’re dead, maybe?” I just shrugged. I walked over to Josh’s guitar that was sitting propped against the bed. I picked it up and began strumming from C to G, and back again. The only two chords I know. After a few moments I popped the strings still and looked up; “So, where’s the first show?”

“A little bar in Bangor,” Josh replied, still fiddling with his shoelaces. He paused for a second, and tossed a duffel bag at me; “Here roadie, make yourself useful,” he jokingly said. I just chuckled, and lugged the bag outside, and tossed it in the trunk. Once I made it back in, he finally had his shoe tied. “Ready to hit the road?” he asked me. I just nodded and walked out of the tiny room. Once in the sunshine I breathed in a deep breath. Knowing full-well it would probably be the last time I was in Florence I savored it, and finally slid into the passenger seat of the beaten, old Civic.

...
"When looking up there, I just felt whole, like I belonged. Like one day I too would shine my most brilliant. Sitting there also made me think about sitting through services at my little country church back home. About that never-changing congregation of the same sixty-seven people and everyone has known you since before you were born. Now, out here in the real world, everything just seemed more vivid than when I used to sit in that little pew. That pew that was now so, so far away from where I was. I feared I had somehow left God behind there, too. I feared he was somehow just sitting there, saving my seat on the fifth pew from the front row, just waiting on me to come back. I left so quickly, I worried that he may not have noticed I was gone. And, now, I’m just too far away to find. So he’s just sitting there, patiently waiting on me to come back. I closed my eyes and prayed a moment. I hoped more than anything that he could still hear me." -an excerpt from my novella, A Sea of Fallen Leaves.

<a href="http://www.soundthesirens.com">SoundTheSirens.com</a>
User avatar
trentm32
Oskar Winner: 2005
Oskar Winner: 2005
 
Posts: 2272
Joined: 3/17/2002, 2:51 pm
Location: my heart is in New York.

Postby trentm32 » 4/15/2005, 10:51 am

FALLEN LEAVES - .NEXT CHUNK. >>

...

We were early, parking was simple enough, and we made our way in to find the manager. Once we walked in the door, we met what I will only call opposition. “I.D.,” a large, thick, muscular black man bellowed. Arms crossed, a skin-tight tank-top ripped across his muscles. We just stared up at him. I looked to Josh to speak.

“We… umm… I… am Josh.” He just stared at us. “I’m… umm… playing tonight.” The man just looked at us. First at Josh, then me, and back to Josh. He finally turned to his side to allow us by. “This way,” he led. Of course, we followed. We went down a hallway with peeling paint, to an office with the word “manager” scratched onto the door by a knife. I swallowed hard. We walked in, the bouncer guarding the door behind us, and found a beaten desk, with an old chair behind it. In the old chair sat an old man. “What the ‘ell do you want?” he whirled around. Again, I looked to Josh. “I’m…umm… Josh. I’m… booked to play tonight.” The old guy just looked us up and down. “Name’s Cooper,” he finally hissed, a tint of disdain openly in his voice. “Nice to meet you,” Josh and I said at the same time—both extending our hands to shake his.

He just looked at our outreached hands and rolled his eyes. “Yeah, whatever. You go on at nine. If you’re late, you’re gone. The latch on the backdoor is broken, so just give it a good shove to get in before your set.” “Alright, thanks,” Josh said. We all stood there, not exactly sure what we were supposed to do next. After about six seconds, Cooper broke the silence with a “What are you still here for—get the hell out,” and his hands shoeing up toward the door. Once we made it out of the place, I just looked at Josh. He knew what I was thinking. “Seemed like a nice guy, aye?” he mockingly asked. All I could do was shake my head and laugh.

We remembered thoroughly where the Hell Box was, and made our way out to the better parts of town. We found a Barnes & Noble, and killed our time in there thumbing through books, and drinking complimentary coffee. At about eight ‘o clock we headed back to the Hell Box. Parking was a bit harder than during the day, but the place was still pretty empty. We went around back; descended some shakily old stairs, found the badly spray-painted door, and let ourselves in with a good shove. At about ten ‘till nine, we made our way to the stage. Or, to better describe, to the slightly raised corner of room. I hooked up the pedal board and the couple of wires required, while Josh tuned his guitar. At nine, Cooper walked out on the stage, and didn’t even look at Josh. He walked to the mike, said “this is Joe,” and walked back off. I just looked at Josh and smiled. He pulled to mike to his face. “Actually, the name is Josh.” Nobody seemed to be paying attention. I let out an exaggerated “Yelp!” Again, no one noticed.

Josh just started playing. He opened with a Bob Dylan cover, and then extended into a little Tom Petty. A few people were half-heartedly listening. He slipped in a few originals (including one of them I helped him out on), and then suddenly a sharp crackle and hiss shot through the room. The left speaker was smoking, and the crowd had fallen completely silent; not to mention partially deaf. Josh looked at me with a patented ‘holy shit’ look. I just shrugged my shoulders. Almost on cue, Cooper stormed out onto the stage, and slammed off all the surge protectors. “Get the hell out of my bar. Now!” he bellowed as he shot by Josh. I jumped on stage with Josh to help him get his stuff together. As we were walking into the back, I asked Josh. “So… when do you get paid?” “I dunno,” he replied. A smile spread across his face. “Let’s go ask!” We headed to Cooper’s office. He was pouring a glass of Jack Daniel’s into a beer mug.

