Aerin's late-night poetry-press

[clumsychild_]

that is an amazing, amazing poem

[One-Eye]

You're all too kind.

[stinkythecat]

tomb

I remember when mirrors weren’t reflections but windows
To a frozen reversal of here
And when a pair of trees became columns
Framing a doorway to neighboring spheres
I remember scrawling maps leading to buried treasure
And reciting chants to keep ghosts at bay
I remember weeping for fear of the curses
That seemed to follow me every day.

But mirrors are now tools in the quest for perfection
Maps aren’t for treasure but to navigate downtown
Trees are for shade, not for summoning magic
And chants before tests help get knowledge down.
Curses are for hurling at the bus that I missed
Or for muttering at strangers who stare
And the only ghost I believe in is that of myself
But I try to pretend it’s not there.

6/19/03

Now that is some beautiful shit right there.

[One-Eye]

An old one:

shrivel

My world has flip-flopped upside down
Suddenly the sky is down
And up above me is the ground...

Something else has taken over
A sick disease I cannot name
Clutching me in its tentacles
Forcing me to play its game

All my screams are useless
As it drowns me in its sea
and as nausea washes me away
I become another, other me

Monsters in my mind slink out
And it soon becomes quite clear
If I am to live at all
I am to live in Fear.

And Fear is in my glances
and Fear is in my hair
Fear is in my walking
and my talking and my stare
Fear is in my phrasing
Fear is everywhere
I feel it crawl inside me
I breathe it in my air

With ever-increasing accuracy
It hunts down my reality
It reaches out from inside of me
And paints over everyone I see

It turns them into enemies
It turns them into spies
It turns them into murderers
With hatred in their eyes
It turns them into traitors
It gives them alibis
It undermines their kindness
And turns all their words to lies
It turns them into sadists
Who just want to make me cry
Fear hunts down my reality
and it stabs it till it dies

Their smiles wear the lipstick
of a mockery or two
And I want to see behind their eyes
to find out if it’s true
And inside me Fear is laughing
And outside their stares are cruel
And I know that it’s all in my head
But I feel like such a worthless fool

I want to die of loneliness
I want to die of fear
I want to die of anything
I just don’t want to be here.
I’ll go out with a whimper
And no one will shed a tear
I don’t want to be remembered
I just don’t want to be here.

03/29/00


Ahh, teenage depression, how I do not miss thee.

[crazyblue32]

Aerin.. That is beautiful.. It's perfect.. You think / used to think like me.. It's freaky..

Thank you for making my day, Aerin.

[happening fish]

i think i'm going to cry.

i've felt exactly like that for as much of my life as i can remember.

[One-Eye]

Yeah, I think that's one of my better poems.

I can't reread it without reliving all those feelings. And that's a good thing. Therapeutic, somehow.

[One-Eye]

Recovery

I tore my skin off yesterday
I feel better now
All my futures thrown away
I should have known all truths decay
I have become the game I play
I feel better now

I’ve painted skin on over bones
I feel better now
Those lies were all I’d ever known
And I am stitched of scars I’ve grown
At least my madness is my own
I feel better now

My corpse is smiling with fleshless mirth
I feel better now
Black progeny of this rebirth
I’m dead and buried in the earth
It’s all more trouble than it’s worth
I feel better now

æ 11/21/03

[happening fish]

the aerin goodness is back

[trentm32]

My God, Aerin; you're on of the most gifted poets I've read in quite a while.

to Aerin's awesomness.

[One-Eye]

Thanks!

[clumsychild_]

Wow, Aerin.. that's amazing.

[One-Eye]

Infants born in cages
Never see the light
Born and bred for dying
Infection makes a life
Outside mobs and captors
Argue if it's right
Corpses rot in cages
Never saw the light

11/29/02

Found this while digging through some old files. It's about the primate research center at my University.

[One-Eye]

<b>A Villanelle</b>

These words that I can't bring myself to say
Are as useless as they are true:
It was you who threw my hopes and dreams away.

I disintegrate and stifle more each day
But words won't make you stop the harm you do,
These words that I can't bring myself to say.

So I will leave you this and fade away
Because you said you needed something new
It was you who threw my hopes and dreams away.

And I'll leave behind my speeches to decay
Although they might convince you if you knew
These words that I can't bring myself to say.

I used to think that you would let me stay
And we'd fight on together, just us two,
It was you who threw my hopes and dreams away

But now I hope they haunt you every day
I hope they burrow in and torment you
These words that I can't bring myself to say:
It was you who threw my hopes and dreams away.

1/28/04

[One-Eye]

shrinkwrapped souls in acetate
ordered up to suit their needs
plastic people shipped in crates
plastic smiles guaranteed

they tell us where we need to go
they tell us what we need to be
they crush the ones who disagree
they shape our thoughts and call us free

and we believe the lies they tell
and whisper them back to ourselves
and play our scripted parts so well

and just speed by in plastic cars
and when we crash leave plastic scars
on bodies sold in plastic parts
that never know just what we are

and never think or try to see
but live blind in their fantasy
where they're not he and you're not we
and she's not you and it's not me
and we are all so very far from what we want to be

and I've tried to break this plastic shell
and to escape this preplanned hell
and to be somebody else

but even I
believe their lies
and whisper them back to myself

æ 3/1/04

[starseed_10]

:speechless:

[One-Eye]

modern religion

the TV decrees, we believe what we see
that emotions are just make-believe
that love is a crown for the makeup queen
who had to vomit her lunch to deserve her king
and we worship at the feet of the blueeyed elite
though their pink plastic bodies melt in the heat
though our eyesight is lean from the bright TV screen
our gods give us nothing but what can be seen

and there are a thousand channels on every TV
a thousand actors who all agree
a thousand yous, but just one me
a thousand years, but we don't need
to turn it on to see the seed
we planted then --
it's plain to see
it's grown into this hate we feed
and live, and love
and need.

æ 12/29/04

[closeyoureyes]

Wow. Thats amazing.

[Rusty]

Aerin, you're amazing. Your poems are amazing.

[clumsychild_]

Wow.

That's fucking awesome.