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2 years after the revolution

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A pop-up book of flowers from grade 4 are driving her insane...

Postby doug » 12/22/2003, 6:32 pm

CHRIS, i hope your children are born with a horrible disease like AIDS or cancer.

also, i put something in your drink that will make it hurt when you pee.
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Postby Lando » 12/22/2003, 8:43 pm

HAHAHAHAH you did that to me too......
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Postby sandsleeper » 12/22/2003, 9:54 pm

Lando wrote:I personally think the streets part that Alex criticized is important because if you want to give people a good visual concept of drastic change and you know what those places look like, you can visualize an incredible difference.


yeah i don't think the repetition of "streets" is necessarily a bad thing. i mean, they are streets, you don't want to get to abstract in terminology just to diversify the vocabulary, ya know.

this reads pretty well so far. it seems to flow pretty smoothly and i like the way the scene slowly unfolds before you as you read, rather than being outright thrown in your face. good stuff.
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Postby thirdhour » 12/22/2003, 11:21 pm

yeah, so metaphors and shit are cool stuff....
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Postby Lando » 12/23/2003, 1:40 am

prove it.
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Postby I AM ME » 12/23/2003, 1:59 am

sandsleeper wrote:
Lando wrote:I personally think the streets part that Alex criticized is important because if you want to give people a good visual concept of drastic change and you know what those places look like, you can visualize an incredible difference.


yeah i don't think the repetition of "streets" is necessarily a bad thing. i mean, they are streets, you don't want to get to abstract in terminology just to diversify the vocabulary, ya know.



not to mention using repetition is a writing technique
"How can we justify spending so much on destruction and so little on life?" Matthew Good

"The white dove is gone, the one world has come down hard, so why not share the pain of our problems, when all around are wrong ways, when all around is hurt, i'll roll up in an odd shape and wait, untill the tide has turned.....with anger, i'm dead weight, i'm anchored"- IME, God Rocket (Into the Heart of Las Vegas) ^ Some say this song is about a terrorists thoughts before 911

"Pray for the sheep" Matt Good
"But it's alright, take the world and make it yours again" Matt Good

I felt it in the wind, and i saw it in the sky, i thought it was the end, i thought it was the 4th of July.

"Hold on, hold on children, your mother and father are leaving, hold on, hold on children your best freind's parents are leaving, leaving,.......*AHHH*! " - Death From Above - Black History Month
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Postby Lando » 12/23/2003, 5:28 am

So if I were to say the word penis like 500 times in this post, penis would be part of a writing technique? I didn't think I could have so much fun using the word penis in one post. I'm educating myself by using penis. It's incredible!!! Penis is now the most important thing I've ever said on the CM. Without penis, this post would just be like all the rest of my posts!! However, penis has now enriched my life by educating me and making me a better writer. Because of penis I am more HEAD STRONG, I could probably be using other writing techniques right now and educating myself at the same time and I owe it all to using my penis! Oh my precious penis. What a word, you've taught me so much....
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Postby sandsleeper » 12/23/2003, 9:50 am

yes, lando. in this excerpt we see your emphasis of the word "penis" and assume that you, or your persona, has some sort of fascination with, or desire for, the male reproductive organ.
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Postby happening fish » 12/23/2003, 9:53 am

sorry, i didn't like it.
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Postby starvingeyes » 12/23/2003, 9:58 am

which, lando's post or my story? ;)
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Postby Solidarity 9-6347 » 12/23/2003, 11:42 am

i think she means just the repetition. i can see where she's coming from...i can't write a paper that has the same non-article word twice in like 4 lines
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Postby Lando » 12/24/2003, 5:52 pm

sandsleeper wrote:yes, lando. in this excerpt we see your emphasis of the word "penis" and assume that you, or your persona, has some sort of fascination with, or desire for, the male reproductive organ.


assume being the key word there.
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Postby trentm32 » 12/29/2003, 10:52 am

You know what they say about ASSUME don't you?

It makes as ASS outta U, and an ASS outta ME.
"When looking up there, I just felt whole, like I belonged. Like one day I too would shine my most brilliant. Sitting there also made me think about sitting through services at my little country church back home. About that never-changing congregation of the same sixty-seven people and everyone has known you since before you were born. Now, out here in the real world, everything just seemed more vivid than when I used to sit in that little pew. That pew that was now so, so far away from where I was. I feared I had somehow left God behind there, too. I feared he was somehow just sitting there, saving my seat on the fifth pew from the front row, just waiting on me to come back. I left so quickly, I worried that he may not have noticed I was gone. And, now, I’m just too far away to find. So he’s just sitting there, patiently waiting on me to come back. I closed my eyes and prayed a moment. I hoped more than anything that he could still hear me." -an excerpt from my novella, A Sea of Fallen Leaves.