When we walked in the open door, we were met with a “I told you to get the hell out!” Josh looked over at me, quickly losing the whimsical nerve he had somehow developed on the walk to the door. “I… umm… haven’t gotten paid yet.” “Paid!? You broke me equipment—I’m not giving you a dime!” As politely as he could say it, Josh eked out “But, that wasn’t my fault.” At this, Cooper leapt from his chair. “The Hell it… get out!” I finally spoke. I breathed in a deep breath, and squeaked out a submissive “Yes, sir,” as Josh and I shot out the door.

It only took us a few seconds to jet out of the back door, and jump into the car. As we pulled out of the parking lot, I said “Well… that went well.” All Josh could say was “Hmph.” After we drove a few minutes, I finally asked “So, where we going?” “Hotel,” Josh replied. “Cool,” I nodded.

Like most low-brow hotels, the room was small, with two little beds. We slept like rocks. Accept for us, the hotel was completely empty. The clerk told us not to worry about check-out; just to be gone by the next night. We slept until the early afternoon. With both of us showered and better smelling, we set out at four-thirty that evening to find our next place. It was a bar a town over called Big Al’s. The directions Josh had were perfect, and we came right to the place. This side of town was a lot better than the Hell Box. Nice enough looking building, cool, and neon sign. This was more my cup of tea.

When we walked in, we just headed to the bartender. “Howdy fellas, what can I do for you?” Josh spoke up. “I’m looking for the manager—I’m scheduled to play tonight.” “Ohh, you must be Josh—I’m Big Al. Nice to meet you, son.” “Likewise,” we all exchanged pleasantries. “You boys look like you’re starving! Have a seat, I’ll get y’all a couple of burgers, on the house.”

...
"When looking up there, I just felt whole, like I belonged. Like one day I too would shine my most brilliant. Sitting there also made me think about sitting through services at my little country church back home. About that never-changing congregation of the same sixty-seven people and everyone has known you since before you were born. Now, out here in the real world, everything just seemed more vivid than when I used to sit in that little pew. That pew that was now so, so far away from where I was. I feared I had somehow left God behind there, too. I feared he was somehow just sitting there, saving my seat on the fifth pew from the front row, just waiting on me to come back. I left so quickly, I worried that he may not have noticed I was gone. And, now, I’m just too far away to find. So he’s just sitting there, patiently waiting on me to come back. I closed my eyes and prayed a moment. I hoped more than anything that he could still hear me." -an excerpt from my novella, A Sea of Fallen Leaves.

<a href="http://www.soundthesirens.com">SoundTheSirens.com</a>
User avatar
trentm32
Oskar Winner: 2005
Oskar Winner: 2005
 
Posts: 2272
Joined: 3/17/2002, 2:51 pm
Location: my heart is in New York.

Postby Random Name » 4/15/2005, 11:52 am

I could see the cracks in the concrete.

Sooo good. I love that line.
That also doesn't happen to be a OLP reference does it?


I also really like the parallel of "oceans in her eyes" and "I was drowned in a wave of regret" It's really good imagry. Tres belle.

I enjoyed the shitty gig. That was also fun. Except for the part where Josh turned into a pirate. You should go all out and give him an eyepatch! :yarr:
-Sarah

Goodbye you liar,
Well you sipped from the cup but you don't own up to anything
Then you think you will inspire
Take apart your head
(and I wish I could inspire)
Take apart your demons, then you add it to the list.

Random Name
Oskar Winner: 2007
Oskar Winner: 2007
 
Posts: 10134
Joined: 8/16/2003, 2:57 pm
Location: New Finland

Postby trentm32 » 4/15/2005, 12:06 pm

thanks so muchly-- I was afraid I was being too vague with the connections. The concrete statement came from both OLP, and a recent song I'd written; just kind of stuck on concrete metaphor :P

I hope to have the story done within a month or so

*crosses fingers*

I'm gonna try to have some fun on the tour (it'll probably just run another show or two 'till he goes after Cass)... then get into it...

I can't wait to get started banging out my next one! I have half a notebook of stuff waiting to be used, and I'l super-psyched. I just read Leonard Cohen's The Favorite Game, and I LOOOOVE the way he layed out that book. I'm gonna try my best to somewhat adapt it to tell my story (mostly autobiographical). I've learned so much writing 'Fallen Leaves' that I think I can finally, I dunno, do my little tale justice :P

I can't wait!
"When looking up there, I just felt whole, like I belonged. Like one day I too would shine my most brilliant. Sitting there also made me think about sitting through services at my little country church back home. About that never-changing congregation of the same sixty-seven people and everyone has known you since before you were born. Now, out here in the real world, everything just seemed more vivid than when I used to sit in that little pew. That pew that was now so, so far away from where I was. I feared I had somehow left God behind there, too. I feared he was somehow just sitting there, saving my seat on the fifth pew from the front row, just waiting on me to come back. I left so quickly, I worried that he may not have noticed I was gone. And, now, I’m just too far away to find. So he’s just sitting there, patiently waiting on me to come back. I closed my eyes and prayed a moment. I hoped more than anything that he could still hear me." -an excerpt from my novella, A Sea of Fallen Leaves.

<a href="http://www.soundthesirens.com">SoundTheSirens.com</a>
User avatar
trentm32
Oskar Winner: 2005
Oskar Winner: 2005
 
Posts: 2272
Joined: 3/17/2002, 2:51 pm
Location: my heart is in New York.

Postby Random Name » 5/12/2005, 1:32 pm

Update now please thanks.




And take out the pirate reference!! Its spelt 'Eh', damnit!
-Sarah

Goodbye you liar,
Well you sipped from the cup but you don't own up to anything
Then you think you will inspire
Take apart your head
(and I wish I could inspire)
Take apart your demons, then you add it to the list.

