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i desperately need help on a story I'm writing

by trentm32 » 10/6/2003, 4:20 pm

"When looking up there, I just felt whole, like I belonged. Like one day I too would shine my most brilliant. Sitting there also made me think about sitting through services at my little country church back home. About that never-changing congregation of the same sixty-seven people and everyone has known you since before you were born. Now, out here in the real world, everything just seemed more vivid than when I used to sit in that little pew. That pew that was now so, so far away from where I was. I feared I had somehow left God behind there, too. I feared he was somehow just sitting there, saving my seat on the fifth pew from the front row, just waiting on me to come back. I left so quickly, I worried that he may not have noticed I was gone. And, now, I’m just too far away to find. So he’s just sitting there, patiently waiting on me to come back. I closed my eyes and prayed a moment. I hoped more than anything that he could still hear me." -an excerpt from my novella, A Sea of Fallen Leaves.

<a href="http://www.soundthesirens.com">SoundTheSirens.com</a>

trentm32

Oskar Winner: 2005

Posts: 2272

Joined: 3/17/2002, 2:51 pm

Location: my heart is in New York.

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by happening fish » 10/6/2003, 5:24 pm

Ok, a couple things. First of all, is this supposed to be a book, or a short story? I'm confused. If it's meant to be a book in the long run, then I've got a couple tips: first of all, the line about crazy depressed people chugging pills won't win you many fans. And also, (especially if you plan on extending it into book length), you have to stop telling the reader things, and start showing them. I don't know how to explain that better, but it's one of the hallmarks of a good writer. Don't just list of facts and events... try to make them come alive. That's really the best I can explain it... but you definitely have the beginnings of a good premise there

happening fish: Oskar Winner: 2006; Posts: 17934; Joined: 3/17/2002, 11:22 am

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by trentm32 » 10/6/2003, 6:47 pm

"When looking up there, I just felt whole, like I belonged. Like one day I too would shine my most brilliant. Sitting there also made me think about sitting through services at my little country church back home. About that never-changing congregation of the same sixty-seven people and everyone has known you since before you were born. Now, out here in the real world, everything just seemed more vivid than when I used to sit in that little pew. That pew that was now so, so far away from where I was. I feared I had somehow left God behind there, too. I feared he was somehow just sitting there, saving my seat on the fifth pew from the front row, just waiting on me to come back. I left so quickly, I worried that he may not have noticed I was gone. And, now, I’m just too far away to find. So he’s just sitting there, patiently waiting on me to come back. I closed my eyes and prayed a moment. I hoped more than anything that he could still hear me." -an excerpt from my novella, A Sea of Fallen Leaves.

<a href="http://www.soundthesirens.com">SoundTheSirens.com</a>

trentm32

Oskar Winner: 2005

Posts: 2272

Joined: 3/17/2002, 2:51 pm

Location: my heart is in New York.

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i desperately need help on a story I'm writing

i desperately need help on a story I'm writing

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