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Postby I AM ME » 1/5/2004, 2:56 am

damn he beat me to it


but anyways, how's it coming?
"How can we justify spending so much on destruction and so little on life?" Matthew Good

"The white dove is gone, the one world has come down hard, so why not share the pain of our problems, when all around are wrong ways, when all around is hurt, i'll roll up in an odd shape and wait, untill the tide has turned.....with anger, i'm dead weight, i'm anchored"- IME, God Rocket (Into the Heart of Las Vegas) ^ Some say this song is about a terrorists thoughts before 911

"Pray for the sheep" Matt Good
"But it's alright, take the world and make it yours again" Matt Good

I felt it in the wind, and i saw it in the sky, i thought it was the end, i thought it was the 4th of July.

"Hold on, hold on children, your mother and father are leaving, hold on, hold on children your best freind's parents are leaving, leaving,.......*AHHH*! " - Death From Above - Black History Month
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Postby Lando » 1/5/2004, 4:53 am

See, they even backed me up. I win.
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Postby Lando » 1/28/2005, 10:06 am

I totally won.
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Postby starvingeyes » 1/28/2005, 10:08 am

holy threadsurrection batman
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Postby Lando » 1/28/2005, 10:27 am

That doesn't take away from me being the champion.
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Postby trentm32 » 1/28/2005, 11:27 am

aloha old thread!
"When looking up there, I just felt whole, like I belonged. Like one day I too would shine my most brilliant. Sitting there also made me think about sitting through services at my little country church back home. About that never-changing congregation of the same sixty-seven people and everyone has known you since before you were born. Now, out here in the real world, everything just seemed more vivid than when I used to sit in that little pew. That pew that was now so, so far away from where I was. I feared I had somehow left God behind there, too. I feared he was somehow just sitting there, saving my seat on the fifth pew from the front row, just waiting on me to come back. I left so quickly, I worried that he may not have noticed I was gone. And, now, I’m just too far away to find. So he’s just sitting there, patiently waiting on me to come back. I closed my eyes and prayed a moment. I hoped more than anything that he could still hear me." -an excerpt from my novella, A Sea of Fallen Leaves.

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Re: 2 years after the revolution

Postby trentm32 » 3/31/2005, 9:06 pm

starvingeyes wrote:“This one time, before all of this started, I uh, I got really high, and - ”

He paused, to exhale a thick puff of cigarette smoke.

“I got really high, and I was driving down the freeway, I must’ve been going like, a hundred, and all of the sudden, it just kind of hit me; you know, that I was moving 100 miles an hour. The whole thing was just so weird, and I was suddenly just struck by the things that we, as a species, have accomplished”

She smiled at him and chuckled lightly.

“You’re crazy” she replied.

Then she lifted her head off of his chest and sat up. He took another puff of his cigarette and watched as she pushed her self to her feet, walking to the edge of the rooftop. She glanced back at him before turning to watch as the sun set. He glanced down at his cigarette and flicked it away, standing up and walking over to her. He reached the edge of the rooftop and looked down. Below him, a car was overturned and sticking half in, half out of a storefront window, a small fire burning in it’s backseat and a piece of newspaper, blown by the wind, drifted aimlessly across the street. He turned his head to look at here as she slipped her fingers in between his and looked up.

“I love you, Randal”

He looked back at her, cracking a thin smile and nodding. The sound of a military helicopter drawing nearer permeated the thick silence that covered the city, and he glanced up at as the chopper flew above them before staring back over the edge of the rooftop. The once proud streets of New York City had been reduced to the ruins of an empire. The busy streets of Times Square were now empty, and fires raged unchecked throughout the city. The rubble of skyscrapers filled the streets, and many of the deserted buildings had large holes shot clean through them. Cars and trucks were scattered, overturned and many on fire throughout the streets. Somewhere in the distance, a store alarm was wailing. The sky had been transformed into a constant and monotonous sheet of pale gray, from the smoke and constant fires. He looked up, watching as the sun set against the devastated skyline of the city, his view obscured by the huge plumes of smoke which sailed upwards out of the damaged high-rises. He lowered his head and shook it solemnly.

“I love you too, Claire”

----

this the prologue. it is a work in progress. comments would be appreciated. i am mainly looking for whether or not you find this to be catching and interesting, eg. you want to find out the rest of the story. furthremore, are you able to visualize what i am describing?

thank you.


Done any more work on this thing?
"When looking up there, I just felt whole, like I belonged. Like one day I too would shine my most brilliant. Sitting there also made me think about sitting through services at my little country church back home. About that never-changing congregation of the same sixty-seven people and everyone has known you since before you were born. Now, out here in the real world, everything just seemed more vivid than when I used to sit in that little pew. That pew that was now so, so far away from where I was. I feared I had somehow left God behind there, too. I feared he was somehow just sitting there, saving my seat on the fifth pew from the front row, just waiting on me to come back. I left so quickly, I worried that he may not have noticed I was gone. And, now, I’m just too far away to find. So he’s just sitting there, patiently waiting on me to come back. I closed my eyes and prayed a moment. I hoped more than anything that he could still hear me." -an excerpt from my novella, A Sea of Fallen Leaves.

<a href="http://www.soundthesirens.com">SoundTheSirens.com</a>
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