Random Name
Oskar Winner: 2007
Oskar Winner: 2007
 
Posts: 10134
Joined: 8/16/2003, 2:57 pm
Location: New Finland

Postby trentm32 » 5/13/2005, 9:42 am

I'lll try my best; been MAD busy lately :(

I miss you guys!
"When looking up there, I just felt whole, like I belonged. Like one day I too would shine my most brilliant. Sitting there also made me think about sitting through services at my little country church back home. About that never-changing congregation of the same sixty-seven people and everyone has known you since before you were born. Now, out here in the real world, everything just seemed more vivid than when I used to sit in that little pew. That pew that was now so, so far away from where I was. I feared I had somehow left God behind there, too. I feared he was somehow just sitting there, saving my seat on the fifth pew from the front row, just waiting on me to come back. I left so quickly, I worried that he may not have noticed I was gone. And, now, I’m just too far away to find. So he’s just sitting there, patiently waiting on me to come back. I closed my eyes and prayed a moment. I hoped more than anything that he could still hear me." -an excerpt from my novella, A Sea of Fallen Leaves.

<a href="http://www.soundthesirens.com">SoundTheSirens.com</a>
User avatar
trentm32
Oskar Winner: 2005
Oskar Winner: 2005
 
Posts: 2272
Joined: 3/17/2002, 2:51 pm
Location: my heart is in New York.

Postby robcore » 6/28/2005, 11:13 pm

I NEED more of this novella! YOu are brilliant Trent and it's killing me that i can't read more!
Don't ask questions, just accept it.
Image
robcore
 
Posts: 1126
Joined: 3/15/2002, 11:21 pm

Postby trentm32 » 6/30/2005, 1:25 pm

thanks Robbo! I've been mad busy lately, (still) had a LOT happen on the real-life side of things (gewd stuff, though) and I haven't had much time to work on it. I had considered not finishing it, and moving onto my next piece; but I've since changed my mind, and decided to finish it! I'll try to get some in the coming days or so...

I miss you guys! *misses the CM, and internet*
"When looking up there, I just felt whole, like I belonged. Like one day I too would shine my most brilliant. Sitting there also made me think about sitting through services at my little country church back home. About that never-changing congregation of the same sixty-seven people and everyone has known you since before you were born. Now, out here in the real world, everything just seemed more vivid than when I used to sit in that little pew. That pew that was now so, so far away from where I was. I feared I had somehow left God behind there, too. I feared he was somehow just sitting there, saving my seat on the fifth pew from the front row, just waiting on me to come back. I left so quickly, I worried that he may not have noticed I was gone. And, now, I’m just too far away to find. So he’s just sitting there, patiently waiting on me to come back. I closed my eyes and prayed a moment. I hoped more than anything that he could still hear me." -an excerpt from my novella, A Sea of Fallen Leaves.

<a href="http://www.soundthesirens.com">SoundTheSirens.com</a>
User avatar
trentm32
Oskar Winner: 2005
Oskar Winner: 2005
 
Posts: 2272
Joined: 3/17/2002, 2:51 pm
Location: my heart is in New York.

Postby Random Name » 6/30/2005, 3:03 pm

Image

Finish or face certain death.
-Sarah

Goodbye you liar,
Well you sipped from the cup but you don't own up to anything
Then you think you will inspire
Take apart your head
(and I wish I could inspire)
Take apart your demons, then you add it to the list.

Random Name
Oskar Winner: 2007
Oskar Winner: 2007
 
Posts: 10134
Joined: 8/16/2003, 2:57 pm
Location: New Finland

Postby trentm32 » 7/8/2005, 12:03 pm

>>FALLEN LEAVES>> FINAL CHUNK!!

Well my friends, after an insane amount of time, the story finally comes to a close. I've been working on it a lot lately, and somehow I found the end! It's scary, I know! This is my first draft on this part; so give my caboodles of feedback so I can polish it up and make it all pretty. :)

I'll post the entire first draft of the entire manuscript in another thread (including the TONS and TONS of rewrites and continuity changes I've made), so PLEASE read it in full form to completely follow the small details, etc., etc., etc.

http://www.clumsymonkey.net/phpBB2/view ... 781#518781

Also *random* I've change the stories name BACK to "A Grey Evening in the Fall," (atleast for now) because I want to use "Fallen Leaves" for my next piece. :)

final part of Entire Manuscript (First Draft):



Gah! I'm so excited!! FEEDBACK!

...

“Wow, thanks!” is all we could say. As hungry as we were, Big Al’s little burger was the best thing I had ever eaten.
We had about half an hour until the set, so Al showed us around to a back room where we could warm up, and get ready to play. It was a little ten foot by ten foot room with carpeted walls for soundproofing. There were two small chairs and a soundboard in the corner. I lay down on the carpeted floor while Josh took care of some last minute tuning.

a snapshot of you leaving
hanging in my hand
the words I had
still in my head
just to watch you
walk away, instead

He whispered out the lyrics of an original he’d written after watching one too many chick flicks. Everything was flowing well, sounding good. I nodded along, humming the melody under my breath. Pretty soon Al poked the door open and listened for a few seconds.
“Sounding good, guys—sounding good. You’re on in five, bud,” he cheerily announced. We thanked him, and gathered the equipment together to head onto stage. The stage was spacious, and there were at least twenty or so people there, lingering around, just hanging out. Not a bad crowd, for sure. I got Josh sat up in a minute or two, then Al bounced out onto the stage and took the mike.
“I’d like everyone to give a warm welcome to Josh, here; hell of a talented kid.” With that he nodded to a moderate applause. Josh was beaming.

and I'll just
give it all away
to anyone who'll take
forever, or just today
it's everything
everything

