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"the ongoing - a collection of poetry" feedback!

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"the ongoing - a collection of poetry" feedback!

Postby trentm32 » 2/17/2004, 2:39 pm

okey dokey, this is something I've been working on for the last few weeks, putting together some poems in an order to try and tell a personal story of sorts. Like, 1 or 2 of these I've posted before, but like the other 7 are all new. I'd really appreciate it if you guys could kick me some feedback on the poems themselves, the order, theme, etc. I love you guys! :love:


---the ongoing---

...

"the way that I love you"

I don't care if you don't love me
I only care that you know the truth
I don't care that you'll never see me
The way that I see you

When I see you trip I hit the ground
I'd break myself to break your fall
And when you stand back up without a sound
God I wish to me you would could call

Upon my head you soar the days
You change my mind a thousand times
I wish I could find you through this daze
But you never see through my entendre line

I know you'll always be there, and I'll be there for you
But I also know you'll never love me, the way that I love you

...

"still naive enough to dream"

and you wish that the moment would just stay, and stay forever
you're old enough to know it's impossible, but still naive enough to dream
and you think there's a way, someway to keep it. If only you were a little more clever
as our hands clasp, and our fingers clumsily close in around each other, you hate it
not because it isn't love, because it is; my god you know it is,
but because you know it has to end, and when it does,
it won't be in a blaze of glory, but in a wimper of finality.

if only love was enough. If that and that alone could stop life,
the moment I first saw you would still be ongoing, stretched beyond recognition
and as I brush the hair from your eyes, and glimpse into the life I want
thoughts of tomorrow, and the next day, and the next without you overwhelm me
I start to drown in my own fears, my own lack of faith for our forever
but then I slide into my jacket, and the faint scent of your hair still lingers in the collar
and then I'm filled with hope again, too much to be safe, but not nearly enough to be right
for that's how it must be, love isn't meant for people like us,
it's just that I love you too much to see that

...

"worlds collide"

no matter how much you may want to, you can't live in both worlds
all you'll end up doing is ruining both lives,
left with nothing and no one, even if you think it's love,
it'll still be turned around, twisted like truth,
if you want it bad enough, it won't help,
only make the end a little harder

when it all comes crashing down,
splintered on the ghosts of lives never lived,
that's when you'll know, that's when you'll know the world you need,
the one you're meant for will be the one not standing
so the worlds collide, like a car crash in the night,
the planes crash down, and the world turns, the world turns

...

"the answers so clear"

guess we'll just have to wait 'till the day hell freezes over
take a closer look, bet it'll be tomorrow
that's the only time things'll change, but still be the same
it's all a mistake in chaos, and nothing when it's tame

a turn of the tide, a new look at the stakes
re-evaluate all you want, the outcome's still the same
we fall from the heights, and everything quakes
this never-ending facade, nothing more than a game

we all look for meaning, but not in the right place
we look inside ourselves, and at a glimmer take chase
we look to the heavens, but not hard enough to hear
we'll just never see, but the answer's so clear

...

"there just can't be an answer"

it's your world, but I'm trying to take it back,
and it's your time, you just won't let me be a part of it,
because of you, I haven't lived a day of my life
all I've done is wonder how you're living yours
are you making the best, are you missing me,
because God it can't be as much as I miss you

I tried to change, I did what you said,
but it wasn't enough, it never could be,
If I'm still the problem,
you sure as hell aren't the solution
I suppose when it comes to some things in life
there just can't be an answer

...

"a prayer for you"

you may think I'm crazy, but I said a prayer for you
a prayer for wisdom, for life, for age not yet earned
to close the gap between us, before it grows too wide to leap

no matter who you want to be, you're still just a child
and that person you want to be, can't come to be for a while
you can play dress up, catch up, but the outcomes still the same
your youthful naivete, that lack of living still remains
as much as it kills me, I have to be the person that I've become
and I have to let you go, for you to become the person you will be

and you may still not believe me, but I said a prayer for you
to change my heart, and to just have you gone
I hope you'll be happy, because together we never can be

...

"can't we just make believe it's love?"

as we sit in this awkward silence, tell me why we're here again
before all this happened, we were happy, atleast I like to to think so
if there was only someway to go back, to turn the clock back just this once
so I ask you, can't we just make believe it's love?
as the words leave my mind, the answer becomes transparent,
there is no way to go back, only bask in the day we've made

the problems now are ours alone, but there's just so much I could say
I could write a book about our love, but pretension would shine through
or maybe I'll try a poem for our future that's never gonna come true
when we were kids it was so easy, just letting our minds roam free,
but now it's impossible, and it hurts far too much to make believe

...

"I think I'm gonna be alright"

with or without you, I never pondered the question
just thought we'd always be, guess I've learned my lesson
sometime, somewhere, I do still love you,
in fact, somehow I probably always will
but that still doesn't change you, and who you are
the person you were, and the person you're becoming

to tell you the truth, I don't think I loved the old you,
not you, just a shadow of the person you could have been
if only you'd opened your heart, left it wide open
then you could have at least had a chance at happiness
so you're gone now, but you know what I have to say?
I think I'm gonna be alright, jumping headlong into another day

...

"as I saw the sun break"

driving down the road, thinking of everything but you
wondering where to go, and wondering what to do
I looked to the earth, but was choked by the rubble
the chaos of yesterday, still being sorted through by tomorrow

so I looked to the sky, and was blinded by the burn
the glaring omissions of inspiration, scribbled and forgotten
but then I saw the sun break above the buildings, a new way formed,
so I asked myself; if the day can start anew, why can't I?

...
"When looking up there, I just felt whole, like I belonged. Like one day I too would shine my most brilliant. Sitting there also made me think about sitting through services at my little country church back home. About that never-changing congregation of the same sixty-seven people and everyone has known you since before you were born. Now, out here in the real world, everything just seemed more vivid than when I used to sit in that little pew. That pew that was now so, so far away from where I was. I feared I had somehow left God behind there, too. I feared he was somehow just sitting there, saving my seat on the fifth pew from the front row, just waiting on me to come back. I left so quickly, I worried that he may not have noticed I was gone. And, now, I’m just too far away to find. So he’s just sitting there, patiently waiting on me to come back. I closed my eyes and prayed a moment. I hoped more than anything that he could still hear me." -an excerpt from my novella, A Sea of Fallen Leaves.

<a href="http://www.soundthesirens.com">SoundTheSirens.com</a>
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trentm32
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