The set went phenomenally. The crowd was singing along to everything, even trying to catch on to the originals, by the end of it all. After a little over two hours of playing Josh walked off stage to a resounding applause. I’d never seen him so happy. This is what he s destined to do. It made me feel important merely being a part of it.
I picked up the little bit of equipment after he walked off stage, ad met him a minute later in the carpeted sound stage. He was dripping with sweat; his smile spread ever further than when he walked off stage.
“So! How was it!?” he excitedly asked me.
“Awesome, man; awesome!” We exchanged excited high-fives. After a minute or two, Big Al came in to say hi.
“Great job, son! Great job! I’ve got your money here… but I’ve got a bit of a proposition for you. If you want to make an extra $400, tonight, listen up for a second; alright, fellas?”
We looked at each other confusedly. A mutual,
“Okay,” was soon uttered.
“There’s this bar a town over, place called The Hell Box, and I’m trying to find out some… information about the place. You see, I want to buy the location to franchise Big Al’s out… but the owner there, this jerk-off named Cooper, has me by the balls with a high asking price. What I need to find out is how much money they bring down a month. What I need, boys, is there finance books.” Josh and I just looked at each other. I finally spoke.
“So… you’re asking us to break in, and steal their finance books?”
“Whoa now boys, I could never do that—it’s illegal,” at this he winked at us. “But, if you happened to come across this information, which I happen to know is kept in Cooper’s desk drawer in his office, I would be willing to pay highly for it.” Josh and I again looked at each other.
“Can we have a sec?” Josh asked Al.
“Absolutely boys, I’ll be back in a couple of minutes.”
Once Big Al was gone, Josh was the first to say something.
“You know… we could really use the money… that’s, like, $200 a piece… and Cooper’s a pretty big asshole…” I just looked back at him.
“I know man… isn’t the back door lock broken at the Hell Box?...”
At this the decision was made. When Big Al came back in, we agreed to meet him at this all night diner in town at nine the next morning with the documents.
Josh and I went to our fleabag motel room to kill time, while we waited until it was time to strike. We halfheartedly watched Fresh Prince of Bel-Air re-runs while we waited. An excited nervousness haunted the room. We arrived at the Hell Box at about five in the morning. The place was completely empty when we got there. We parked down the street, and crept our way around the building. We slowly climbed the small fence surrounding the property. Everything was completely silent. I had never done anything illegal in my entire life. I was terrified. At the door we stopped. Josh looked me in the eyes.
“Let’s just get in, get it, and get out. You ready?” My hands were shaking. I took a couple of deep breaths.
“Yeah; I’m ready.” We gave a nod of agreement, and stealthily shoved the door open. I poked my head in first. The hallway was clear. Cooper’s office was down the hall. We decided Josh would keep watch, while I crept in to steal the finance book from Cooper’s desk. I tip-toed the entire way there. Cooper’s office door was slightly open. The desk lamp was still on. I could see the green finance book open on his desk. I crept in, picked it up, and checked the cover. I read it aloud.
“‘Finances’. Guess that’s it.” I tucked the book under my arm. Once I made it halfway back through the darkened hallway, I heard someone come out of the bathroom across from the office.
“Who the hell’s there?!” It was Cooper. I bolted, and yelled to Josh,
“Run!”
Cooper bolted into his office and came out with a six shooter revolver flailing around. Obscenities and bullets rang wildly through the air. We were already halfway to the fence by the time Cooper made it out of the door.
We tore across the completely darkened back lot, and literally flung our bodies over the locked gate we had so stealthily climbed only minutes before. I could still hear Cooper cursing us long after he ran out of bullets. We dove into the car, and took off as fast as we could. After a minute Josh looked over to me.
“Did he, like, recognize you?”
“Nah, I doubt it; it was really dark.” I was still breathing heavily.
“So… did you get it?” I held him in suspense for a moment, and finally lifted the green book up while I smiled widely.
“But of course, my partner in crime!” We laughed like idiots the rest of the way back to the hotel. Along the way I flipped on the interior light and thumbed through the book. It had financial reports for the whole year.
“Sweet!” I exclaimed.
“So that’s it, right?” I nodded an exaggerated nod.
“Awesome! Now lets try to get a little sleep before nine. Cool?”
“You got it, bro.”
We made it back to the hotel in a couple of minutes, and just laid up talking about the night we’d just had—both of us far too excited to sleep. At a few minutes ‘till eight, we got up and started getting dressed and showered (not in that order), and headed for the diner to meet Big Al. When we got there, he was already there; eating a breakfast of bacon and eggs.
“Well! Fancy running into you guys here! Anything I can do for you?” I slid the book out of my duffel.
“You have the money?”
“Why yes; I sure do, gentlemen.” He opened his wallet and pulled out four worn hundred dollar bills. We swapped at the same time. While Josh and I put the money into our wallets, Big Al skimmed through the book.
“Yep; this is it. Great doing business with you, young men.” We were beaming with pride. I felt so free; having actually gotten away with something.
“Ditto, Big Al; ditto.” At that, Josh and I strolled out of that diner a little richer. I felt like I was on top of the world. We had a day or two off until the next show, which was at a little bar in Manhattan, so I asked Josh if he’d mind swinging through Florence for me, so I could check my mail. We swapped up driving shifts, and took naps on the way there.
About halfway there, I was thumbing through my journal when a snapshot of Cassie fell out from a bind.
“Whoa,” Josh exclaimed. “Who’s the hottie?” I chuckled a little bit.
“Her? That’s Cassie; one of my best friends since, like, ever.”
“Old flame?”
“Huh? No—never. Just…friends, man.”
“Hmm. So, Alex; what do you miss most about home?” My eyes solely drifted down to the snapshot in my hand.
“That’s what I thought. Why didn’t you ever tell her you have feelings for her?”
“What? I, I don’t we’re just… friends.”
“Right. ‘Just friends,’ pfft. I’ve been there before. It’s called denial, my friend.”
“Whatever, man.” I turned my head out toward the trees whipping quickly by as we drove. I got to thinking. About all the time we had spent together, all the all night conversations. All the times I had stared into her eyes, and known she would always be there for me. No matter what, she would be always be there. My mind suddenly flashed to this time when we were both sixteen. We had gone to the park, like we always did, just to hang out and walk around. When, just as the sun was setting, we just stopped talking and looked each other in the eyes.
I brushed the hair from her face, and we kissed. It was… amazing. Still, the best kiss I think I’ve ever had. But, after that, we didn’t know what to really do, so we both embarrassedly went home, and seemed to forget that it ever even happened. It almost felt like just a dream now. I suddenly shot my head up.
“Holy shit… I love her. I… I just didn’t know. It wasn’t just some stupid feeling in my stomach like everything else. I just couldn’t see it because it’s, it’s always been there.” Josh just started laughing,
“I could have told you that, moron. Would you ever figure anything out without me?”
“So…what do I do now?”
“You tell her.” I swallowed hard, again.
When we crossed into the city limits, and past the “Welcome to Florence, Maine” sign, my stomach dropped. In the pit of my gut I just knew something was going to happen. I didn’t know what, but knew something was looming. Just out of my reach of knowing. It’s just that ache of suspense that comes over you for no, apparent, reason. I swallowed hard, and was already ready to go.
We parked at the front of the post office, and I jogged in to check my box. When I swung the door open, I found a lone envelope.
It was from my mother.

“Alex,

I got your address from the letter you sent to Cassie. I just wanted to see if you were alright. And to tell you that you could come home. Your father has settled down, and said that, if you apologize, he’ll let you come home. Please write me back.
Enclosed is a letter Cassie wanted sent to you—“

I stopped reading there, and yanked out the extra folded piece of paper. It was written on yellow legal pad paper. When I saw Cass’ handwriting, I smiled.

“Alex,

I love you. I’ve been in love with you since we were kids. I wanted to tell you when you left, but you had so much on your mind I didn’t want to add to it. You’re my best friend, Alex. I got accepted to the study abroad program! I actually got the letter a day or two after you had left. I suppose our lives are just beginning, and we’re both going in different directions… and I suppose it just wasn’t meant to be. You’ll always be my best friend, Alex—as well as my first love. With love…

Your friend,

Cassie”

I frantically fingered with the papers, having absolutely no idea what to do. Not able to take the suspense anymore, Josh yanked the note out of my hand and read it.
“Whoa,” is all he could add to the events. At this I shuffled back to my mother’s letter, and finished reading it.

“—She got the study abroad program! She made me swear not to read it, and to just get it to you when, or if, we ever heard from you. She’s in New York for orientation, and she leaves from there to London on November 19th.

We miss you Alex. Please write back.

With love,

Mom”

Josh had been reading this one over my shoulder. He paused a few moments while he gathered his words.
“The 19th, huh? That’s the day after tomorrow, right? We can get there by then—no prob, bro.” I just looked at Josh blankly for a moment or two.
“What am I going to say? She’s leaving for Europe?!”
“Look, Alex; I swear to you that you’ll regret it for the rest of your life if you, at least, don’t tell her how you feel. I can promise you that, my friend.” I silently nodded. I just sat quietly for a few minutes, taking it all in.
“So… Manhattan it is.” I finally said. Josh slapped me on the back.
“Hell yeah! Hello New York!”
I could still remember the name of the program from when she had mentioned it to me; it seems I could remember just about every conversation I ever had with Cass, now.
We stopped off at a cyber café on our way to Manhattan, and I looked up the itinerary for her group online.
“They catch a train at Grand Central for the airport tomorrow at two o’clock.” I told Josh, as he eagerly read over my shoulder.
“So tomorrow at two, then. That’s when you’ll tell her.”
I smiled a deep smile, and lay my head against the cool glass of the car window.
Josh had picked up a cell phone before he left out for the tour, and we tried in vain the entire day to call Josh’s aunt, Maria, to see if we could crash with her in the city. After no avail, Josh finally called his folks and found out that Wanda was out of town for the week; so that plan was shot.
It was then that I remembered a place my cousin Conner had told me about when he made a week trip up to New York with some friends. It was the place they had stayed. I even remember where it was, Amsterdam Avenue; being a bit of a stoner, Con seemed to think it was quite humorous.
“Josh, there’s a hostel called Hostelling International on Amsterdam Avenue—“ At this statement, Josh pulled out the Manhattan map Johnathan had picked up when we were all there before. He smiled really big.
“Johnathan let me borrow it.”
“Sweet!” I cracked it open, and began running my finger along Amsterdam Avenue, hoping the place would be listed on it. After a few minutes, I came across a place marked ‘HI-NY Hostel.’
“Voila! That would be it!,” as I lay my index finger slightly below the listing. With traffic, it took us about another hour and a half to get into Manhattan. I used my navigating skills (or lack thereof) to finally get us there. We made our way inside, completely clueless, and walked up to the information desk.
“Hi!” Josh excitedly acclaimed, acting overly stupid. I just rolled my eyes.
“Miss, we need two beds for tonight—“
“Alright; just head to that desk across the lobby…” she said, as she pointed toward a desk to the right of us.
Thank you,” I nodded.
The guy at the booking desk was really nice, and explained how it all works to us. It would only be thirty bucks a piece for the night, and they weren’t running too many people, so we ended up in a six-bed room by ourselves. There was a little Spanish/Pizza place across the block, so we went over there and got two massive slices a piece. We made our way back to the hostel, and eventually found our room. It took us almost a dozen tries to finally get the card key to work.
“Man; we really suck with cards,” Josh said; I nodded along, remembering our MetroCard incidents. Josh passed out like a light, but all I could do was lie around, butterflies making never-ending rounds in my stomach. At about 4 am I finally passed out.
We stumbled out of bed the next morning (Josh almost rolling off of the top bunk he so emphatically argued with me for) and made our way downstairs to the little morning café the hostel ran. I got a cup of coffee and a bagel, Josh just sipped hot chocolate and read that mornings copy of the Times. After a few minutes of comfortable silence, Josh looked up from his paper.
“So… you ready?”
I took a determined bite from my bagel and nodded. Josh just nodded back in agreement, and went back to reading his paper. After a little while I started feeling too anxious to even be still.
Hey man, I think I’m just gonna start walking that way… I‘ll meet you back here…later. Cool?”
“Totally man.” He stood up, and shook my hand sincerely. “Good luck, bro. Good luck.” I swung his hand down and pulled him into a manly half hug.
“I really appreciate all your help, man. You’ve become one of my best friends over this last while.” Josh just smiled, and blushed sheepishly.
“Thanks man; you, too.” We nodded goodbye, and with that I was off. I was still pretty early, and a fair ways from Grand Central (not to mention I often stay perpetually lost when in New York) so I slowly started my trek toward the unknown. To do what I know in my heart I had to do, but what my mind was telling me I couldn’t. It goes without saying—I was scared as hell.
When I made it to Grand Central, my heart filled completely to the brim with fear. I’m not talking ‘just scared’; I mean full blown, unadulterated fear. I knew completely in my heart that a moment that would define my life was about to occur. Something that had been building for a shy side under a decade was mere moments from coming to a head. I can’t even remember how many slow, deep breaths I took trying to steady my nerves. All I know is that not one of them helped. Not in the slightest.
I finally took my first step towards the entrance. It seems everything begins with just one step. As I entered, I spotted her in the distance. Cass was the first thing that caught my eye. I could see her hair flipping, she was trailing at the end of her group; taking in the vastness of it all. I’m so glad she got to see the city; even if it wasn’t me that was showing it to her. I could feel my heart beating in my ears; I could feel the blood surging through my body. I fingered my bracelet for luck, and jogged forward a few yards, and finally opened my mouth.
“Cassie!” A few people turned their heads toward me at the sound; Cass being one of them. When she saw me her face lit up. I could see her mouth the words,
“Ohh my God,” she finally exclaimed “Alex!” we ran to each other, meeting in the middle of the station.
“What are you doing here?!” she asked me, as we pulled each other close in an embrace that felt just like the million we had made before, but somehow wholly different, wholly new. I finally forced the words from my head to my mouth,
“I… I got your letter… I love you, Cassie.” She burst into tears, and fell completely into my arms as I held her steady. All she could do was weep. She finally put together a sentence.
“But…but I’m leaving… I have a train…” as she trailed off she pulled me tighter. I could feel her heart beating along with mine. Almost as if we were one and the same.
“I know… I’m sorry… I just had to tell you. I couldn’t just let you go.” All we could do was stand there; all we could do was hold each other. Tears were streaming down my face; I couldn’t even see anymore. But she had a train to catch. She had a life to lead. A life that split from mine some time ago. A life I was once a part of, and could still be a part of had I not left. I had left home wanting to be disenchanted by life, and by doing so I ruined the only thing that mattered; and the one thing I didn’t even know I had. Cassie was leaving. She had to leave. I could never live with myself for holding her back from this. Holding her back from her dream.
I knew she couldn’t just turn around and walk away. Hell, I didn’t think I could either. She’s too good of a person to just break my heart and let that moment be over. So she just stood there, lingering, waiting wholeheartedly with me for whatever came next. I knew she wouldn’t leave on her own, and I knew I would have to be the one to let her go. I used my jacket sleeves to wipe the tears streaming down my face, and pulled slightly away from her. She spoke before I could say anything.
“I don’t know if I can ever let you go.” She said. I just pulled her back tightly to me and cried. Just cried. Those were the most sincere tears to ever slide down my cheeks.
We stood there for a few more, precious moments. She was wearing the watch I had gotten her for her birthday before I left. My God that felt like a lifetime ago. It looked good on her; it fit her well. I finally pulled away to speak.
“So…do you like your birthday present?” It was the only thing, upon actually thinking, I could come up with to say.
“I love it. Thank you.” With that she glanced at the face and sighed through her sobs. “My train is about to…to go. I need to…” With that she pulled me back tight against her. “Just one more minute,” she cried. I held her, and ran my hand through her silky hair. When she started to let me go, I finally kissed her. I’d been dying to since I saw her. I don’t even know how long we stood there, but she finally pulled away.
“So… what did you fid out there?” she asked, as she waved her hand to the world around.
“I found that the one thing I wanted was the one thing I left behind.” She smiled, at me.
“At least you finally figured it out.” She chimed. Her optimism seemed to ring true even in the hardest of moments. “God, I love you… I love you so much, Alex.” I wasn’t sure if I could say more than two syllables without bursting into tears again, so all I said was,
“Ditto.” She started to laugh. She regained her composure the best she could.
“I’ll miss you, Alex. Don’t forget me,” she said, with fresh tears still streaming down her cheeks. I smiled the most sincere smile I could muster, and used every ounce of strength I had to turn around. I couldn’t quite walk away yet. Before I knew what had happened, Cass had grabbed my hand.
“You can at least walk me to the train,” she said. I smiled. We held hands as we walked, she gently leaned her head against my shoulder. It took every ounce of me not to beg her to stay. To just hold her, and not let her go.
We kissed goodbye one last time, and I felt her hand slowly slip from mine as she boarded the train. I watched her until she found her seat. Once there she began writing backward in the window frost. ‘I Love You’ it said. All I could do was wave and smile.
Once her train finally pulled out of the station, I fell to my knees and just cried. I couldn’t even move it hurt so bad. I just lay there in the floor, a heap, for God only knows how long. I finally rose and just began wandering Manhattan. The rain had slowly began to fall, as I walked out of the station.
Is this all there is to life? Is it all just a few random events, held together by circumstance? Pain and loss, and days and days? Like the dull lanterns hanging in Chinatown, strung up for miles like Christmas lights. Like the raindrops hitting ground, one after the other until it all begins to blur? My God, this can’t be it.
I walked. I didn’t know where, or how far, or why; I just walked. It’s all I could do. If I stopped, I’d just fall face down on the ground again. I eventually, somehow made my way to the coast of the Hudson. Before I even knew what I was doing I had ripped my bracelet from my arm and heaved it into the crashing waves. By now it had stopped raining, and I just stood there watching the wave’s crash into the ragged coast. I screamed to the heavens. I screamed at myself. Had I just stayed, I could have at least had that time with her. But, had I not left, would I have ever even figured this out? I didn’t know. Hell, there’s no way I could ever no.
I didn’t have a clue what time it was, but I figured Josh was probably worried about me by now. So I figured out where I was, and started making my way back toward the hostel. I walked slowly. Counting my steps. Doing anything I could to vainly try and distract myself. Once I made it back, Josh was sitting outside on a bench, waiting for me. He could tell by the look on my face what had happened. It’s the only way it could have happened. He jogged to me and gave me a hug.
“I’m sorry bro, I’m so sorry.”
“I’m just gonna miss her…I’m gonna miss her so much.” It’s all I could say. It was still all I could think. “I… I don’t know if I can make it without her.” He jerked up at that.
“Hell yes you can, Alex. Look at all you’ve done since you left home. You started a new life, you’ve made it through half of the country, and come out unscathed. Gone thousands of miles from home, and you’re still making it. You can do this. All you did was end it. You left a chapter of your life open when you left home… and you needed to, to close it before you could move on. It may hurt, man; but now you can let go. You can do this, bro. You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for.”
I just nodded. I knew Josh was right. I knew I could do this. I finally raised my head up. My eyes spotted the outskirts of Central Park a few blocks away. I looked at Josh.
“You want to go to the park, bro?” I asked, finally tired of being alone, and just wanting some company.
“I love Central Park. Sounds like a great idea,” he replied, an edge of sincere optimism clinging tightly to his words.
We made our way the couple of blocks, and just began wandering aimlessly. Autumn had finally arrived, and it was stunning. Central Park had become a sea of fallen leaves. The leaves were falling all around. Everywhere. It was like the sky was snowing orange and browns. The crunch of the leaves underneath my feet, the wire-thin trees hanging in the sky, almost dead but still clinging to life. Almost as if they know that Spring can’t be too far away.
“Wake me up when Autumn ends,” I whispered inaudibly under my breath. Josh didn’t seem to notice. I finally spoke to someone other than myself, and asked Josh, “Why would God put the perfect person into your life, only to have it all fall apart?”
Josh just looked at me for a few moments. When he finally spoke, I saw a sincere smile spread across his face.
“I’ve come to realize there are some questions that never really should be answered.” I lowered my head and nodded. In a strange way, he had a point.
You always hear people talk about ‘getting back to normal.’ I’ve finally come to realize that there’s no such thing as ‘normal.’ Things change, people change. Now matter how much you don’t want them to; they do. You never will be the same person you were five years ago, five months ago, five weeks ago, five seconds ago. You can’t go back; you never can go back. You can get to somewhere new, somewhere different. It may be better, it may be worse; but it’ll never be the same. Things change—and all you can do is change with them. You never can go back.
In some ways, I think I left my heart in New York. At least some of it. A part of me is still standing there in that station, watching that train slowly pull away. Watching the future I wanted slowly pull away. Watching the girl I love just pull away.
I’ve come to learn that the past just hangs there, always waiting for you to make the mistake of letting your mind wander back to it. Life is like a highway, with wreckage in the ditches. From all the scars we’ve earned, deserved or not. With every deserted car, and washed out mile of asphalt standing for something. The things so substantial, but ignored. The things that make us who we are. The first love lost, the innocence left behind. The things you’ll eventually forget when you’re older, even though you try so hard not to. The things that played such a great part in making you the person you have become. Giving up this August pace, and just walking toward a fresh, new day.

EPILOGUE

TWO MONTHS LATER

As I stood there, looking at that plain tombstone, all those childhood memories came streaming back into my mind. Things had happened so fast, that I never truly had time to cope with Connor’s death. My mother put her arm around me, as she started to cry. I had finally called her, a week or so after Cassie left for London.
I had borrowed Josh’s car to come down here to Carolina for the weekend; just to see mom, and finally pay my respects to my old friend… to my old life.
Josh and I were staying with Maria in Manhattan, renting a room in her massive place. I had gotten a job in a local bookstore; and Josh was focusing entirely on his music. We had been writing together non-stop, and almost had enough solid originals prepared to rent some studio time.
My mother finally broke the silence.
“Have you heard from Cassie lately?” I couldn’t help but smile a little.
“Yeah… I got a letter from her a few days ago, actually.”
“And how is she?”
“She’s doing well. She’s doing well. She’ll be back here in the ‘States in March for about a month. She’s going to spend a week with me in the city.”
“Well isn’t that nice,” my mother chimed. I just laughed and smiled.
A sigh of true content ness slipped through my lips as I dropped a white rose at my feet, for Connor. I hugged my mother goodbye, and told her I would be alright, and slowly made my way back toward the car.
To drive back home; to my new home. To my new life. I slid into the car, and as I drove away I watched the sun slowly setting in my rear-view mirror.

THE END
"When looking up there, I just felt whole, like I belonged. Like one day I too would shine my most brilliant. Sitting there also made me think about sitting through services at my little country church back home. About that never-changing congregation of the same sixty-seven people and everyone has known you since before you were born. Now, out here in the real world, everything just seemed more vivid than when I used to sit in that little pew. That pew that was now so, so far away from where I was. I feared I had somehow left God behind there, too. I feared he was somehow just sitting there, saving my seat on the fifth pew from the front row, just waiting on me to come back. I left so quickly, I worried that he may not have noticed I was gone. And, now, I’m just too far away to find. So he’s just sitting there, patiently waiting on me to come back. I closed my eyes and prayed a moment. I hoped more than anything that he could still hear me." -an excerpt from my novella, A Sea of Fallen Leaves.

<a href="http://www.soundthesirens.com">SoundTheSirens.com</a>
User avatar
trentm32
Oskar Winner: 2005
Oskar Winner: 2005
 
Posts: 2272
Joined: 3/17/2002, 2:51 pm
Location: my heart is in New York.

Postby Random Name » 7/8/2005, 1:27 pm

Awwwwww....oh man I love it. Its such a warm and fuzzy ending. :love: You did such a good job. I love it. Such a character arc and so much passion. Hot damn that was good.


Okay, so these are some of the things that I noticed in the last bit.

First of all the Fresh Prince reference- good stuff.

You also say 'Ditto' a lot in this section. Its a very mid-90's phrase and it seemed weird to read it like 4 times in one chapter. You may want to change one or two of those. :P

I also have to say that I love Josh. He sounds a lot like me and says things that I would say. Has such a good personality. Like when he said 'Pfft, its called denile!" or something like that I started laughing because thats what I was saying in my head.

One thing I would change is in Cassie's letter, she said the word 'love' a lot. And I understand that its necessary to make the point. But at the very end she says "as well as my first love. With love... Your friend" and it comes off very awkward. I would take out the "With love" part. Its just overkill.

There is also a possible typo with Cassie, "So what did you fid out there" unless of course, you ment fid.

As for the bracelet part, I was really happy to see it but I thought it would be more dramatic. Perhaps I was just anticipating it but I just expected something more. Maybe if you explained more significants when it happened or if you talked about his emotions a little more it would have come off better. Its the kind of thing I would miss had I not been looking for it.

Oh and the last thing I thought of was when I was reading it, one line stood out to me, "Forever, or just today" and I thought it would make a really good title. The other one you had is really good too, but I figured I'd point it out anyways. :)


But yeah man, good job. I'm so impressed with how this turned out. Your such a great writer. I suppose I'll have to go re-read the whole thing in the other thread now, but its such a good story. Perhaps you'll into getting it published soon? Even if you don't I'm glad I had the chance to read it while you were doing it. :D :duncan:
-Sarah

Goodbye you liar,
Well you sipped from the cup but you don't own up to anything
Then you think you will inspire
Take apart your head
(and I wish I could inspire)
Take apart your demons, then you add it to the list.

Random Name
Oskar Winner: 2007
Oskar Winner: 2007
 
Posts: 10134
Joined: 8/16/2003, 2:57 pm
Location: New Finland

Postby trentm32 » 7/9/2005, 10:50 am

Thanks for the feedback! That's absolutely brilliant about the title option, "Forever, or Just Today;" it's from an old poem I wrote, and I totally love it. To be honest, it never even crossed my mind :oops:

*takes under serious consideration*

Thanks for spotting the typos! :oops: I haven't even had a chance to thoroughly re-read it! But I KNEW I could depend on my CM-compadres for the read-over :)

I was planning on going back in a day or so and fleshing out some smaller details (ironically, almost all the ones you noticed :P ) so I'll hopefully have a second (and near final) draft put together in a week or so. I was just so excited to get this up, I jumped at the chance! :)

thanks!
"When looking up there, I just felt whole, like I belonged. Like one day I too would shine my most brilliant. Sitting there also made me think about sitting through services at my little country church back home. About that never-changing congregation of the same sixty-seven people and everyone has known you since before you were born. Now, out here in the real world, everything just seemed more vivid than when I used to sit in that little pew. That pew that was now so, so far away from where I was. I feared I had somehow left God behind there, too. I feared he was somehow just sitting there, saving my seat on the fifth pew from the front row, just waiting on me to come back. I left so quickly, I worried that he may not have noticed I was gone. And, now, I’m just too far away to find. So he’s just sitting there, patiently waiting on me to come back. I closed my eyes and prayed a moment. I hoped more than anything that he could still hear me." -an excerpt from my novella, A Sea of Fallen Leaves.

<a href="http://www.soundthesirens.com">SoundTheSirens.com</a>
User avatar
trentm32
Oskar Winner: 2005
Oskar Winner: 2005
 
Posts: 2272
Joined: 3/17/2002, 2:51 pm
Location: my heart is in New York.

Previous

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 16 guests

Delete all board cookies • All times are UTC - 6 hours • PHPBB Powered

Serving Our Lady Peace fans since 2002. Oskar Twitch thanks you for tasting the monkey brains.

cron